h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...are such a lovely thing, and I'm ashamed that mine is still a tribute to Christmas 2003. I mean, what was wrong with the last festive season?

Lived a lot since:

Rediscovered Cheddars.

...er.

Went to a writing class last night and was plotting my escape from the minute I was forced to free-write about 'races.' One lady explained that her grandad ran in the 1936 Olympics... in contrast, I was forced to recount the permanent mental scarring experienced when my hair bobble anchored me to the net on the 1982 North Walney Primary School obstacle course (natural home of the irreversibly obese and inept).

I was baring my soul yet all seemed rather trivial in comparison. Initially I was convinced that the two-hour ordeal would have a toilet break and that was when I was going to make good my escape...but the interlude never materialised.

I began to entertain ideas of setting my phone alarm off and theatrically dropping everything in order to attend to one of my patients. I then remembered that only BBC employee/doctor I've encountered was a faintly terrifying physiotherapist. Dashing off to attend to a chronic case of RSI...unconvincing. So I was forced to tackle my fears head on and write and...read it in front of a group. URGH.

Currently I'm thinking I'll be brave and go back next week, but I would like to have a stack of excuses at hand in case I feel the need to make myself scarce again.

Arrange for someone to call you half way through. If you're enjoying it, you can ignore them, "Oh! It's *my* phone! I'll just turn it off..." or if not, you can pretend its an emergency...

Traveller in Time running circles
"Just tell them you got to the train for the Caucasus Race, before they get extinct. "

Fantastic!

Are you volunteering? You'll have to be dramatic, as I'll be putting you on speakerphone for effect...

How's this sound:

Natalie! I'm so glad I caught you! Oh I don't know what to do, Paully has drilled his finger and there's blood everywhere and I've called an ambulance but there's noone to look after Jims and Carol's having a panic attack and...

Perfect!

They're not to know that that's just a normal day in the Towers, are they?

OK - it's next Monday, 6-8pm. I reckon 6.08pm would be best.

> They're not to know that that's just a normal day in the Towers, are they?
Exactly!

I'll put that in my diary

Great - now...if there are any takers for my homework (500 words on siblings teaching each other stuff - I'm an only child, it's clearly an unfair exercise meant to destroy me) then I will be ecstatic.

write about invisable sibling!

my idea come from John Irving's "the Imaginary Girlfriend: A Memoir"
http://play.com/play247.asp?page=title&r=BOOK&title=313729

Sorry to hear about the mental scaring but I'm sure that wouldn't have happened if you had gone to a proper school like South Walney Primary School. Home to great white shark wrestlers, me and Lisa O'Brians.

Could you not write yourself a note saying 'Sorry Natalie cannot come to the lesson today as it looks like it might rain' I'm told this used to be a very convincing excuse in the late 80's.

I think imaginary sibling sounds like it might work; thanks Pheloxi! I just have to think about what I'd teach them. I think the most heartbreaking concept for only children is Swingball tennis; not sure how I'll get round that mind.

Diggleshotpot I have no idea what you're talking about!!

You could write about how older siblings always tell the younger one:

There is no Santa.
There is no tooth fairy.
There is a bogeyman.
Lightning turns you into a skeleton and can strike you through an open window.

Aw even without siblings I managed to wreck my friend Nicola's Christmases with the stuff...I said 'You're making a fool of yourself!' How dreadful! Luckily she stuck to her guns as she'd actually seen him.

Actually that's a really good one and it's got me thinking - thanks Mort!

Natalie, do you think your imgnation is "distroyed" by your schhool?

I reckon...it was more of a Portakabin than a school really.

All siblings teach each other is how to swear and steal. Until they grow up, then they teach each other's kids how to steal and swear.

Portakabin sounds more building site!

from building girl to bbc atleast accomplished something

I think Mina's right, that's why only children are angelic - like her own boy. And Jimster and Paully.

It wasn't very glamorous, Pheloxi

life is not always glamerous, but never see the glass half empty or half full. it is far more impoertant that there is something in it!