h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My Lords and Members of the House of Commons

My Government will take forward policies attuned to the real opinions of the real people of the United Kingdom.

My Government's program will address the fact that a lot of people round here are a complete waste of space.

You get the idea? Feel free to propose a few suitably immoderate Bills. This sort of thing perhaps:

My Government wants all children to have the best possible start in life. My Government further recognises a problem with the expectations of the public sector in terms of pensions, and proposes to correct this by a downward adjustment of the period of entitlement. A Bill will be introduced declaring the National Union of Teachers to be a regiment of the British Army and redeploying them all to Helmand province

My government understands that sustainability and environmental care are fundamental to the ongoing greatness of this nation. My government further recognises that it no longer has any interest in maintaining sovereign and constitutional interst in colonies home and away. A Bill will be introduced deporting Messrs Clarkson, Hammond and May to become Heads of State of (respectively) the New Republics of Australia, New Zealand and Tasmania.

I would respond to this thread, but I've just received a phone call asking me to pack for an imminent trip to Afghanistan.

B

My government is aware of the Daily Mail's stance on immigration. My government is equally aware of a general concern over fuel costs. A bill will be introduced incorporating Iraq into the British Isles. All those wishing to do so may expatriate to unpopulated areas of Kiev where all dwellings have in-built long-term storage heating, and car travel is, em, not deemed necessary.

That's the secret Kiev, in Iraq, by the way, erm

I did wonder, while sitting here in Gereskh

B

How is it? Any good for sandcastles?