h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

your gracious verbalization on this most vile of rumers speaks volumes of your professionalism both on and off the court. However I must not let this cloud my judgement when setting my sights on your title. Let this serve as a warning of my intentions to take that title from you. Today I started training with an intense weight lifting program. To further instill fear of my incredable prowness on the court i wiil allow this small glimpes of my schedule:

10 am rise & shine
11 am bathroom break
12pm lunch
1pm - 1:12 walk
1:12 - 5pm wath varied sports channels
6pm - 7pm dinner
7pm - 10 am bed rest

ma ha ha feel the fear ma ha ha

Ah your workout seems to be one in which few of us could stand up to. . .or just stand. . .. . .Just be sure that when your day of racquetball reconing comes, you are using a racket and not the remote control.

BUt a question...how is you can wait until 11AM to have a potty break...I'd be bursting. . .or already had bursted which is an embarassment that I sure I need not share. . .nor will I.

The exstensive trianing in bladder maniputation is how i plan to wrest your championship belt from you. For my challenge will be if you dare to meet it played by and according to a little known rule of play intruduced in 1944 when a lack of urinals {do to war time rationing} caused the "no urinating for 18 hours prior to and during a championship play" For an added measure to insure my victory my musical selection to be piped into the courts pa system during play will be selection's from George Fredric Haendal's "Water Music"

I don't think I want to play you then. . . . . .I was not aware of such rules. . .but I never miss a challenge. . .but I can't promise a little yellow stain in the corner

Since our backrounds in racqueball are so dissimiler may i suggest a compramise. A hula hoop marathon while reciting excerpts from a collection of Samuel Beckett Novel's.

Is sub ether combat a skill that a layman such as myself ever hope to master?

Sub etha combat is something that will need you to be taken on as a padewon learner. . .a life time of commitment is necessary. . .though I can offer the cliff notes. . .here it is. . .don't fight anyone better than you.

THe hula hoop thing is a deal. . .though I choose to recite mine backwards.

It took many a broken noze and bruized body in my youth to learn that main rule of sub ether combat. I am happy to say it is now firmly etched in my psyche.{and my nose}

Let the hula hoops begin:

At 2:15 pm EDT the first spin of the hola began. In honor of the July heat I started to recite from memory a writing by an man who was born 1 mile from my home {be it 123 years ago} Eugene O'neil's " The Ice Man Cometh " but quickly remembered I had not read it. So I faked it.

Me, I had not remembered any from the afore mentioned author, so I started reciting Faulkners's Absalom Absalom. . .backwards of course.

Though winning the 1950 nobel prize for literiture, Faulkner would not be able to stand up to O'neil in a down and dirty hula hoop contest. {useless trivia : both men were 65 at time of death}

*wonders why she hasn't been over here for a while... *

we missed you feel free to join our disscusion on quantum physics and it's every day application or some equally interesting subject.

Granted Faulnker may not be able to hold a candle to your author, but his lack of punctuation makes for an intersting "stream of conciousness" (as he called it) when reciting his words whilst trying to coordinate my hips, or lack there of been running alot lately, to keep that round peace of plastinc up. . .perhaps you will win this match. . .

Did someone say quantum physics?? !

Yes and how it relates to hula hoops. Quite an interesting subject really.

Neeeeeeat!

What is neat about it is that we can recite dante whilst mving about. . ..

I have a question {remember there is no such thing as a dumb question-although I might be able to disprove that} While a hula spins around a body there is a point of contact btween the moving hula and body which creates a minascule but measurable amount of heat: Question as follows- how many hula hoopas would it take to maintain Dantes Inferno? And for the records- How many bites do's it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop? {no biteing]

I think the problem with the question lies here in. Yes because of friction there is heat generated albeiate a small amout. That heat is disipated quickly and a hulu hoop does take up space. Would you infact use an a large number of hulu hoops then you would have heat spread out very thinly over a large area. If you could consentrate all that heat then of course it would get very hot but becuase we would have no way of doing that because of the large area that that many hulu hoops would take up. See what I am trying to say. Plus most hulu hoops are made of plastic so if to much heat was generated then they would melt making it imposible for you to hula anyway. As far as the tootsie roll pop goes it would be diffrent for everybody. Depending on the size of the person's toung how long it took there bodys to brake down the suger that would be coating their toung and all. Due to the many variables it makes it a very dificult problem with an equation like this

L=P/((T*U%)/S)*R)
where L is the number of licks
P is the total amount of Lolly before the center of tootsie pop
T is Toung sise
U is persentage of actual used space of toung
S is amout of saliva what breaks down the suger coating
R is roughfness factor of said toung using the whizenhimer gage

As far as the toosie roll pop, the biting is always an overwhelming temptation. . .but as far as the hula hoop thing, I can only see 2 being a feesible number as I sit here with my copy of the inferno spinning the hula hoops about it.


BUt I fear now that that is not what you meant. . . hmmmmmmm

The tootsie pop question i am sorry to say is fixed. The answer is qiuckly evident to persons over 35 revoloutions of the planet we refer to as earth around it's sun. The answer was exsposed in animated commercial{late sixties} involving a owl who ask's the question "how many licks do's it take to get tp the center of a tootsie pop" then dramatically begins the count down while licking 1 one 2 two 3 three and with a resound crunch bites into it then responds. "Three it takes three licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop."