h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Storyteller: (sitting with large children's book, at desk)

Hello, Children, hello. Here is this morning's story. Are you ready? Then we'll begin... (opens book, reads) 'One day Ricky the magic Pixie went to visit Daisy Bumble in her tumbledown cottage. He found her in the bedroom. Roughly, he grabbed her heavy shoulders, pulling her down on to the bed and ripping off her...' (reads silently, turns over page quickly, smiles) 'Old Nick the Sea Captain was a rough tough jolly sort of fellow. He loved the life of the sea and he loved to hang out down by the pier where the men dressed as ladies...' (reads on silently, a stick enters vision and pokes him, he turns over the page) 'Rumpletweezer ran the Dinky Tinky shop in the foot of the magic oak tree by the wobbly dumdum bush in the shade of the magic glade down in Dingly Dell. Here, he sold contraceptives and... discipline?... naked?... (Reads on a bit, then, incredulously to himself) With a melon!?

That's my favourite Python sketch! How did you know?

great isnt it! quite apt i feel...

Mmmmmm.....

i wonder if we could fill in any of the blanks? I mean, its awful having a story only half told...

Hello, I'm Ricky the Magic Pixie.

Daisy Bumble, pleased to meet you Ricky... I guess we're in the bedroom...

*although i guess she let him in through the door... we could have some fun getting to the bedroom in the first place!*

Hmmmm....
You wanted me to install some kind of magic bed-making device, didn't you?

works for me...

now it says you find me in the bedroom... presumably with all your tools and safety measures you need for device...

Right...
Hello Daisy, I've come to fit that magic device we were talking about earlier.

thank goodness you got here in time... I wasnt able to wait much longer...

Well, first of all we'll have to check that the bed is strong enough to take the device.

uh-huh... how would be the best way of doing that? I mean I'm not a very technical woman... maybe I should let you decide what goes where....

I think the best way would be like this.
*grabs her shoulders, pulling her down on to the bed and ripping off her....*
Oh, I'm sorry, I think I've ripped one of the sheets off the bed.

~appears as if out of nowhere with her arms full of what appears to be ripped up bedsheets and drops them next to the pair sprawled on the bed~

Well honey, what's going on here? Bed making device? You won't need that now I'm here.

~collects the sheets again and uses them to skillfully tie EV to the bed, nudging ddgdb gently out of the way~

Now that's what I call a perfectly made bed.

Blimey.
*struggles a bit*
What's going on? Why have you tied me to the bed, rendering me completely helpless and unable to escape?

Isn't that obvious?
So I can have my wicked way with you of course!

Oh, I thought that was probably it. Just checking.

Now, the question is, where do I start, and is ddgdb going to stay and help?

Can't help you much on that one, you are Muse of Bondage after all.
*looks hopefully at ddgdb*