h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

kewl!

Apparently, male badgers do stick around and help raise the little 'uns, so I'm revising my ideas about the family unit, that maybe it was a couple and two kiddies.

Big Badger is a loner. A rebel. A godfather badger. Born to make trouble.

Brando reincarnated as a large badger?

He's made the flowerpot an offer it can't refuse

Look out or you'll find the head of a horseradish in your bed!

The horseradishes sleep with the fishes (or they may have been buried under the thistly thing, it's hard to tell with a torch)

Big badger just turned up with a friend! Er ... Other Big Badger (going to need some names, I think). Anyway, they were right up on the terrace - I didn't spot the second one at first because it was so close to the house. They just snuffled around for a bit then headed off down the lawn.

Not in an entertaining mood, obviously, Just popped round to say 'hi', perhaps. Fine by me!

*Notices badgers putting on black eye masks and stripey vests. Picking up bags with SAWG on them.*
I think their spelling isn't so good.
*Badgers post a lookout and start moving towards the house.*
Oh, no! Trin is away! He's going to miss all the fun stuff.

Big Badger just popped round to welcome me home. Well, I heard a couple of big snuffles from outside, so I'm taking them as a 'Welcome Back' - though they're probably just further tokens of disregard for any form of stealth and/or prowling.

He's made some bloomin' big holes in the lawn, mind I might finally go for the dog-food option and see if I can't discourage him.

I think badgers are quite fond of Caesar dog food, small yapper type dog food....

Though thinking about it, I think that sainsbury's have brought out a new line of animal food...BadgerMate I think it's called, from the makers of coffeemate

Badgermate? Isn't that the Badger version of viagra?

Reason enough to come scampering up to the terrace either way.

I drove over to a friend's house earlier today and there was a badger at the side of the road. It was sleeping.

It *was*

It was *sleeping*, I tell you

They do that at this time of year. It's a big badger festival. They drink too much but have a long lived tradition of sleeping by the side of the road so that some of their less sozzled friends will see them and give them a lift home.

Phew! I thought it would be something like that. And do they often ask the hedgehogs/squirrels/bunnies/foxes to join them in their carousing?

Indeed they do - they carouse flat out!

So who drives? Do they pick a designated badger?

Hmmm. One steering, three on the pedals, one for the gears, one to change the tapes over. Hang on, that's silly. Badgers would drive automatics, surely

They try and find automatics but they'll drive whatever they can lay theri claws on. The prefer soft tops or open convertibles as they have trouble with door handles.

So an open sunroof is asking for trouble then? Why is there nothing about this in the Highway Code?

*Checks Highway Code*

Ah, must have missed that bit: "An open sunroof is an invitation for badger-related trouble." Fair enough.

By a weird coincidence, I was just about to write a new journal entry on how cold it's getting (yea, woo, fascinating) and how unlikely it was that the badgers would be showing up again when I heard a strange slurping sound outside.

Big badger was having a drink out of the drain cover! This is the closest he's been to the house so far and he really is a very big badger indeed. The drain cover drinking pools are usually used by pigeons and squirrels, so they're liable to get a bit of an olfactory shock tomorrow ("Poo! What's that? Badger! Arghhh!")

Trin, you're up late again. How's the jet lag?

And how big are the badgers?

Jetlag is still hanging around actually - and it's been nearly a week! May have altered my nametag a bit prematurely.

And the badgers are big!