h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm not necessarily on top of things just at the moment; there's a lot going on.

For a start, I have a new boss, and I believe he's a fool. But this isn't the main problem.

One of my closest friends has gone mad. No, really. He's psychotic. He's been detained twice under the Mental Health Act, but not for long enough. He's done some bizarre things in the last week, some of which could be seen as criminal acts. It's a very long story and I won't go into details here, but I am having trouble coming to terms with the drastic changes in his personality and the fact that he poses a danger to other people. He is receiving treatment but it isn't working.

I've just been speaking to my sister. She has a long-standing heart condition, and it looks like her medication isn't working all that well either. She may have to have a defibrillator fitted in her chest cavity, to administer a shock to the cardiac muscles if she has a further attack of arrhythmia. (She's 34 years old. She almost died when she was 19; she had a series of seven heart attacks in 42 hours, with no prior signs of trouble.)

There's a massive journal entry in each of these items, but I'll leave it here. I'm trying to cope with lots of stuff, and I'm not doing all that well. By putting the bare facts here, with no philosophical ramblings, I might be able to cope a bit better. They're in writing now; they're real; I simply *have* to cope.

Sometimes this world just seems to be too and unfair. I hope things will turn better for you and others after all.

Thanks Hati.

This is why I didn't type to you while you were away. You had enough things to think about.

It's time I had some . Please stay and have some with me.

hi Ivan,

I sometimes find it helps when so many things are going badly at once to take each problem separately and ask myself what exactly I can *do* about each situation. Because I think one of the worst things is feeling powerless with so many things happening at once.

Sometimes, as in the case of your sister and your friend, the most you can do is offer love and support. Work situations usually have some other options. But at least if you know you are doing all you can do then the upsetting things can (maybe?) be seen as out of your control and *that's* a different perspective that might help you to cope.

Not sure if that makes sense. Anyhow, just my



az

I usually find that talking/writing about things helps me to sort them out somewhat. But I've heard that that is a very "female" way of dealing with the stuff.

I can never refuse , really.

Thanks for the az. Here, have some . Or there's if you'd rather.

I think I've realised that there's nothing I can do about either of the big issues, but it's awful just sitting here while people disintegrate. In the meantime, is helping. It's got to be better for me than turning to for help. My sister is in the hands of the doctors; my friend is in the hands of the police, who will probably put him in a clinic again. I can't do anything at all.

Would anybody like a ?

I would love to have some .

I haven't told you about my theory about the *real* friends. We all have friends. Some of them are closer than others, some of them we see more often, some we miss strongly. For me the *real* friends are thouse at who's front door I can knock at random tuesday 4 am telling that I am in trouble or I have a problem and they'd invite me in and offer a cup of . I have had this feeling for ages now and I know I have some of this kind of friends. it doesn't matter how often I meet them of if I will ever knock at their doorway. After joining h2g2 I can even tell that it doesn't matter if I've ever met them after all. But knowing I have those friends has helped me a lot.

Thanks for the chocolate offer, Ivan , but I much prefer .

I think I must be the only woman on the planet who doesn't like

Yes, it *is* awful watching people fall apart around you. But as you say, their fate is out of your hands. All you can do is care - which you are doing. I know it's useless to say this, but worrying will also not help at all. Why not focus on the problem that possibly has a solution within your control instead?

az

It's late, and I'm running out of intelligent things to say.

The problem within my control - my new boss - is easily fixed. I just need to house-train him. I've done this to bosses before. Once he's realised that he'll get the best results from me when he leaves me alone to get things done, I'm sure we'll get along just fine.

Hati, what you say about friends is correct. My mad friend is one of these special people; in the past, I have had to call him at 4am and he has never complained. He's done the same to me. But this time, I can't help at all, and he can't see that because he won't admit he's ill.

I think I need some sleep. The kettle's boiled; the tea's in the pot. Az, there's several bottles of wine on the sideboard in the kitchen; the corkscrew's in the top drawer. Please, help yourself. I'll be awake again in a few hours...

Buenas noches, Ivan. Que te duermas bien. Hasta prontito.

*goes off to rummage through top drawer for corkscrew . . .*

az

Ivan

Sleep well. There is so many things we can do nothing about. But very few of those are ultimate. We can still hope.

hi Hati,

Well, while Ivan gets some much needed sleep I just wanted to comment on what you said about friends. The 4 o'clock in the morning type. Quite rare and extremely special those. What I have noticed is that just knowing this type of friend exists is usually enough - it helps to keep things together until a more reasonable hour arrives to ask for help.

Oddly, I have found some people here on h2g2 who are that sort of friend, even though I have never met them in RL. Isn't that strange?

I've found this place to be quite a 'real' community somehow. And many people here feel like my family. Anyhow, we have common ground in that we both like Ivan very much.

az

I strongly agree with everything you said. I have met some of fellow researchers (list on my U-page) and there is a lot I would love to meet but that is not the issue. I mean I can still feel that great confidence and special kind of friendship with people I have never met and probably will never meet. What a wonderful place it is!

Ivan I've been through some pretty rough things growing up, nothing quite on the sclae you're dealing with, but pretty bad all the same and I just wanted to share a quote with you that's always helped me (worried I'm now sounding all gospelly and religious but anyway...) "The big things are going to come, there's nothing we can do about that. So what are we? Puppets? No. The big things *will* come and there is *nothing* we can do about it. What matters is what we do afterwards, that's when we find out who we really are" I just think this is quite powerful and it helped me because it made me realise what happens isn't a reflection on me, how I react is. I'm quite proud to say I reacted with courage and strength (eventually) and I'm sure whatever happens you can do the same

Hi Ivan its your hooligan friend. just to let you know since i joined hootoo you are one of my most favouritest people. i hope you will still be able to meet me at Sydney cos I will have no probs talking to you about stuff that's happening right now. If you can't though that's fine - no worries, though I'll be disappointed cos I'm really looking forward to meeting you.

Keep talking and posting. And as for the difficult boss thing, I know that only too well too.

now and forever. If I don't see you in Sydney I'll see you in Canberra.

hey Iago!

Fancy seeing you here.

az

Sidney, Canberra... Sometimes it's hard to believe those places exist at all.

Az, I crop up everywhere lately. Now that Buffy the Vampire Slayer has finished I've had to find something that occupies my time.

Iago,

I've never seen Buffy. I've also never seen Seinfeld or Sex in the City. Nor South Park. I have seen maybe two episodes of the Simpsons. Sometimes I feel soooooooooooo out of touch.

az the outsider

You are so deprived! I always though Spain was a civilized country but now I'm not so sure You're not missing much with South Park but with all the others... I don't know how you cope