h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Up until about 3.45 on Sunday afternoon, fords and I had had a very enjoyable weekend in London. Then it all started to fall apart as we tried to get back to Kings Cross for the 4 o'clock train home. With the minutes ticking away, it suddenly became clear that the Northern Line still wasn't stopping at Kings Cross and we were going to have to keep going until Euston and catch the Victoria Line back from there to Kings Cross. One mad dash up the escalator and through the maze of corridors later and we belted onto the train with seconds to spare...

...only to find people sitting in our seats. After a bit of a "discussion" it was established that all the seat reservations on the train had been cancelled because the printer wasn't working and they couldn't print out the little tickets to put on the reserved seats. Obviously pens have been banned from Kings Cross station for security reasons. We trudged through six carriages, eventually finding seats just outside the smoking compartment and settled down for a couple of hours, until...

...just north of Durham the train ground to a halt. Not unusual for a train in this country, of course, but we became more and more suspicious as the delay dragged on. Eventually someone was forced to make an announcement. There was a fire in a scrapyard just north of Newcastle and they were having to switch off the overhead power lines to allow the fire brigade to put it out. This meant taking the train back to Durham. Twenty minutes later they decided that they might as well just terminate the service at Durham while they worked out what to do. Another twenty minutes later a diesel Virgin train arrived to take us to Newcastle, but as the fire had now completely closed the line north of there, we ended up being bussed fifteen miles further north to Morpeth, where a GNER train that couldn't get any further south was commandeered to take us to Edinburgh. We gladly boarded the train and sat in the first class compartment, confident that nobody would have the guts to challenge us. Of course, once we were on that train it had to go south for about ten miles before it could turn around, stop to pick up more people who had arrived at Morpeth, and start the northbound journey. Finally we were on our way home...

...until signalling problems just north of Morpeth delayed us for another half hour. We should have been home and uploading the meet photos by this time. Rumours were now spreading that GNER were offering complimentary food and drink from the buffet car. fords went to investigate and came back with the goods: a small bottle of warm water and two broken biscuits. It was at this point that I lost my temper, emptying the remnants of biscuit onto the first class saucer and throwing the wrapper over my shoulder in disgust. The train rumbled on, stopping at all stations north of Morpeth, finally reaching Edinburgh at 11:40...

...ten minutes too late to catch the last connecting train from there. Fear not, as the nice GNER man had promised that everyone's journey would be honoured, by taxi if there were no more trains running. So we all trooped into the GNER customer service office, where we were offered a complimentary pack of peanuts (average contents: seven) and a hopelessly incompetent office monkey tried to arrange taxis for fifty tired, digruntled passengers, some travelling as far as Aberdeen and Arbroath. Pens and paper were obviously in short supply here too, and the office monkey seemed to have some form of short term memory loss, as he asked us at least four times where we were going, and didn't get around to ordering us a taxi for at least half an hour. We finally hopped into a taxi with a very nice girl who was going to Stirling (and had been sold a ticket for a train that didn't exist, full marks again GNER) and stumbled home at 1 o'clock on Monday morning, a full three and a half hours late.

Will we be travelling with GNER again? I'd rather stick needles in my eyes.

I hope you've made a formal complaint n are getting some compensation..thats disgusting!

They were handing out complaint forms as early as Durham... we're just having trouble fitting it all on the form!

I had somthing similar on the way back from Glasto, but nowhere near as hardcore. I empathise. I also empathise with the (probably very badly paid) 'office monkey' who was suddenly confronted with 50 angry passengers. I wouldn't have fancied being in their shoes...

roymondo, the Devil's advocaat.

We weren't particularly angry when we got there. It was only as we waited and waited and waited for our taxis that we got angry...

Staple a piece of a4 to the back of it then !

I really shouldve complained about national express leaving me in swansea n then charging me for a new ticket but by the time i got home n faced a crss babysitter i couldnt be arsed.

I will do... I'll be attaching this photo too: http://community.webshots.com/photo/286830790/399488673ikixtd

Wow! Those are lows I thought only virgin could stoop to!

*sympathy*

That's dreadful. GNER can't be blamed for the fire, but they really should try harder to make their paying passengers' imprisonment a little easier. Then again, have you tried their sandwhiches? Maybe you had a lucky break!

Hee hee..."Office monkey"



That does sound appalling trainoddity Hope you get some cash or a baby hedgehog back for your trouble

Gosh! I remember that sprint up the escalators at King's Cross, and you just making the train, and me thinking "well, that's all right then, at least they got on their train!"

There is a school of thought that "lineside fires" are actually caused by the trains - sparks igniting grass in hot/dry weather, so we can actually lay the blame for this on the stoopit stoopit Government who illegally renationalised Railtrack. Or 2legs. We can blame him too.

Customer service, eh? what's that, then? GNER should operate from Luxembourg.

RF

Nothing like an adventure to really make your weekend is there?

And that's nothing like a weekend. Pah.

By the way, how many people got the question about me right?

<>

I thought that idea was proven to be a load of dingo's kidneys in the 1800s?

"The human frame is not designed to withstand such velocities! Lungs will collapse, eyes will burst from their sockets and they very skin will be flayed from the body! They are a danger, sir! A danger!"

That theory is perfectly valid. For steam trains. Last time looked, even GNER hadn't sunk to stock that old.

Traveller in Time waiting for the full report from and to the London meet
"This story just proves you live in a civilised country, there is public transport just do not expect it to take you anywhere near where you wanted to go today.

Glad you made it finally, do not forget to copy the form and fill all the hundred duplicates with every minor discomfort you have experienced. The best way to fight red tape is with red tape

against terrorism"

At least they didn't need to restock their supply of lemon soaked towels.

"By the way, how many people got the question about me right?"

Buggered if I know, I was well by that time.

That should have been worth a gazillion points, so should have been more noticable.

I can assure you, our team got it right, Mina. Do you know what the question was?

EV, console yourself with the fact that you weren't travelling alone, even if you had a horrendous journey, at least you have a significant other, and you were together.

Many others travelled alone, and the time passes much slower.

Yes, someone told me in email, which is how I knew to ask about it.