h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm not sure who we are protecting when members of my government tell me everything in Afghanistan is going swimmingly, trot off to Afghanistan to tell the troops a rousing story of how gloriously bright the light at the end of the tunnel will shine, when they've been briefed by a no-longer private dispatch about how amazingly corrupt Karzai's government is and how we'll never extricate ourselves from this morass (condensed from a recently wikileaked cable).

We aren't protecting a lot of good kids in uniform, that's for sure. We aren't protecting American interests or taxpayers. That leaves the top 1-2% of rich fat cats, those who profit most when the rest of us are losing ground fast.

If that's who my government is dedicated to serving, yes, damn it, I want to know, and I want everyone else to know.

Amen to that, guys.

I think the Christian Science Monitor offers the most entertaining take on the revelations:

http://www.csmonitor.com/World/2010/1203/WikiLeaks-Five-more-of-the-strangest-stories-to-emerge/Holy-tired-metaphor

To those still wishing to claim that these revelations represent a setback in the War on Terror, I say:

- Those who perpetrate tired metaphors should be prepared to defend themselves in court.

- If State Department officials type in all capitals, the public has a Right to Know.

- All of this gossip might possibly rouse a new interest in geography among US citizens. (One can always hope.)

& we all know kids like me need all the geography help they can get. I got confused about where somalia was the other day...

It appears there's still at least one company offering to transfer money to Wikileaks - and the owner of said company (Flattr) was one of the founders of Pirate Bay. Surprise - not.

Well, good. They can't plug all the holes, then.

I guess I'll have to quote that hymn again...

'...yet the truth alone is strong,
Though its portion be the scaffold,
And upon the throne be wrong...'

Thorn - you said it, bwana...have you ever tried playing 'Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?' I loved that game (and the tv show).

I believe I may have had the video game of it at one point in time...

The weird jocular descriptions or references are sort of understandable. Attaches and embassy clerks may have concluded after a few years on the job that no one was paying attention.

Years ago many of us came to the conclusion that our junior high and high school teachers were grading by weight not content. They'd be able to figure out if we hadn't turned in an assignment at all. But if a teacher said, "Answer all 33 questions at the end of Chapter 12," there was a very good chance he wasn't planning on reading all 33 answers from all 32 students.

So this was where the fun came in. The first page had to be answered pretty well, since it was on top. But after that, interspersed with some actual answers, came some real beauties, comic masterpieces, at least in my mind. I went through my truly sarcastic adolescent phase, which went completely unnoticed because no one was reading what I was turning in.

So here are these embassy employees, turning in reports that no one pays attention to, warning about crises no one responds to, and eventually they get a little jaded, never thinking their homework will end up on the SubEthaNet.

And here are these analysts who read them, sort of, and summarize them for our political types. And these political types who ignore the analysis or don't even bother reading it, and do whatever the powerful multi-national corporations tell them to do.

And then some analyst gets mightily fed up and carts a great pile of these off to W*k*leaks, tired metaphors and all.

Your account of homework in limbo is touching, HN. (And hilarious.) As someone who was too conscientious ever to omit reading what my students wrote ('The Roman Empire went downhill after Charlemagne', 'The Romans enjoyed television in the evening', 'Cleopatria (spelled that way for 4 pages) was an important queen of Egypt'...), I was always grateful for a glimmer of humour or originality.

I don't blame the junior diplomats. Writing these little sarcasms is an old tradition - much older than the US itself. They got it from (ahem) the Brits. Writing despatches of this type, with ironic little comments, used to be the diplomats' way to belated fame. They were practising for their memoirs. They kept copies of their letters - there was a special book for that in the old days.

Of course, now everything is proprietary and a big honkin' secret, as my sister used to say...

I don't blame them for publishing early. At least we get a laugh out of it.

And find out what they're up to...

It has all made ripping good theatre, whatever the outcome.

I heard a blip on CNN during one of those not really paying attention moments that Sarah Palin is afraid for her safety and the safety of her family from Wikileaks supporters. My first thought is that they're trying to take the emphasis off of the leaked memos and turn them all into thugs rather than whistleblowsers as a distraction. Why doesn't this surprise me?

Sarah Palin can't stand it when she's not on the front page, that is all. I can't remember when someone so unaccomplished has gotten so much ink (or electrons).

>>> As someone who was too conscientious ever to omit reading what my students wrote ('The Roman Empire went downhill after Charlemagne', 'The Romans enjoyed television in the evening', 'Cleopatria (spelled that way for 4 pages) was an important queen of Egypt'...), I was always grateful for a glimmer of humour or originality.

It was extremely easy to figure out if it was safe to play my little game. Conscientious teachers don't assign busy-work; they assign meaningful homework. And they often make sensible little comments on papers - hand-written in those days, but probably electronic today.

In the interest of public information: I have been spending most of this week on a family business to a smallish ex-urban town in the west of North Carolina. In my attempts to get some Christmas shopping done in between family stuff, I ventured into Walmart.

Which had a book section in a corner of the huge media segment. Next to the teevees was a whole aisle - one side. The other was magazines.

Content of book aisle - I am NOT making this up:

1/4 Bibles, various sizes.
1/4 Amish romance novels. These are fascinating - a good Christian girl is in love with Farmer Stoltzfus. I must take up this form of writing. Somebody is doing some heavy marketing in God's Country.
1/4 gory vampire novels. These sat next to the Amish romance novels. I suspect that after hours, they fight.
1/4 'bestsellers', evenly divided between Stephen King's latest and books by or about Sarah Palin. (I hope King haunts her in the dark. She'll have to call Homeland Security.)

Now, children, what do we conclude about the reading habits of the literate half of this county?

'on a family business'? The elders are getting to me. (You have no idea...)

Sorry, I meant 'on a family visit'.

Possible conclusion: If you select a Bible of the correct size and remove the pages, you can put a gory vampire or an Amish romance novel, and appear piously studious. Or possibly studiously pious.

Thus concealing your inappropriate taste in reading matter...

Perhaps it is an early indicator that the window to publish a biblical vampire romance thriller about politicians is about to be upon us?

Oh, Thorn, you genius, you...

Now I HAVE to try this. Hm, title...

'Left Behind in the Cabinet - An Elvira LaDouce romance novel'

Blurb:

'As a paid-up member of the Undead, Elvira knew she was supposed to be on the side of Big-E Evil. But when she caught sight of Geoff Barnsworthy, handsome, successful member of the Religious Right and candidate for governor of North Dakota, Elvira's determination to keep sinning waned as her B-positive-flavoured chewing gum started to melt. Was there hope for a blood-sucking, leather-clad vampire and a cross-wielding, Bible-thumping demagogue? The future looked bleak. Then the Rapture came and went, and neither of them was invited. It looked like Heaven was off the itinerary for both Nosferatu and Republicans. But in the coming apocalypse, Elvira thought she saw a way to join forces with her honey...to win the Battle of the Millennium...and, perhaps, Geoff's heart... '

I'm too good at this.

~~~ An early encounter ~~~

"How dare you, you blood-sucking fiend?" snarled Barnsworthy.

Elvira placed a bejeweled hand to her too-pale breast. "Moi? But I wasn't the one who campaign against health care for 9/11 responders," she purred.

"You've been ... following my career?"

"Like a wolf," she reassured him.

~~~ An intimate moment ~~~

She grasped his muscular shoulders firmly in her strong hands. Her black leather bustier creaked slightly as she pressed him against the pile of velvet cushions.

He stretched forward to kiss her, then suddenly pulled away. Reaching behind his neck, he struggled to work the clasp to his crucifix.

"Leave it," she murmured. "I like a challenge."

"How kinky," he whispered, as he nuzzled her ear.

It's so bad that it might actually be good. I think maybe you call that terribad...

http://fatpita.net/?i=8178