h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Why is it that I'm happy when I'm away from here, but end up in tears every time I visit?

Why is it that everything I do or do not do is wrong some how? Why is it that if I'm upstairs, I'm moaned out for not being about? Why is it if I'm downstairs, the TV gets switched off and I have to go away again? Why is it that if I try and help, and do some housework, I'm shouted at for not vacuuming the stairs, clearing the garden or cleaning the sink? Why is it that I'm not allowed any of the credit for my own achievements? Why is it I'm considered worthless because I've not got a job in two weeks?

Why is my Dad happy and friendly 10% of the time, but the rest of the time treats me like something he scraped of his shoe? Why do I get so upset by being shouting at despite knowing I'm not responsible and have done nothing wrong?

Why does it hurt so much more to be treated badly by the people you love?

Why is it impossible not to forgive them and trust them, so you just end up getting hurt again and again and again?

Hi Unc, I've sent you a mail
Must leave here again,keep your chin up

I am so sorry to hear that the life seems to be so completely unfair, dear girl. I don't have any answers to the same kinds of questions I've pondered over the years. I only know that, in the end, they ARE the only family I'll ever have. And I end up forgiving all.

About all I can offer is the knowing that you are plenty fine and worthy enough to many of us distant folks of hootoo.

I wish I had something wise to say. However I at least have something friendly to say- I have enjoyed communicating with you and I hope that you realize that your open communication has been helpful to me. In other words you're doing something right for me. Life can be viewed from many perspectives.

Have courage, Leornian

Thanks for the email and the replies . I know I'm worth more than I'm often told I am, but it doesn't stop it from upsetting me. I guess there may not be any answers to the questions, but I'll keep trying all the same.

The thing about parents is that they never quite get over the fact that their children grow up. One day (probably quite soon) you will get a job and a place of your own and it will probably change your relationship with your folks for the better.

The fact that you've been away at Uni for the past three years means you effectively left home already, so this temporary coming back bit can't be easy. I couldn't live with my parents now - I've been doing my own thing for 17 years and I couldnt' go back to someone elses routine (and being treated like a 12 year old by my Dad). Most women like to do things a certain way and I'm sure you and your Mum have very different approaches to housework.

It'll get better.

Liz
~

Lizzbett, I really like your tag
Unc, hope you're much better now. I know how upsetting this is, I couldn't live with my parents anymore, in fact, I have difficulties living with my own family now and then

B'Elana - I saw those words on a sign in my best friend's downstairs loo.

It's a natural thing for little birds to grow up and fly the nest. Adult children at home is always going to be stressful. For all parties. I live a two-and-a-half hour drive from my parents, and that is quite close enough.

I live a six to seven hours drive from my parents, that's close enough

With my wife and I both having been military, we lived in a number of places. And found that we had the best of relations with parents when we were about 4 - 5 hours drive away. Close enough for us to visit as we managed. They could as well, but wouldn't risk the time and distance if they weren't sure we would be home. So there was always lots of advance notice.

And best of all, no one dropping by for a or with som many "helpful" suggestions.

I kind of know how you feel, as for the past 2 years I've lived in my grandad's house, in a boring village, so I can't do a lot of stuff I used to do (i.e watch tv, play on the computer 24/7), and I have felt a bit depressed at times, but in a while you'll get a job and it will all be better

You have my sympathy - as has already been mentioned Dad's find it very hard to accept that their 'little girls' have grown up. Once you've found a job and have a settled routine things will settle down again, it'll just take a bit of time though.

I felt similarly alienated after moving back home after my first teaching job. Christmas that year was not fun! However once I started here at the library things settled down again, and were even better when I moved out.

There is no way I could ever live at home again, unless I stayed in the shed. But visiting or staying for a couple of nights is now enjoyable again.

I've no advice really... perhaps if you can find some temporary part time work it'll at least get you out of the house for a bit and stop any accusations of "hanging around being lazy while the rest of us are out slaving away etc;" and you'd still have time to look for a permanent job in the field your after.

Good luck,