h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You might be wondering what I've been waiting for all this time - basically, I have finally got a boyfriend! Here's what happened ...

In my last journal entry, I mentioned that I was going out for drinks with someone I'd met off Faceparty and had spoken to online (and also on the phone a couple of times). Well, I met Darren - the guy in question - outside Spirit (on Canal Street) and after buying drinks at the bar, we sat down and chatted for quite a bit about things. We were both rather nervous, but we started getting closer and closer to each other ... Eventually, I gave him a peck on the lips and that finally removed the tension between us, as we then started snogging and cuddling up together. (Although someone passing us while we were snogging shouted: "Get a room!" at us! ) Originally, Darren had to go to the bus stop for the last bus to Leigh at about 11:10pm, but he just missed it, so we went into Manto for more drinks, kissing and cuddling, before getting something to eat. After that, we went into the Thompson Arms for another drink before his dad came to pick him up in his taxi (who saw us hand-in-hand and kissing before Darren finally got in).

Naturally, since we'd got on incredibly well that night, we decided that we'd have to meet up again ... so we decided (both on the Wednesday night and in subsequent phone calls) to spend that Saturday evening together at his house in Leigh. So, bringing a change of clothes, a toilet bag and a bottle of Lambrini and following his directions, I eventually reached Darren's house, where he cooked some mince, carrots, peas and chips for dinner and a chocolate sponge pudding. We then watched "Beautiful Thing" while cuddling together on the sofa and after that, we basically made out for quite a while until the bed sheets had dried so that we could go to bed. No further details on what happened will be placed here, but basically we didn't get out of bed until about noon the following day. And we still really liked each other ...

We agreed to repeat this the following Saturday evening (i.e. a couple of days ago), so I arrived back at his place at about half four in the afternoon. After working up an appetite (), he started to put dinner on before we went over to his parents' house just over the road so I could meet his mum, sister and grandmother (who were very nice, BTW). Afterwards, he finished making Shepherd's Pie and once we'd eaten, we curled up again on the sofa to watch an episode and a half of the US version of "Queer As Folk", before we decided to go back to bed. While we were there doing what we were doing, Darren asked me a question (which he said a couple of days earlier he would be asking) - whether I'd be ready to be his b/f. I nodded ...

I'm still missing him terribly, although I'm gonna get to see him on Friday when he comes over to watch Gilbert and Sullivan's "Princess Ida", which I'm playing in the orchestra for between Tuesday and Saturday, and then stay the night with me. (I won't get to see him for two weeks after that, though. ) In the meantime, I've got a toothache and two management lectures to contend with, so I've got enough to deal with before I see Darren again (roll on Friday!).

Congratulations - and Good Luck.

Now I'm getting all sentimental/nostalgic... I'll stop before I get maudlin.

Ivan.

Actually, there's a bit of an update - we've actually agreed to meet up the following Friday as well, even though we'll have to get out of bed really early (as I'm off to Colwyn Bay for the day with the Gilbert and Sullivan lot). Part of the plan is that I introduce Darren to the UMIST LGB - should be interesting! But I won't have to wait for a fortnight to see him again - hooray!

Waiting can be fun, in an agonising sort of way, but a fortnight of it might have been excessive... Oh, you are lucky.

I particularly like the fact that you've met his family; it means he sees you as a complete person, not just a source of occasional physical amusements. He does sound nice.

Yeah, he is a really nice guy ... he actually feels that there is a strong possibility of us staying together for the rest of our lives, although we are postponing talk about things like marriage for a while ... just to see whether our relationship is strong enough for it all.

Unfortunately, there's been a bit of a problem - one of my housemates who had been away having medical experiments done on him had returned home that day. The thing is, he's rather homophobic at the best of times ... only when I finally saw him, he was completely p****d out of his tiny head, and after bumping into Darren as he entered the lounge, I silently prompted Darren to leave for my room. As we were going up the stairs, we heard this housemate mouth off about me and this "gay friend" of mine - exactly what he said cannot be shown here, but it was enough to frighten both me and Darren into deliberately avoiding him for the time we were in the house. (Not because we thought he would get violent - although it sounded liked he could've - but because I still have to live with him for a few more months.) It therefore means that unless this housemate is out next Friday or has promised to keep his mouth *shut*, Darren is unlikely to come over to my place again.

This housemate of yours. Is he bigger than you? Does he have any natural allies in the household? I'm wondering if he can be outnumbered or in any way intimidated. Of course, you're the only one who can tell if it would be worth the trouble.

(I'm also wondering if you could arrange for him to be detained for medical experiments indefinitely, but that probably isn't legal. He sounds like a lab rat, as used in experiments to find the homophobia gene and to determine whether homophobes are just closet cases after all.)

Somewhere earlier on this thread, I think you said that Darren and yourself had been told to 'get a room'. Is that an option for Friday? Think of it as a very short holiday.

Actually, the fact that my housemate was really drunk has actually worked in my favour - he can't actually remember what he did beyond three hours after starting to drink (at about noon!). Therefore, I doubt that he even knew Darren was there, let alone that he was a friend or even boyfriend of mine - so I don't think he'll be too upset if Darren returns to the house (although if he does ask whether Darren is my b/f, I won't lie to him). Darren's also fine about it now, so we're definitely meeting up again this Friday!

None of us in the house are really his allies, although we generally get on well with him (even me, although he has openly called me a "poofter" before now ... not nice, but it could be a lot worse). Intimidating him could be an option if he really kicks up a stink or tries to be violent, but so far I don't think that's necessary.

If it hadn't been fine, 'getting a room' would not have been an option, as I have to get a coach to go to North Wales at about 8:30am the following morning - and the cost would've been a bit too much for such a short time, anyway. Although I'm hoping we can go on holiday together at some point during the summer ...

Here's to Friday!

And to North Wales, of course. I expect you'll fly to the coach .

I've said it before - oh, you are lucky.

Ivan.

Ivan, I get a moment by moment account in RL and lucky only just begins to describe it

Moment by moment? would be inevitable.

I just find it reassuring that this sort of thing does still happen. It's been a long time since it happened to me, unfortunately, but I live in hope.

It is really sweet, it gives me a boost to read and hear about it. Yay for Mike and Darren

Yay for Mike and Darren, indeed!

It does make me feel good, even at this distance. I'm sitting here at my desk, surrounded by unpleasant work and two-legged freaks, but I'm floating on the fluffy pink clouds that come with remembering how I came to be with my last partner, who is now my best friend.

*sigh*

I'll tell you all about it one day, if I end up in a confessional mood.

We'll have to get you drunk, in my experience confessional=drunk. Fancy some Ivan?

Probably not a good idea while I'm at w*rk... give me another ten hours or so. By then I should be in the mood for writing a long post about love and death and airports. always helps these things.

Darn, then I'll be showing kids around my University, informing them of the great life of a student.

Showing them where the bar is, and things like that? That was the only useful information I retained from my first tour of the University of Adelaide.

Never mind, my ramblings will be here for your non-edification when you're free afterwards.

Yeah, that's about right ...

I had no idea you were doing that, HonestIago - are you getting paid for doing that at all?

Okay, here's my fluffy-pink-clouds story.

*sips *

A few years ago, I was transferred to Canberra for work. This wasn't exactly against my will, but Dad was in the hospice at the time and clearly wasn't going to last much longer. He knew I was leaving, but asked me to come back when he 'kicked the bucket' (his words).

I'd been here five days when I met a nice young man, who I'll refer to as D for the rest of this. It was at a birthday party in a restaurant. We met when I tripped and literally fell at his feet. Not a good start. He turned out to be very witty and charming and all that, and interesting-looking. Tall, slim, shaven head, goatee, earring... three of those things I'd never found attractive before, but on him somehow it works. High cheekbones. Darkish hair, what there is of it. Blue, slightly slanty, eyes. He's part-Irish, part-Dutch and part-Javanese.

*gazes into space for a while. sighs. snaps back to reality*

Anyway. We spent the next few weeks hanging about together and trying to work each other out. Eventually he let something slip, and my Gaydar gave a positive reading. (D has no Gaydar whatsoever.) We didn't pounce on each other immediately, though. 'Courting', I think it used to be called. In the course of this he invited me to a party.

A week before the party I had to rush back to Adelaide, where Dad was definitely on his last gasp. I was there for a week; I rigged it so I was notionally working, but the boss knew I was doing no such thing. I spent as much time as I could at the hospice. I was booked to return to Canberra on the Saturday.

Saturday morning, Dad died. I went with Mum and my sister and saw him laid out. Then I had to work out what to do.

[this is where I might lose the sympathy of my audience]

I flew back to Canberra as scheduled. I gave the lame excuse that I hadn't brought any funeral-type clothes with me, owing to dopiness. But the shameful fact is that the Saturday was the day of D's party, and I wanted to be there rather than in mourning.

So I went to the party. I told people what had happened. I had a bottle of vodka, and drank it all in an hour. Then I drank some other things. I had to be put to bed - in D's bed.

Some hours later the party ended, and D had to sleep somewhere... By then I was quite sober. One thing naturally led to another. D took me home at 10am, and I was back in Adelaide - with funeral clothes - by 8pm.

I could never have made it through the next few dreadful weeks without D. I spoke to him daily; I even wrote him the only love-letter I've ever written. And when I flew back to Canberra after the funeral week, I just fell into his arms and stayed there as long as I could.

The fact that my relationship with D started on that day of all days is the thing I'm most ashamed of in my life. The timing was dreadful and tacky and disrespectful and all that, but these are the terrible things you do when you're in love.

D is the only man who's ever really gotten under my skin. It's love, definitely - it's just a pity the relationship ended (a story for another time). Or perhaps it's better to say that it's changed into something deeper and more lasting. I still get the fluffy pink clouds when I'm with him.

So there you go. I'm an unprincipled, unfilial opportunist. But the fact is, I didn't mean it to be like that... and the fluffy pink clouds kept me afloat after a dreadful year of watching Dad fall to bits. If there's any redeeming feature in this saga, it's that it proves that love, and that fabulous tingly feeling that goes with it, can get you through anything...

*Thinks - And if I feel this guilty about the course of events, how much worse must it be for Catholics? - Unthinks*

Naturally, I can remember the date that D and I got together. Halloween 1999. I'm not sure if this is significant.

I'm glad I got that off my chest.

I wish I hadn't written it, though. It really is my deepest darkest secret.

Oh dear. What an interesting mental picture you must have of me. Oh dear...

Actually, it doesn't reflect too badly on you at all - people do tend to come together and do important emotionally-related things when bad things happen to them. For example, I came out to my sister the day after one of our cats died, although I'd kinda made the decision to tell her before we had any idea that would happen. And the first time I slept with Darren was within 24 hours of me coming out to my mum, which was not the easiest of things, I have to point out (I may explain about that later - or ask HonestIago to tell you! ).