Posted 3 Weeks Ago
Another simpost, what if everyone in the world has evolved to release the full potential of their brains... Apart from one small-time criminal?
*Nobody moves, nobody dies!* He emphasised the threat by pointing menacingly at each of the bank tellers in turn.
To his surprise, they just laughed at him.
*You going to milkshake us to death?*
*Choke us on banofee pie?*
*Fritter us to within an inch of our lives?*
He frowned beneath the tight nylon mesh of his make do mask. Looked down at his gun. His gun?
He muttered his apologies, staring stupidly at the yellow fruit he was holding and walked out of the bank, laughter reddening his face.
He hated it when they did this sort of thing. Cursed the Gifted. Cursed his own stupidly unevolved brain!
Screwd! What the Dickens?
Posted 5 Weeks Ago
Oh dear, I'm actually dreaming of him in movies now!
Steve Swann was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. The book of condolences at his burial was signed by the producer , the studio head, the underwriter, and the best boy.
Letterbox signed it. And Henry's name was good upon ‘Change for anything he chose to put his hand to. Old Swann was as dead as a bleedin' doornail.
Sad but true!
Posted 6 Weeks Ago
Took my youngest to one of the oldest record shops in the country yesterday. One where I spent a lot of my cool teenage years, really cool place, full of cool people, listening to cool music, and spending cool jostick-scented hours looking through mountains of cool patchouli oil-smelling vinyl.
If she wants to get into retro records, this would be the place.. Certain albums everyone needs in their vinyl collections, Live and Dangerous, Rumours, Black Sabbath, XII, Quadrophenia etc... Classics! Cool!
OK, the shop's still there, there are still thousands of records, very very old records, a bit tatty now, but stuff I loved forty years ago, place smells of dust and old cardboard nowadays, and the cool kids?
Erm, two old hippies and a weird couple shouting a lot!
Times change, we did leaf through the overpriced tat for a while, probably to please me more than her. It did bring back happy memories, and I'm sure those of a certain age, or those into ancient rock albums still love the place. Sadly nothing purchased.
Spotify has my entire collection nowadays, patchouli, and scratch, free!
Some memories should be left alone! Time has won.
(update... She came home from shopping trip with two brand new LPs from bands I've never heard of.... And... Fleetwood Mac Rumours! Cool chick my daughter!)
Posted Aug 2, 2020
*Your bill Sir, two hundred and sixteen dollars, forty cents…. please?*
He stood, in his immaculate suit, at the immaculate counter, unsure as to whether he was checking in, or checking out; the last few hours had been a bit weird.
*Wha….? *, was the most his fractured mind could summon.
*$216.40, £165.38p, 3.693.70 Rand, 197.62 Swiss Franc or 16,098 RUB…..your bill ….Sir?*
*Sorry. My bill….for….?*
She smiled angelically, or demonically; he couldn’t quite tell.
*Your sins? Those that you’ve wronged. Your life’s sum-total deficit? *
*Two hundred bucks? My life? Sins?*
*Thank you for living on Earth Sir, now that this stage of your Journey has ended, please pay the fee due, and progress to your chosen Afterlife…. that’d be $ 216.04…Sir…*
He fished in the pockets of his immaculate suit. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
*I’m so sorry, I appear to be a little, erm, financially embarrassed. What happens if I can’t pay my, erm, bill?*
*All fees due are required by Law to be immediately paid, those that settle shall be granted onward transportation. Onwards and upwards so to speak. Those that cannot, or will not, atone for their debts…* She looked down, deep, deep, downward.
There are no pockets in shrouds.
You can’t take it with you when you go.
Time had erased the need, the necessity to pay our debts.
Pharaohs, Celts, Irish Kings - all knew the Price to be paid.
Modern mankind? Mehhh…not so much.
His passport was stamped, ‘In Arrears’, and Down he went.
Real life imitating art imitating real life
Posted Jul 28, 2020
I have spent a few minutes (and hours) recently, playing snippets of heavy rock songs on a very loud electric guitar, amp turned up to Vol5!
I play badly, very, very badly. But this is good! Because I'm doing a promo video for a spoof movie soundtrack played by someone who can't play, but is so incredibly bleeding famous it doesn't matter!
My musical daughter asked me today if I wanted her to teach me how to play 'proper chords'... That would totally ruin the video!
Kids just don't bleedin get art.