h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

3.0.0-12. I hate it! It never works! It posts stuff to conversations I went to previously when I try to post to a new one! I use mozilla now, but it crashes every few minutes and refuses to load my pages, and Opera now irritates me for some intangible reason. I can't get over the feeling that it's hogging the system with that single banner ad. I'm now trying to work out how to install themes...

(Don't worry Fwt, they're just browsers like Internet Explorer and Netscape. We don't get IE on Linux (makes the sign of the cross in the direction of Microborg) and Netscape isn't as good as the other ones. So we have lots to choose from! )

I discovered recently that our house is infested with wasps. I'm not too confident about my flatmate's claims that they will die out in the cold. On four consecutive days, a wasp was found buzzing at the window, whereupon I would remove said heathen wasp and expose it to the vast wild yonder. It seemed thereafter that they little buggers had called an amnesty, but not so - today, I stepped on one of the critters. The scene was something like this:

Jordan steps on wasp, which he does not notice.
Jordan notices a funny feeling in his foot.
Jordan thinks 'there is a funny feeling in my foot.'
Jordan's foot starts to /burn/ with furious intensity, whereupon he lifts it and swipes his foot urgently, wondering if he had stepped on a naked flame.
Wasp lands on book.
Jordan looks expectantly at book, expecting it to burst into flame now that he has swiped the burning ember onto it.
He decides that it may be a cinder, but on further examination discovers that it is a creepy-crawlie ('A spider?' he thinks, 'no, it seems to be a wasp') and clutches at his foot in indescribable agony.
Jordan is directed to bathroom to wash his foot with soap by an unsympathetic flatmate, who is almost as low on the evolutionary scale as said wasp, which he sincerely hopes will perish in the freezing cold winter air overnight.



- Jordan

I'd see if you can find the nest, and then spray it to hell!

I probably would have used said book to smash said wasp! We keep a couple of guinea pigs, and when it was damp, the slugs and snails used to come and crawl in their cage and eat their food. So, I used to get my little brothers toy spade, and fling them over next doors fence: very satisfying

I thought of it, but I didn't want to ruin my book with it's unworthy carcass.

Eugh! Evil slugs! A question - did any of the neighbours ever notice that slugs were raining inexplicably into their garden?

By the way, I will try looking at 360 some time soon...

- Jordan

It was in the evening, so I don't ...think so

Good good: it's cool

I'm off to practice some piano before I go home. See ya!

I almost used the American spelling of 'practice'! NOOOOOOOOOO...

- Jordan

Morning fellas.

Good morning, Vietnam!

Sorry, I forgot where I was...

Good morning, h2g2!

- Jordan

I left the house this morning in a jaunty mood as england had a good day in the cricket and felt a great deire to shout "GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE!" but it wasn't really appropriate ona cold, wet, November morn iN Sunderland.

Ah well.

WOW! You're as insane as me!

I often feel like singing songs about sunshine on really inappropriate days also... and I have a weird habit of not noticing what I'm saying until I say it - which results in some pretty strange comments passing by uncensored...

- Jordan

I'll have to be careful what i say tomorrow- I'm giving a presentation on whether the media reports politics fairly, and I can never script these things, so i just go up unscripted and bullshit for a while, so as long as I don't start on all the sunshine business I should be alright.

I have precisely the same problem. Another thing is that I hate talking, so I go up and I start saying something, get really nervous and it comes out in a pretty good analogue of diahorrea, finishing with me shaking so much that I can't walk any more and having missed out half the things I wanted to say.

Do you usually get nervous giving talks, or are you one of those infinately enviable people who loves giving talks/can overcome stagefright?

- Jordan

I'm the smartarse who always takes the main arguing role in seminars. I'm not a big fan of presentations, as there's no-one to argue with, but I get by.

Barstool! I can never get the hang of arguing, and I often don't relpy if I think that other people have the wrong end of the stick - I'm too scared that I might insult someone... Though you'd be forgiven for thinking otherwise from the '...Fact or Fiction' thread!

Lectures call! I must hearken unto the song of the sirens on my time-table...

- Jordan

Ah, testicles to the timetable.

It doth appreciate your sacrifice, and respondeth with it's grace. Over Christmas, that is...

- Jordan

You know I get the feeling that some old englidh people may have had lisps- I mean look at it- doth, hath.

The only reason we have those words is because of an anglo-saxon Chris Eubank who punched everyone else until they agreed.

That's my theory.

Great theory! I'll remember that... Yesterday, one of my flatmates put my sock in the freezer because I left it there overnight. I removed it, and stuck it to the fridge on the magnets, along with a note in old English, to the effect that 'thou dost tosseth unto the high heavens...'. Actually, I addressed it to the wrong one, so he wrote back ('By the bowels of Christ I impore thee, thou hast insulted my honour!...') and the one who actually committed the crime simply replaced it in the freezer. When I finally retrieved it, it was so hard that when I hit him with it, it drew blood! Though at least I can tell him to be careful every morning to be 'careful with those socks - remember, they're sharp!'

Yeah, and because of throwbacks such as the King James Bible...

Do you go to Uni, or Sixth Form or whatever?

- Jordan

Oh I hate getting up and speaking, I have to have some guts at the time and I usualy know exactly what to say, it's just the more nervouse I get the more words I stuter and then it's every other word and you can't realy say what you wanted any more.

You must live with some pritty understanding flatmates. some people I know would just hit you as soon as look at you.

never ware more than two socks per foot, tho will get wet.

-- DoctorMO --

I'm in the second year at sunderland university doing BA joint Honours in American Studies and Politics.

...and for some obscure rreason I'm in the library at 8.00 in the morning...