h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I woke my wife up last night, trying to shut a shadow on our bedroom wall! A very door-shaped shadow admittedly, and I was dreaming about vampire bounty hunters....may be a Ha'penny Dreadful in it though?


The couple slept.

Peaceful and warm. His arm unconsciously protecting her in the dark. The soft murmuring of their daughter dreaming in the next room, faint to his ears but still making him smile slightly as he slept.

Something stirred in the darkness, a patch of shadow deepened against the wall beside their bed. Growing and defining itself , black against black, but in some way darker than the shadows, forming impossibly straight lines. An inky rectangle, a doorway into the dark.

The impossible door swung open, darkness entered the room, creeping across the carpet towards the sleeping pair.

As the dawn chased the shadows, the woman turned, hands seeking the warmth of her husband. Touching the sticky, wet bed sheets, she pulled away, confused groans of complaint forcing her to consciousness.

Soft light through the curtains, illuminating the glistening blood, monochrome in the dawn, the coppery smell of death filled her senses as she screamed.

I hope this has a happy ending, and not just for the vampires.

And I thought I was bad. I have secondary narcolepsy and horrible food allergies.

I woke up at about 2 am, and could see a little bird pecking around. It was nesting in the folds of my covers.

I hallucinate birdies, what's your deal?

You have birds, I have bats. Think I may need the cattle prod.

Oh, dear! I am so competitive, but I can't even come close to any of that.

The other night, I dreamed about an evil Cardinal (the relate, not the bird) who had a watchful eye on everything that happened in a big, gothic building where the dream took place.

Maybe FWR will be happy to know that there were a lot of people on motorcycles, as well as plenty of good food and drink.

I should write these dreams down as soon as I get up. I remember so little of them.

Bet they didn't fall off either?

The people in my dreams tend to be more adept than the ones in real life.

it's no trouble to run marathons up and down Mount Washington, without being out of breath. Flying is sometimes possible, too.

"The impossible door" - love it!

'glistening blood' reminds me of something weird that happened to my dad some years ago - mum got up one morning and went into the kitchen, where she found a pool of blood on the floor and a bloodstained dishcloth that had been used in a vague attempt to mop up the blood. In the living room there were streaks of blood across the sofa. When she went back to the bedroom and turned the light on, dad was lying in bed and his pillow was red. Mum feared the worst, but he was still breathing so she called for help.

When dad eventually recovered consciousness, he said he had felt dizzy in the kitchen so lay down on the floor. The doctor discovered dad had a wound on his head like he had been hit by the corner of a cube, but we never really managed to work out what had caused that - the only explanation we could think of was that dad fell against the corner of a cupboard or something, but we couldn't guess which corner...

Another explanation would be that an impossible door opened, and a creature with a cube-shaped hammer entered the kitchen and hit unsuspecting dad on the head. More blood than it could consume in an evening was released. The creature feasted greedily until it was time for it to retreat back into the darkness and for the impossible door to close again...

What a hair-raising (and blood-curdling) tale!

Impossible doors may not actually require a cattle prod after all, thanks Sasha great yarn.

Riders on the storm may want to come through these doors.