h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh, please do explain. I've done my public airing of dirty linen; it's your turn...

Seriously, Mum was the hardest person to come out to. She'd known for years, of course, but getting her to face the facts and acknowledge them was quite a struggle. But that story can wait.

Ivan.

Well, it was kinda like that, but there's a slight twist to it ...

I'd originally told the eldest of my three sisters, and needless to say she was a bit surprised when I revealed that I was gay, but she was really supportive about it (she even wants me to take her and her "gay husband" to Canal Street in Manchester!). She encouraged me to tell mum as soon as possible, although she didn't apply any real pressure. There was also the thing about me meeting a guy whose mum worked with my mum as teachers in a school that me and this guy used to go to - not that we'd met, but how (it was an LGB event-type thingy) - this was a worry should our mums come into contact again ...

It was because I was starting to see Darren that I finally plucked up the courage to tell my mum - when I did, she told me that she had suspected I was anyway (she had since I was about 18 - five years ago - but had never had the opportunity to ask me until then). However, since then, whenever the subject's been brought up (although this hasn't happened for nearly a fortnight now), she keeps telling me that I shouldn't wholly reject the possibility that I could still have sexual relationships with women. In fact, the day after I came out to her, she suggested that I could go for professional counselling to try and become more certain about my sexuality. Now, the fact that I had spent six frustrating years actually coming to terms with my being gay and a further year and a half longing for a proper gay experience (before it finally happened) did not seem to count for much with my mum ... I *do* understand, though, that she is worried that I may never marry and produce grandchildren for her ... even if I were straight, I don't think I'd be keen on the idea anyway (mostly due to cost)! (Actually, my sister doesn't agree with mum - she reckons I shouldn't have to go to counselling, nor should I worry about not having children.)

So there we go ...

None of my lot ever suggested counselling; the thought just wouldn't have occurred to them. Mum isn't too bothered about what I do, or who I do it with, as long as I'm careful, and as long as I don't give her details... Fortunately she's not feeling deprived of grandchildren. She doesn't much like children. (A strange opinion for a mother of two who used to teach 5-to-7 year olds.) Although I do think it's a little sad that she won't be a grandmother (it's highly unlikely that my sister will reproduce), it's not something I dwell upon. I'm not enthusiastic about children, and if I were straight I wouldn't be trying too hard to produce any.

Mum likes D, which is a relief; she'd never liked any of the previous b/fs. I haven't the heart to explain that we're not a couple anymore, and that we haven't been a couple for some time. I don't think she needs to know. She knows that I'm happy, that I see a lot of D, that we go travelling together whenever we get a chance - I see no reason to confuse her with facts at this point.

I don't reject the possibility that I could have a relationship with a woman. I also don't reject the possibility that I could win the Nobel Prize for Literature. I just think it's infinitely improbable, that's all. Most of my friends are women, but that's because I like their minds. I have no opinion at all of their physical aspects, one way or another.

Sort of similar with me - I like women, but I'm not attracted to them nor would I want to sleep with them. I still haven't told mum who Darren is or that he is now my b/f - I think she may need a little more time before I tell her that.

Yes. It's probably kinder to accustom her to the new reality in instalments.

I think there was a year's gap between me telling Mum and me mentioning a particular boy in her presence. Maybe six months after that I let her meet the lad-of-the-moment. It's been more than ten years since then, and she's only just become comfortable enough with the subject matter to ask me questions about gay rights issues and so forth. But she is a slow developer in some ways.

This is where having next to no contact with either parent comes in very useful - I don't care what they think of my sexuality or boyfriends (or lack thereof at the moment but I'm not in a mopey mood)

And indeed, that's the case with me: my dad is almost completely out of contact with me and the rest of my family. But I live (officially and part-time) with my mum, so I feel she has a right to know about my sexuality and possibly my b/f's once she's comfortable with everything.

Oooh ... I almost forgot to report on what happened last Friday - here goes ...

Basically, after surviving more management lectures , I managed to meet the UMIST LGB for lunch, so I could ask where they might be at about half three that afternoon. I had to disappear to go to a feedback session on the lectures and to do a little bit of work, but I eventually worked out they were in Queer (on Canal Street) - so I told Darren and got there in plenty of time. Unfortunately, Darren was held up considerably by the traffic, mostly due to the Labour Party Conference , so by the time he arrived, most of the LGB were just about to set off for work, Birmingham, student election campaigning etc. However, although one of those who remained more or less ignored Darren, the other two were willing to talk to him about things (including our first date). After a while, we all decided to leave, so me and Darren went into town to do a little bit of shopping - I bought a personal CD player for the coach trip the following day. After that, we went into Pizza Hut for a meal - we shared a large stuffed-crust pizza and a large chocolate ice-cream sundae, staring at each other and flirting like anything in between mouthfuls! (We didn't get to kiss as there were too many other people there.) Afterwards, we went straight home and up to my room (the homophobic housemate wasn't in, so we were very happy about that), and after sorting a few things out for the next day, we went to bed .... and that's all I'm gonna say about Friday! Getting up the following morning was difficult, but we managed to get showered, dressed and out of the house in time for me to get the bus to Colwyn Bay for the Gilbert and Sullivan society.

We're definitely meeting up again on Saturday afternoon back at his place, but we're also planning to go to Poptastic's 8th birthday celebration a week tomorrow - so I'm gonna try and get a couple of tickets this week.

Update on that: we're actually now *not* going to Poptastic's 8th birthday - Darren can't afford it! However, we're going to spend a quiet (well, as quiet as we can make it! ) night in at my place instead.

And anyway Poptastic is rubbish so you don't want to celebrate it

Yes, it's so much cheaper to stay in - and you don't need to dress up for it either...

Well, the fact that the dress code is Sound of Music , I'm actually kinda relieved we're now not going. Oh, and BTW, against my will and better judgement, I *did* end up in Poptastic last night - mainly because I was looking after a mate of mine. (More details about that on request! )

*Request for more information*

*Meeting request*

OK, after trying to go to LaserQuest, we then went to Canal Street for a few drinks and a chat - I was staying off alcohol, because I had to drive my car to the garage for its service and MOT the following morning (I've just got it back, BTW). So we all chatted to each other, but I was chatting particularly to (Bitch) Rich and to Emma (the transgendered male-to-female). Emma had actually arranged to meet one of her coursemates soon after 10pm at UMIST, so we both went there to meet Phil - who happens to be a flautist in one of the orchestras I play in (in fact, it was that orchestra's rehearsal that I was missing that night - naughty me! ).

So we then went to Manto for some more drinks and chatting, and while we were there, Emma got a phone call from one of her other friends (Kenny) who was soon to do karaoke at Churchill's. So we then went there to see him sing - very badly and drunkedly - and soon afterwards, we were all at the bar having the odd drink (or seventeen in Kenny's case) and eventually Emma and Kenny actually pulled! Unfortunately, Kenny was exceptionally drunk and actually tried to get a phone number from the lesbian behind the bar, which got him promptly thrown out of there!

However, while we were in Churchill's, the others (there were five of us including me, Phil and Emma) were all talking about going to Poptastic afterwards - I still didn't want to go, as I really wanted a (relatively) early night. However, Phil (who's only 18/19) didn't want to walk home alone (as he would've done had we taken the bus home), so I eventually decided to go into Poptastic to look after him. (I'm just too tender-hearted, you know? ) So while I was there, I basically danced, got cans of Coke to drink and got molested by Emma and the other two! (Well, they kept trying to take my shirt off - and one of them did seem keen on me, for when we were dancing, he got really close to me and I could feel something down there! ) But eventually we all left to get some food and then we walked home - which took three hours (!) as we were all chatting about stuff on the way and we stopped at Phil's hall for a bit. So eventually, I got to my house at about 6am ... and so I was really tired yesterday.

And ... that's about it.

I suppose I'd better say for Ivan's sake that all the places myself and mikeo have mentioned are on Canal Street, Manchester's gay village

Yeah, I forgot about that - sorry Ivan! There should be webpages about the Gay Village in Manchester, though, should Ivan want more info on any of the places I have mentioned.

You are lucky to have a gay district in easy reach. In Canberra there's only one gay nightclub (and it's quite awful), though there are a few friendly cafes and at least one bar where nobody cares about personal proclivities. Canberra's basically a government town; it's full of closet-cases who don't want to jeopardise their chances of promotion. Sad, really.

Sydney of course is a different matter. I'm spoiled for choice of venue when I'm down there.

I'm off to Adelaide tomorrow - if I get any time to myself I'll be hanging around in gay pubs. I have to make up for lost opportunities...

Ivan.