h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...down with this type of thing.

The good burghers of my sleepy shire town have got themselves all excited because a company called Bright Light Leisure Ltd want to open a shop just down the road from me. Now, when I saw the notice and saw the word Licence in the smal print I had assumed this was to be yet another yuppie bar in the town, but no, raher excitingly it's actually an application to open an Adult Superstore, or as the local rag puts it, my hometown is caught in a frenzy of 'Sex Shop Outrage.'

The local residents have themselves up in arms, deciding that the streets will be filled with dirty-mac wearing perverts and peadophiles instantly in a part of the town where several schools wander up and down the road in marauding gangs of out of control hormones. One, incredibly enough is the local convent school, whose pupils will apparently be particularly affected. (I once had the dubious privilege of going out with a member of said establishment. I doubt and Adult Superstore could have taught her much...)

But I really must share with you the the thoughts from the local rags editorial which has this to say;

'...these emporia peddle videos, magazines and equipment not usually found in the most discerning households." I can only assume this is because more discerning households use a more upmarket supplier...

The nasty minded tone of the whole thing is summed up by the report on the companies Cambridge outlet, which two fearles reporters felt it necessary to investigate simply to prove their moral outrage;

'The videos were also divided into sections wih specialist areas for gays and lesbians...there is a display of kinky underwear and outfits including naughty schoolgirls and French maids. Again, homosexuals have an ares to themselves.' Damn right, we don't want the homosexuals mixing with the rest of the smut...

I was somewhat dissapointed to learn, however;

'The only browser was not your stereotypical dirty mac type. He was young and smart...It was modern and contemporary looking. There was music on and I didn't feel uncomfortable' I find it disheartening that the traditional porn shop, with its underlit interior and shuffling men coughing embarrasedly at each other over their copies of Big Bobs Monthly is being replaced by the sort of shopping experience that might be pleasant and friendly. But I suppose progress comes to us all eventually...

I look forward to this excellent enterprise opening just so I can cross the inevitable street protests in order to buy something in order to annoy the blue rinse brigade who, will, obviously assume I am a rapist, or worse yet a lesbian. I shall, of course, be careful to wear a suit and be careful not look too gay, in case they stone me to death.

Even in the shires, the 21st century will not be denied, it seems.

Hey Ho. Guess Id have the same opposition in Surrey. Rats another good idea down the tube. Our local hack thought it was a great idea but I have a nasty suspicion he was coming from the 'how much copy can I get out of this one?' camp.
And I thought Pandora's Box was such a charming name too.
Such is life.
Take care
boots

all you newed do is go in buy a few sets of and you can aid the protesters in their endeavours by ing them to the premises.

There's already three sex-shops and god knows how many smutty vidoes shops here. Welcome to the 20th century- shame the rest of of are in the 21st.

Ah, the shire gets a sex shop before it gets a Starbucks. Damn shame!

Of course, the streets are already crawling with perves (me and BS only two of the half-dozen or so that used to gather together on social occasions), but now they will have somewhere to go. The report sounds like an excuse for some hack to visit a sex shop and have a bloody good excuse to tell his/her wife/husband/pet monkey.

I must admit as a mother I would have preferred that they hadn't picked a shop that has hoardes of kids walking past it on the way between the station and their school every day, but that's probably not for the same reason that all the shiretonians don't like it being there.

By the way, am especially looking forward to issues of 'Big Bobs Monthly'. Am very keen on the odd bob ot two.

Ah, now a Starbucks is something neither here or the town of residence has. Oh dear. How sad. Never mind.

You just don't want all the other mams seeing you going in

You have sex shops? Good Lord, how common. All ours are boutiques these days.

Well they've all got Greek names to confuse the innocents, but basically they're sex shops.

At least one of the stores in town has a little cafe attached, so one can relax after perusing the wares. Of course, we do deal with a slightly more sophisticated market than most down here

Please, this is to be part of a chain of 'Adult Superstores'...

'Boutiques' sounds very namby-pamby to me, though i do like the idea of having a coffee shop attached. A bit like going to Skin Two or Erotica. Though Erotica has the added advatage of having a bar (don't get two excited Kerr. It charges way over the London odds for a flat pint...)

Two excited Kerrs? What a terrible thought.

Adult Superstores? Well that brings a whole new meaning to the 'slapping of the arse' at the end of all of the Asda commercials

Aren't adult superstores what baby corner shops want to be when they grow up?

Adult superstores? Funny how the word 'adult' suddenly means it HAS to be about sex, but anyhoodle.

I am picturing people with shopping trolleys and musack - what sort of piped in music do they play at Adult superstores anyhow?

az

Forgot to add how much I loathe and detest Starbucks. ANY shop would be better than another one of those!



az

Given the location's former business, I wonder if they've considered combining the two trades- phone order deliveries- straight to you door when you need them

Straight to your door? Like the Avon lady? Could be a serious gap in the market just waiting to be filled.

az

Exactly- and a 24 hour service too- for those occasions when you suddenly find you really want something, and poping down the shop would break the mood

I seriously thing you have got something there Kerr. 24-hour home delivery sex ecoutrement (am quite sure I'm not spelling that properly but never mind)

And one could charge a fortune!



az