h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I did something amazing today. I jumped out of a plane.

Arrived at the airfield at 8am, checked in, had the training course and then waited around for hours until it was finally our turn to jump at 12pm. The waiting around was horrible.

There were about twenty solo skydivers, three tandem jumpers and our cameramen all bundled into the skyvan like sardines. We were packed in so tightly that nobody could move and being strapped to the instructor made it extremely difficult to back out of it if I'd've wanted to. We'd flown up fifteen thousand feet when the back door was opened and the solo skydivers ran to the opening and flung themselves into the sky.

After they'd all jumped it was our turn. First one leaped, next my brother and then I was the last one out. Walking towards the opening was the scariest thing. We stood in the doorway to watch my brother hurtling away from me and then I let the instructor take my weight. You've got to hold your head up towards the sky but all I wanted to do was look down at the very very far away ground.

And then we plummeted toward the ground at 120mph. We span around a few times and I kept catching glimpses of the plane moving further and further away. After about a minute of freefalling, which seemed to go on for so much longer, the instructor opened the parachute and we span round in circles and glided for five minutes.

As soon as we landed all I wanted to do was go back up and do it all over again.

You're so brave

I'm getting wobbly knees just thinking about it

The instructor was incredibly reassuring, telling me that he'd never jumped out of a skyvan before and then that he was gonna jump out backwards.

I got wobbly knees before we got on the plane. Could barely walk anyway what with all the gear making me waddle.

Are you going to do it again then?

(I mean jump out of a plane. Not waddle. You can waddle again if you want to, obviously.)

I wanna.

They were telling us about a course where you do it on your own. That might be too scary. Don't think I could jump out on my own without a big shove.

Gor blimey. What the possessed you to do something like that?

There wasn't anything on the telly.

That's what DVD rental is for.

There's nuffin worth renting.

I got a dooveedoo of it all too.

*goes to check DVD rental websites*

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh Splat!" Is that the one?

The one with extreme gravity? Yep, that's it.

"Death Wish"? Is that it?

That's the one.

An episode of Father Ted springs irresistibly to mind.

Which one?

Damn those naysayers! If you want to jump out of a working aeroplane, you go right ahead and do it!

RF

Father Jack dangling in a tree with the drinks trolley dangling just out of reach in another tree.

I will!

*empties pockets*

Need more spoons.

Get me an umbrella and a really big ladder.

This is the biggest Lada I could find: http://englishrussia.com/images/lada_tank.jpg