h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Interesting! It seems to have been recreated since *as though* it were an urban legend.

There was a shameful mutation on Radio 4s PM yesterday, when listeners were invited to e-mail in their favourite Top Of The Pops moments. One misquoted the famous John Peel quote, thus:
'If that record [Sinful by Pete Wylie] gets to No. 1, I'll come round and break wind in your kitchens'.

It was actually '...doesn't get...'. He was a big fan of Pete Wylie.














Speaking of the Mr and Mrs incident...whenever I think of the Isle of Arran - for which the ferry port is a wee Ayrshire town of Ardrossan - I can't help thinking of the following one-liner:
'She said "Kiss me where it's wet and smelly." So he drove her to Ardrossan.'

I heard one from my uncle some years ago that curiously is not in Snopes.

It concerns a guy who was driving from Belfast down to Dublin on the M1 Motorway very late one night when he accidentally drove down the wrong off-ramp at Lisburn.

Since it was very late in the night and there were no cars on the road, he put the car into reverse and started backing his way up the off-ramp to get back onto the motorway.

He didn't get far. A car smashed into him from behind before he had made it back onto the motorway. Although he was uninjured, he was petrified - how could he possibly have an excuse for this one?

The police were on the scene in what seemed like seconds. He waited in his car, ready to face the music, until an RUC officer approched the car and asked him to pull down the window.

Before he had a chance to explain, the officer said to him that they had been tailing the guy behind him for some time, on suspicion that he had taken a few drinks. "He's telling us that you reversed into him, but we're having none of it".

The most curious conversation I've ever had with a polis:

I used to live in a (ahem) vibrant area. It had a bit of a gang problem - nothing too heavy, but we quite often had to phone the police about this and that.

Anyway, one day as I was walking back from the off licence, I passed a small knot of adolescents hanging around on the corner, one of whom was showing off with a sword. So I phoned the local community officer:

Me: I think you ought to know...there's a young guy on the corner with a sword.
Him: What kind of sword?
Me: I think it's a cavalry sabre...but is that important?





(I fairness...he was probably trying to establish whether it was a Sikh ceremonial sword)