h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

HULLO!!! said the Ogre.

Of course it was loud, ogres always speak in a very loud voice. It's to be expected I guess, seeing as how they tower over everyone else. Well that and the fact that whispering is just not "ogerish" enough. Trust me, if you were an ogre you would not want to get a reputation for being a whispering pansy.

Yet on the whole it was very friendly for an ogre greeting. Usually you just hear the "whoosh" of the club and if you hear anything after that it's only because the ogre missed. Ogre's are not known for their keen eyesight. But smell, now that's another thing altogether. Ogres can smell a dead rodent from 2 miles away. (and this of course comes in handy, as they can't really see the rodents unless they get up close, and dead rodent is - as you all know, one of their favorite snacks).

Yes, all in all it was an extremely friendly greeting for an Ogre.

Can`t wait for the next installment!

I met an ogre once. She was an immigration officer at Kennedy,NY...

Yes, well, female ogres are exceptionally tricky. They disguise their clubs as "purses" and try to make you think they're just shopping. Then it's "bam" and you're being dragged down the street by your hair (or carried slumped over her shoulder) to the ogress's cave. And you can only imagine what goes on once she gets you there...