h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I heard this story the other day, from a guy who *swears* it is true. It's about one of those situations where tragedy elides into hilarity.

A friend of his was visiting Canada with his family. They hired a Winnebago in Toronto and headed off to tour the US. However, as they neared Niagra, Grandma realised that she had left her passport behind in Toronto. Never mind, they thought, it's not a strict border. Granndma went to hide in the toilet and they just sailed through.

Shortly after, they stopped in Detroit went to retrieve Grandma...only to find her dead. Clearly this was potentially a legal minefield, so the guy went off to phone his lawyer, asking the family to stay in the Winnebago. Only, the family were a bit twitchy about staying with Grandma's corpse and came with him.

Anyway...the lawyer advised that he do the sensible thing and come clean at the earliest possible opportunity. Under the circumstances he's only get a slap on the wrist and would avoid any further messiness. So with this in mind, they returned to the Winnebago.

It had been stolen.

Grandma was never seen again.

I have heard that story so many times!

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/gruesome/deadgran.asp

Ah...I guess I should have snopesed it. I shall challenge the tale-teller next time I see him. (Although he was kind enough to give us a ride on his boat).

It's still a good story, but.

Sometimes stories which are urban legends are also true. The "jogger's billfold" story happened to my brother, in a slightly different form but close enough to be recognisable. But it happened after it had already been recorded in Snopes as a legend.

A variation of the jogger's billfold - sort of - happened in my family, too.

When we were young, we had a tortoise called Mickey. You know how it's traditional to paint their name on their back? Well, we didn't have any paint, so my mum made a label and sellotaped it on. A few days later, she saw that it had fallen off and so replaced it. This happened again a few days later. Eventually she found three identically-labelled Mickeys in the garden.

I lived with a guy called Mickey, who rather resembled a nice tortoise at times, i always wondered what happened to him.....

zdt

That's the thing about urban legends, they always happened to your brother (cousin, brother-in-law's sister-in-law . . . )

I met my first UL in 1972 (I had just started my first job). A pupil swore to me that he knew the family it happened to: child fails 11+ exam because she answered the question "dog, cat, TV, odd one out?" as "cat" thinking "it's the one that doesn't need a licence".

My first internet forum was alt.folklore.urban (still going -- just googled it -- http://tafkac.org/ ) about ten years ago. That's a long time on the net.

For the record, I believe my brother. It did happen to him. My father confirmed that my brother was called to court for the trial of the "thief" who he had (mistakenly) apprehended.

I came across an ad once for a course (FE college somewhere near Winchester, if I recall) on Urban Myths, Conspiracy Theories and Popular Culture.

I've got this mate who's brother knows the guy who was behind the grassy knoll...








He never shows his face, though. He's a Knoll Coward.

Another thing about ULs, a lot of them are true, too (as someone (Gnomon?) said above. The dead prostitute under the hotel bed is confirmed in newspaper coverage, apparently (guest sniffs a bad smell, investigates . . .)

I was convinced that a story told on "Sunday Miscellany" on RTÉ a few years ago was a legend; man goes skinny-dipping in hotel pool, not knowing the side is glass and his family are watching him from the dining room. I wrote to alt.folklore.urban about it, but it wasn't doing the rounds; I also wrote to RTÉ who assured me that the story-teller was speaking from personal experience. The thing was, I'd heard a similar story in school years earlier, where the man pulls down his trunks to relieve himself in a corner of the pool (why??).

Another one I've heard several times is the 'Mr and Mrs' quiz show question:
'Where's the most unusual place you've had sex'
'In the ass.'

Apart from anywhere else, it's in an Elmore Leonard novel.

But it's plausible because comparable incidents *have* happened. Unfortunately, Johnny Craddock's 'I do hope your doughnuts turn out like Fanny's' turns out to be a UL. And the Captain Pugwash characters of Master Bates and Seaman Staines were made up by Victor Lewis-Smith (although...the guy who did the voices was on the radio the other day - he died last week - and he refered to one of the characters as Bates).
One that I witnessed, though, was Simon Groom on Blue Peter showing a door knocker from Winchester Cathedral alongside its replacement replica:
'What a lovely pair of knockers!'
and later in the show, talking to someone about their new guide dog:
'And Goldie isn't taking a blind bit of notice.'

I was trying to think where else I've heard the Mr &n Mrs one. I *think* it's in the film, 'Jackie Brown' - also based on an Elmore Leonard novel.

Yes it was very easy to mistake Master Mate (the genuine character in Captain Pugwash) for Master Bates. And there really was a sailor called Willy, but he wasn't Seaman Willy. And he was Tom the Cabin Boy, not Roger the Cabin Boy.

I'm fairly sure that Peter Hawkins who did the voices said 'Bates' because it made me sit up. Maybe he re-created his memory of the name.

Hawkins was also the voices of Bill and Ben, the Daleks and the Cybermen. And (I've just seen) the Cadbury's Smash Martians.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,60-2277196,00.html

Then there's the category of 'well known facts'. I recently disabused someone of the Port-Out-Starboard-Home myth ('posh' is almost certainly from the Romani for 'money').

Another one I've heard a couple of times recently is that when someone jumps from a tall building, they're dead before they hit the ground. Comforting though this might be for the relatives of suicides, I doubt very much that anyone has actually jumped while attached to an ECG machine.

And then there's the health visitors who kept telling us that it's vitally important for a child to crawl - 'even if it's only for one day' - before walking. I doubt they could point to any peer-reviewed, controlled studies. (My daughter bottom shuffled. She didn't even attempt to pull herself up on the furniture until she saw her twin brother walk...and promptly stood up and did the same).

Right, here's one which is definitely true, because i actually know the person & if you email me i will go to the bother of finding several other folks to confirm & quite possibly he can be Googled, since he is a musician.

Musicians do tend to be broke in the early days. This ones second name was Bates, which led to the inevitable jokes, since he was a ginger haired big lad & a drummer, you can add lots of variations including the rhthym method.

Hadn't seen him for years, then he turns up in the pub:

"How's it going Jim?"

"Not bad, got myself some part time work"

"Great stuff, where?"

"Er...at the Uni"

"Brill, what are you doing?"

"Erm i'm with the medical department"

"Ah right, lab tech stuff?"

"Erm no, it's sort of a research & development thingy"

"Hmm; you seem a bit shifty about it, is this some sort of top secret thing?"

" No. I'm a sperm donor"

zdt

Bet he was making money hand over fist. (Ba-dam TISH)

The "Mr & Mrs" one is particularly fascinating. The show's host, Bob Eubanks, later denied it ever happened, but it did, and the clip is available here, though bleeped out. http://urbanlegends.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/newlywed.htm