This is a Journal entry by tanzen
The Carnival is Over
tanzen Started conversation Sep 1, 2004
I've just been going through my old journal entries, and old emails...as I am wont to do in the absence of any real entertainment.
(everyone has abandoned me )
So anyway, in this time of quiet contemplation, it’s becoming more and more obvious to me how different I *feel* these days. I mean, last year (to anyone who has been around that long, or has been bored enough top go through my old journal entries ) was an absolute drama. I plan on writing about it one day and publishing it. Naturally, I wouldn’t say it was an autobiography. Not only will people be confused (who is this tanzen ?) but it’s very likely that no one would believe me .
Now, although my life is still a mass of and wonderful things…it seems to be…I don’t know….calmer (wouldn’t my doctor be pleased ). Having said that, most of last year’s upheaval was due to boys (and girl). As my Ranger so aptly puts it “a cast of thousands” . And this year, after the misadventures with the American chap, I sat still.
I wouldn’t worry about boys. I barely even looked at boys.
(Not that I did to begin with, but I think I made more of a conscious effort to ignore them )
And that was when things started getting easier…and out of the blue I met the coolest boy in the world.
(let’s not make a big deal about that…it’s marvellous and I daresay it won’t last…tanzen doesn’t deserve pretty things )
But I suppose the point I am making is that these days things seem…settled. I mean, I’m still a headcase and w**k still blows…but better.
So now I can at least have a giggle at the stuff that I daresay everyone a year ago was giggling about…now that outcomes have been determined I can see the humour in situations and my reactions to them. So that old adage, you know “one day we’ll look back on this and laugh”, seems to hold true.
So let’s all have a little chuckle, the jokes are on me
The Carnival is Over
aka Bel - A87832164 Posted Sep 1, 2004
Hi tanzen,
glad to hear you're happy, mkes life seem to be so much nicer, doesn't it ?
I'm just heaving some severe health probs, so the moment I can get a bed in hospital, I'll be off for two to three weeks - and that after having been off for two weeks of holidays - ah well.
See you
The Carnival is Over
tanzen Posted Sep 1, 2004
Aww puppet
But yes, it is nice being happy...as uncomfortable as I am with the concept
I will light a candle and hope that all goes quickly and well for you !
Make sure you pop in and tell me everything's ok, as soon as everything is ok
The Carnival is Over
clzoomer- a bit woobly Posted Sep 1, 2004
Awww. Tanz, luv I just haven't been around 'cause it's been the Summer. Let me make up for it here and now.
cl
The Carnival is Over
Blackberry Cat , if one wishes to remain an individual in the midst of the teeming multitudes, one must make oneself grotesque Posted Sep 1, 2004
I missed you last night
IT took the servers here off-line for an hour and it turned out to be for 8 hours
glad its all turning up at the mo
speak soon
The Carnival is Over
tanzen Posted Sep 1, 2004
Thanks kids
Now I think everyone knows I'm not the type to count my chickens before they hatch, but I intend on riding the happy wave as long as I can
The Carnival is Over
Arisztid Lugosi Posted Sep 2, 2004
glad its things are going well and you're feeling good tanzen
and if you wany my opinion you deserve pretty things
The Carnival is Over
tanzen Posted Sep 2, 2004
Thanks Arisztid
Time will tell whether or not things will work out...and there's no point worrying in the meantime, right ??
So I guess all there is to do is make hay while the sun shines
The Carnival is Over
clzoomer- a bit woobly Posted Sep 2, 2004
Tanzen, the moment I saw a pic of your smiling face everything you had ever said here came into context. Don't ever laugh at yourself because you think others might join in!! I only laugh at myself because I secretly know I'm superior.
The Carnival is Over
tanzen Posted Sep 2, 2004
Oh you
I come from a family of unbalanced people. Not unbalanced in the sense (ok, well that too ), but in that we fall. A lot. Apart from dodgy knees, there seems to be some defective gene that says we can only stay vertical for a certain amount of time...after that it's hit the floor
The first thing I learnt is, when you fall, unless something is broken...you should laugh. That way no one else will feel bad for laughing along.
I guess it's just an extension of that theory
The Carnival is Over
Jerms - a Brief flicker and then gone again. Posted Sep 6, 2004
I didn't abandon you! I just... wasn't... here. That's all!
Besides, I'm not laughing: I'm smiling. Benevolently, if it helps.
The Carnival is Over
tanzen Posted Sep 6, 2004
Just admit it, you abandoned me, I was left all on my lonesome...
...where anyone who knows me, knows that it's not safe to leave me alone
Feel free to giggle...giggle at the mess my life used to be, or the mundane sameness that is has become...either way there has to be a chuckle or two in there somewhere
The Carnival is Over
Jerms - a Brief flicker and then gone again. Posted Sep 6, 2004
I didn't abandon you! Not /abandon/ as such. More sort of... /left/ you.
I just had to be... elsewhere... for a few... days.
Actually I haven't sifted through your old posts yet; I'm saving them for a rainy day.
The Carnival is Over
tanzen Posted Sep 6, 2004
So not only did you leave me to wallow in an endless void of emptiness, you've not even taken the time to read the fruits of my pain and insanity ??
Oh wow, I think I was just chanelling my High School matyr complex
The Carnival is Over
Jerms - a Brief flicker and then gone again. Posted Sep 6, 2004
It wasn't an endless void of emptiness... I posted you that dancing monkey doll before I left... Didn't that fill up the void? Didn't you get it?
Don't you mean the /seeds/ of your pain and insanity? The fruit comes after the seed, babe. And the fruit is now.
-Jerms "The chicken comes /after/ the egg, dammit!" G.
The Carnival is Over
tanzen Posted Sep 6, 2004
No, I am shocked and saddened to say that I am living the life of a person who doesn not have a dancing monkey doll...and all the worse for it, now that I know what I'm missing
No, the *seeds* of my pain and insanity were in my head...the *fruits* of my pain and insanity were how they manifested, in the form of random posts and surreal banter...with myself
(By the way, I disagree...there were egges long before there were chickens )
The Carnival is Over
Jerms - a Brief flicker and then gone again. Posted Sep 6, 2004
Ah I see... bugger about the dancing monkey doll. It was pretty cool, too.
(Just changed my name for you, Tanzen! )
No! The eggs came /before/... wait.
What'd I say?
Key: Complain about this post
The Carnival is Over
- 1: tanzen (Sep 1, 2004)
- 2: aka Bel - A87832164 (Sep 1, 2004)
- 3: tanzen (Sep 1, 2004)
- 4: aka Bel - A87832164 (Sep 1, 2004)
- 5: tanzen (Sep 1, 2004)
- 6: egon (Sep 1, 2004)
- 7: clzoomer- a bit woobly (Sep 1, 2004)
- 8: Blackberry Cat , if one wishes to remain an individual in the midst of the teeming multitudes, one must make oneself grotesque (Sep 1, 2004)
- 9: tanzen (Sep 1, 2004)
- 10: Arisztid Lugosi (Sep 2, 2004)
- 11: tanzen (Sep 2, 2004)
- 12: clzoomer- a bit woobly (Sep 2, 2004)
- 13: tanzen (Sep 2, 2004)
- 14: Jerms - a Brief flicker and then gone again. (Sep 6, 2004)
- 15: tanzen (Sep 6, 2004)
- 16: Jerms - a Brief flicker and then gone again. (Sep 6, 2004)
- 17: tanzen (Sep 6, 2004)
- 18: Jerms - a Brief flicker and then gone again. (Sep 6, 2004)
- 19: tanzen (Sep 6, 2004)
- 20: Jerms - a Brief flicker and then gone again. (Sep 6, 2004)
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