h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

oh, but I still can't get past the biting. . .

Be not distressed my friend as this has nemisis of many a great man.

True, but I am now up to three hula hoops.

In a moment of distration I dropped my hoop. calling upon my favorite of the 9 muse's Thalia {the muse of comedy} I start my hula.

As I maintain the orbit of my hoop while enjoying a tootsie pop, a question comes to mind. What do you think are the Freudian implications of a grown man engaged in such activites?

perhaps it all started when your parents were run over by cloud towed by carebears.

no it was not that.it could however have something to do with the time I walked in on uncle Joe dressed in diapers and sucking a bottle of milk and gin.

your imagery, though comical, is a little on the disturbiung side. . .

quite disturbing however you can hear more of uncle joe's exploits in Bob Segars song Fire Island" On another sad note my parents toshiba telivisions remote who they foundly named Toby was involved in a accident last night. at 9:59 pm edt Toby slipped from my mother grip and fell over 3 feet landind on the base of a large floor lamp. Internal injurys occured with fatal results I am sad to pass on. A formal burial will take place tommorow a the local landfill {as per Tobys requeste he will be creamated.} donations my be made to a memorial set in his name intitled "he may not of change the world but he did change the tv"

Yes I know. I had to call Toby home. . he is needed elsewhere. . .

This I understand well although it is a little early for my parents to see this. However their sadness is tempered by arrival of Ron their new universal remote.

Ah yes, Ron is one of my more gifted remotes. . .he can change channels at great distances and is easy to use, thus hoping to quell your parents saddness.

I have come to the conclusion that my cel phone is intenionaly giveing me a hard time. It seems to be acting at certian times like it is not recieving a signal making me shout out "can you hear me?" every time this happens i swear i hear a giggle come from the phones general direction. I just know the b*****d is playing me. any suggestions?

My powers are extended to all remote devices. . .I am sorry to say that cell phones are the moody new generation. . .I would suggest a gun shot straight through the reciever. . .send him home and let his punishment be like that of the eight track recorder that redorded milli vanili

I took you up on your suggestion for my cell phone but rather than shooting I gave Nokia diving lesson's. Off the Old Saybrook Bridge about 500 feet perfect form' very little splash. shoud be arriveing soon.

Ah yes, he has arrived, a little wetter than he would care to. . .he had some not nice things to say about the cackle you gave as he flew through the air. . .but he has been placed in a place worthy of his personality, he is now a garage door opener, you know the extra one you get that ends up at the bottom of oyur junk drawer nnever to be seen except on the occasion where you want to startle your significant other in the garage. . .he didn't like that either, so I extended his contract a little. .

I tryed warning him that I knew People in high places that could make his exsistance miserable but all I got was static from him. I have been thinking of getting a wireless keyboard can you sugest anyone for the position?

We have many a good remote soul awaiting purchase in the wireless keyboard. . .I saw the need for them a long time ago and sent some of my very best. . .I think you will find their existence to be fruiitful.. . .though they do find coffee an irrataion so please refrain from drinking coffee around them. . beer though is not a problem. . .

I am pleased to find that the candidates are capable of downing a few cold ones without becoming incompasitated. How are they with hard liquer?