This is a Journal entry by tanzen

The Carnival is Over

Post 1

tanzen

I've just been going through my old journal entries, and old emails...as I am wont to do in the absence of any real entertainment.

(everyone has abandoned me smiley - wah)

So anyway, in this time of quiet contemplation, it’s becoming more and more obvious to me how different I *feel* these days. I mean, last year (to anyone who has been around that long, or has been bored enough top go through my old journal entries smiley - biggrin) was an absolute drama. I plan on writing about it one day and publishing it. Naturally, I wouldn’t say it was an autobiography. Not only will people be confused (who is this tanzen smiley - erm?) but it’s very likely that no one would believe me smiley - laugh.

Now, although my life is still a mass of smiley - weird and wonderful things…it seems to be…I don’t know….calmer (wouldn’t my doctor be pleased smiley - winkeye). Having said that, most of last year’s upheaval was due to boys (and girl). As my Ranger smiley - loveblush so aptly puts it “a cast of thousands” smiley - bigeyes. And this year, after the misadventures with the American chap, I sat still.

I wouldn’t worry about boys. I barely even looked at boys.

(Not that I did to begin with, but I think I made more of a conscious effort to ignore them smiley - laugh)

And that was when things started getting easier…and out of the blue I met the coolest boy in the world.

(let’s not make a big deal about that…it’s marvellous and I daresay it won’t last…tanzen doesn’t deserve pretty things smiley - erm)

But I suppose the point I am making is that these days things seem…settled. I mean, I’m still a headcase and w**k still blows…but better.

So now I can at least have a giggle at the stuff that I daresay everyone a year ago was giggling about…now that outcomes have been determined I can see the humour in situations and my reactions to them. So that old adage, you know “one day we’ll look back on this and laugh”, seems to hold true.

So let’s all have a little chuckle, the jokes are on me smiley - biggrin


The Carnival is Over

Post 2

aka Bel - A87832164

Hi tanzen,
glad to hear you're happy, mkes life seem to be so much nicer, doesn't it ?smiley - winkeye
I'm just heaving some severe health probs, so the moment I can get a bed in hospital, I'll be off for two to three weeks - and that after having been off for two weeks of holidays - ah well.
See you

smiley - hug


The Carnival is Over

Post 3

tanzen

Aww puppet smiley - cuddle

But yes, it is nice being happy...as uncomfortable as I am with the concept smiley - laugh

I will light a candle and hope that all goes quickly and well for you smiley - cheerup!

Make sure you pop in and tell me everything's ok, as soon as everything is ok smiley - cuddle


The Carnival is Over

Post 4

aka Bel - A87832164

I'll do that, and you have a great time smiley - ok


The Carnival is Over

Post 5

tanzen

Thanks smiley - biggrin

You look after yourself smiley - smooch


The Carnival is Over

Post 6

egon

Glad you're happy.


The Carnival is Over

Post 7

clzoomer- a bit woobly

Awww. Tanz, luv I just haven't been around 'cause it's been the Summer. Let me make up for it here and now. smiley - stoutsmiley - discosmiley - hugsmiley - magicsmiley - smoochsmiley - bubblysmiley - cakesmiley - kisssmiley - cuddlesmiley - redwinesmiley - alesmiley - blush

smiley - cheers

cl


The Carnival is Over

Post 8

Blackberry Cat , if one wishes to remain an individual in the midst of the teeming multitudes, one must make oneself grotesque

smiley - sorry I missed you last night
IT took the servers here off-line for an hour and it turned out to be for 8 hours smiley - steam
glad its all turning up smiley - rose at the mo smiley - smiley
speak soon smiley - cuddlesmiley - smooch


The Carnival is Over

Post 9

tanzen

Thanks kids smiley - cuddlesmiley - smooch

Now I think everyone knows I'm not the type to count my chickens before they hatch, but I intend on riding the happy wave as long as I can smiley - oksmiley - cheers


The Carnival is Over

Post 10

Arisztid Lugosi

smiley - hug
glad its things are going well and you're feeling good tanzensmiley - smiley

and if you wany my opinion you deserve pretty thingssmiley - cuddle


The Carnival is Over

Post 11

tanzen

Thanks Arisztid smiley - cuddlesmiley - smooch

Time will tell whether or not things will work out...and there's no point worrying in the meantime, right smiley - erm??

So I guess all there is to do is make hay while the sun shines smiley - ok


The Carnival is Over

Post 12

clzoomer- a bit woobly

Tanzen, the moment I saw a pic of your smiling face everything you had ever said here came into context. Don't ever laugh at yourself because you think others might join in!! I only laugh at myself because I secretly know I'm superior. smiley - tongueout

smiley - cheers


The Carnival is Over

Post 13

tanzen

Oh you smiley - blush

I come from a family of unbalanced people. Not unbalanced in the smiley - weird sense (ok, well that too smiley - laugh), but in that we fall. A lot. Apart from dodgy knees, there seems to be some defective gene that says we can only stay vertical for a certain amount of time...after that it's hit the floor smiley - rofl

The first thing I learnt is, when you fall, unless something is broken...you should laugh. That way no one else will feel bad for laughing along.

I guess it's just an extension of that theory smiley - smiley


The Carnival is Over

Post 14

Jerms - a Brief flicker and then gone again.

I didn't abandon you! smiley - yikes I just... wasn't... here. That's all! smiley - laugh

Besides, I'm not laughing: I'm smiling. Benevolently, if it helps. smiley - biggrin

smiley - hug


The Carnival is Over

Post 15

tanzen

Just admit it, you abandoned me, I was left all on my lonesome...

...where anyone who knows me, knows that it's not safe to leave me alone smiley - winkeyesmiley - laugh

Feel free to giggle...giggle at the mess my life used to be, or the mundane sameness that is has become...either way there has to be a chuckle or two in there somewhere smiley - biggrin


The Carnival is Over

Post 16

Jerms - a Brief flicker and then gone again.

smiley - yikes I didn't abandon you! Not /abandon/ as such. More sort of... /left/ you.
I just had to be... elsewhere... for a few... days.

Actually I haven't sifted through your old posts yet; I'm saving them for a rainy day. smiley - winkeye


The Carnival is Over

Post 17

tanzen

So not only did you leave me to wallow in an endless void of emptiness, you've not even taken the time to read the fruits of my pain and insanity smiley - wah??

Oh wow, I think I was just chanelling my High School matyr complex smiley - roflsmiley - rofl


The Carnival is Over

Post 18

Jerms - a Brief flicker and then gone again.

smiley - huh It wasn't an endless void of emptiness... I posted you that dancing monkey doll before I left... Didn't that fill up the void? smiley - yikes Didn't you get it?

smiley - ermDon't you mean the /seeds/ of your pain and insanity? The fruit comes after the seed, babe. And the fruit is now. smiley - huh

-Jerms "The chicken comes /after/ the egg, dammit!" G.


The Carnival is Over

Post 19

tanzen

No, I am shocked and saddened to say that I am living the life of a person who doesn not have a dancing monkey doll...and all the worse for it, now that I know what I'm missing smiley - wah

No, the *seeds* of my pain and insanity were in my head...the *fruits* of my pain and insanity were how they manifested, in the form of random posts and surreal banter...with myself smiley - laugh

(By the way, I disagree...there were egges long before there were chickens smiley - angel)


The Carnival is Over

Post 20

Jerms - a Brief flicker and then gone again.

Ah I see... bugger about the dancing monkey doll. It was pretty cool, too.

(Just changed my name for you, Tanzen! smiley - ok )

No! The eggs came /before/... wait. smiley - erm
What'd I say? smiley - huh


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