h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, not quite the normal Sunday. I had to take a trip to the airport to collect my brother and his wife who were coming home from their holidays.

Everything was normal on the way - about 2 million orange cones along the road - closing lanes and creating a contra-flow - and no-one at all working on the road.

Still, we got to the airport just when they had arrived at the front door - but we couldn't get near them. We were in a looooooooong queue of traffic, we could see them alright but the traffic was barely moving.

Eventually we spoke with a gentleman in a yellow vest who informed us ..... 'Security - no pick-ups at the door, drop-offs only'.

'That's daft' says I 'Where do we go then'?

'To the pick-up car park' says he.

'What's the point'? says I, 'We can see them ... look, they're standing there waiting for us'.

'Sorry' says he 'We are on high alert expecting a terrorist attack - after Glasgow'.

'Look' says I 'we've had 30 years of terrorism and I've never seen anything like this '

'Different sort of terrorism' says he 'suicide bombers, you know'.

Meanwhile, the kid had phoned our passengers and they walked the 50ft to our car - where they loaded their lugguage and we were able to extricate ourselves from the queue and drive past where they had just been standing - and make for home.

I'd like to suggest that any terrorist picking an airport to display in would be wiser to pick one OTHER THAN Belfast airport - if the said terrorist were to manage to perform the 12 point turn required to find themselves facing the door of the terminal and drive through the metal barrier in through the doors - they would be confronted by a vast empty hallway ...... not really the smartest way to waste a life.

Meanwhile the airport authority are coining it in - forcing people to pay £1 for car-parking while picking-up friends and family - call me an old cynic, but it all smacks of somebody making a mint out of someone else's misfortune.

Just why am I not surprised that this happened to you?

I was ripping it Bel ... you should have seen me.

.... and to add insult to injury the bloke telling me I couldn't pick them up because of terrorism was English ... probably never seen a terrorist in his life.

Hmmm, I'm not English and I haven't seen a terrorist in all my life, either. At least I think I haven't. After all, they don't wear signs reading: I'm a terrorist'.

No they don't, but terrorists aren't stupid - there are viable targets and there is Belfast Airport.

There used to be a permanent security check-point on the road into the airport - now that would make more sense - it worked for 30 years - demanding people pay for car-parking is just a rip-off, and they haven't even the sense to know that people here know that it's a rip-off.

We did have the peace dividend - at the airport we have the terrorism charge.

sounds like the old "more than me jobs worth" ploy again

If you'd seen the tailback - there had to be people rushing for flights in that tailback, but all those £1s add up so they couldn't risk loosing them.

and if no tickets were given out, wonder where some coins could have gone

The biggest laugh was that the *actual* reason for the queue was that the barrier set up wasn't working so cars were left sitting outside waiting to get in.

and the only fitter/electrician/engineer/welder was on his day off

Probably couldn't get there due to the traffic jam.

fancy going back next week to check