h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dougal?

Aye John?

Have ye got a minute?

Aye.

Come here, I wanna show you something.

Aye....

... Ok, I'm here.

Oh, indeed, so you are. Now. Look at that.

That box?

Aye. That's me new invention.

What is it? Is it a porridge making device of some kind?

Sadly not, Dougal, sadly not.

Well, John, that's where I must take my leave of ye then. You know my motto: If it doesnee concern porridge, then I'm no interested. I liked that thing you invented last week, that pipe for transferring porridge from the bathroom to the kitchen. I reckon that has potential, that one. But this box here, well, I cannae see the point of it, to be honest. Unless.....

Yes, Dougal?

...is it full of porridge?

No. I'll tell ye what it does. You see this switch here? I'm going to make it so that when you turn that switch, this front part of the box, it gets all full of colours and lights...

Aye, John, well, its getting late..

No, wait Dougal, there's sound too - and the pictures move and you see, this is the great bit, people - I am positive of this, absolutely positive - people will want, more than anything, to sit in front of this box and watch stuff move, er, inside it.

You've been working very hard of late, is that not so, John? You think anyone's going to be stupid enough to sit in front of that wee box and watch stuff moving inside it? Why would they want to do that, eh? I mean, there's stuff moving everywhere. I donna want to dissapoint ye John, but, if you look very carefully, there's even stuff moving ... just outside that wee box there.

But its educational too, Dougal. It can teach you things.

Ay, John, we've got books for that...

But...

Ay, I know, stuff doesn't move inside books. I'm afraid I really must go. I mean, think about it, John, there's a huge big world out there. If ye think that millions and millions of people are going to sit for hours on end, staring at stuff moving inside this wee little box, then you must think that human nature is a bizzare and, dare I say it, perverse thing. I'll take me leave of ye now John. Do drop by next week, and tell me about the developments ye make on the device for transporting porridge. Good day to ye now.

Good day, Dougle...

*thinks*

...maybe if I made the box a wee bit bigger..

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... porridge

Why does Philo Farthsworth have a scottish/irish (I can't tell the difference in text) accent?

...

Its a kind of pseudo-Scottish speach pattern, of the type found in the novels of Sir Walter Scott. A 'congenial' accent, if I may say so meself.

John Logie Baird, the person generally credited with the invention of television, was Scottish, I believe. Hence the accent.

I love Scotland, BTW. Its a fantastic place with fantastic people. I myself am Irish. My own accent is a wee bit different..

Oh! The mechanical television. That's different

Irish eh? That explains a lot

You know, I wonder about that. OK, there's the Irish - 'mad, trickster, gift of the gab, talk the hind legs off a donkey' kind of thing, but that's kind of generalising isn't it?

I read somewhere once about the Irish love of playing with words, that it was an aspect of refusing to be bound by centuries of imposed langauge from outside - i.e. England. For a long time, Irish people were forced - in many different ways - to adopt English as their langauge. To subvert this, people immediately began to 'Irishise' the English they were being taught - switching around grammatical phrases, making verbs into adjectives - that kind of thing. So this whole culture was born where word-play wasn't just peripheral, it was fundamental.

Maybe some of that rubbed off on me - but basically, I just love messing about with words and sentences and ideas in that way. Language is the infinite toy box of the lively mind.

Well americans have been accused of using english wrong, so we're in good company

'language is the infinite toy box of the lively mind'...your own quote? Brilliant! One worthy of a feted author me dear.
Take care
boots

I feel more like a faint author than a feted one. Or perhaps I just feel like feted cheese..

B*ggerit.
If you're Irish, then this is crap homage.
A1107712
(Still, something vaguely like it would be the sincerest form of flattery...)
Pin

I didn't understand the theory, Pinniped

It sounded like, Morris Dancing is a good excuse to have a nice, if repressively driven, drink and some music of an afternoon. But - the question is still begged, for me, why bring the bells?

I really liked - among many things - "bright-eyed and peach-cheeked young beauties" peach-cheeked is much better than rosy-cheeked.

What would be a good update is if they did Morris dancing, except using real Morrises - the cars, I mean. Put the on hydraulics like in America. Then stick some bells on, put it on the telly and I reckon its a goer...

You're not supposed to understand it, My Dear Item of Seaside Furniture, because I don't understand it either.

This was just my little attempt at doing a Grunt, after your fashion, using the methods I assume to be your own, viz : start off with only the vaguest idea of what you're thinking about and wait for the Muse to turn up already plastered.

Oh well, I guess I'd better leave it to the Master in future.
But it was supposed to be a compliment. Honest.

Pin

Well, I am well and truly flattered, then, Pin.

Thanks!

You're absolutely right on the technique. Part of it is exactly that, just start off and spin out the sentences.

But, I feel I should repay your compliment and reveal:

Dr Funderlik's secret of comedy:

The secret is this: Almost everything is funny. Here's how. Think of something - and ask: Whats the question here? Sometimes there's a kind of obvious question, but its the real, simple question laying under the surface that's the key thing. Just ask 'but why...'? and the comedy comes a runnin'.

And that's it.

An example, picked at random: The phrase "Which came first, the chicken or the egg".. What the heck is that about, and, more important.. why chickens? Why should chickens have the spotlight in a major ontological issue? Do they know something we don't... and so on. There you go, made up in about seven seconds, and you can see already how it could spin out into a complete article. And that just came from asking a really simple question - why chickens?

Anyway, I *hate* talking about this stuff - but I want to repay your compliment. For the record, and I really mean well with this - I could never, in a million years, possibly imitate your own style. You deal in levels of complexities and concepts that are uniquely original and uniquely your own. That thing you did about dogs and wolves comes to mind. That was brilliant, and I could never hope to imitate something like that.

Y'know, we really ought to give this thread back to its rightful owners. Dr Findlay was just prescribing CRT treatment for Janet, if I remember rightly...

...but...aah, yes. The wolf piece. Takes me right back to my first days here...

* sighs wistfully *

(You tried performing it? It's not written to be read, not that one. It's written to be delivered. That was what I was into back then. Maybe I ought to get back to it...)

And as you do humour, I do rhetoric. The secret is this: Almost everything is dramatic. Here's how. Think of something - and ask: What's the tragedy here?

...et cetera...

Hi Pin! How are you doing? Please note twas the humble boots who first commented on the excellent Gorgon entry. Re rhetoric/dramatic/comedy tis all the same...they do...we observe and comment on the absurbity.
take care good friend and let us know how goes it.
boots

Hello U Hound
Nice to see you about

Hi Abbi ditto. trust all goes well with you. Have to go and do the day job for a bit...see you around. take care boots PS are you the same Abbi that everyone is trying to contact for the girlie meet? http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/F51226?thread=295547 I do find all this technology most confusing!