h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I awoke this last night many times because of discomfort in my bones. I awoke also in anger to my Grandfather. I was kept from sllep for a long time wondering why this was so since he went over so long ago.

I beleive it is because I have followed his way and am no longer certain that it was good for him to teach me so. I am without a time because of him and have no place now that he is gone. He was strong to keep the way he was taught and did not move from it. He was strong too in keeping me to this path when he raised me.

He was an old man when his second wife gave birth to my mother. His father was killed by whites for the faith of the Ghost Dance and the Prophet. His fathers father was a war cheif and also died at the hands of whites when he laid down for his people sake. This is what I am taught.

I am taught that we are a long river. Water cannot be divided from water. It remains water. I am in one place and those before me in another vessel, we are drinking from the same stream, we eat fish from the same stream, we cannot see those who are before us but they are their, we can not see those who are to come but they are there. We share a common thing, we share thye spilling of blood in birth and in death, in peace and in war. We share a river of tears and we share cool waters that ease our thirst.

My father was Meti, my mother was raised in the manner of myself but she grew to hate it. When time came for me to leave my mothers house I went to be with Grandfather. I was 12 and she was unable to care for us all when my father went over. My father wished me to speak French, my Mother English at home. I remember very little of French and Anishinabe is lost to me as I did not see it as a good thing and was in much dispute with my Grandfather about this. I wish I had learned it to speak. My Grandparents did not force me. I think he was in his mind to punish me by this for being stubborn. To deny to me a part of my blood right. It was keeping in his ways though he never said it was so, perhaps he gave up and that is that. We talked much and some days with heat about wich way I would go in life.

I decided that I would take what is good from both places, I was not wise, I would that I had taken one road or the other I am of two hearts now and am not white and am not Ojibwe. I am not even Meti. I am yet all of these things but none of them. My boat is unsteady in the fast water.

I chose for my children to be in the way of the whites and it is good, but they have lost part of who they are. That is an evil thing.

John ~ your posts are of another time and place.

Your grandfather's metaphor of time as a stream is beautifully expressed, I think you are still reaching for the comfort of his presence, the strength of his belief.

You make me think of what I have passed on to my own children.

Johnredbear,

Johnredbear,

Thank you for your wonderful writing. It is of another world to me too, one which I think we have lost.

Thank you for doing the paragraphs, it is so much easier to read.

Websailor

Losing part of who you are is very sad, but it is happening to many people. In our country we fight for our traditions but they are being swept away by people who know no better.

Those of us who are older must do our best to hang on to our heritage. The young ones who are scornful now will come back to us in their middle years, as you have. Writing down history and tradition is very important in these days of fleeting experiences. We should all do it if possible.

I will come back and read more as soon as I can. In the mean time John, don't lose heart.

Websailor

johnredbear, forgive me if I have misunderstood your writing, but it seems to me you express sorrow for paths not taken. I (as well as many others) feel the same and I have thought much about this. The conclusion I have come to is that who and what I was when I took those decisions means I could not have done otherwise.

They may not have been the right decisions for who I am now and with the knowledge I have now I may not have decided as I did then. But I did not have that knowledge then and I was not then who I am now. I respect the choices I made then as being right for who I was then.

In the grand scheme of things (by which I mean looking at my life as a narrative and a whole - I don't believe in any spiritual or divine world) I could have made better decisions. But the decisions I made then make me who I am now - if I had decided otherwise I wouldn't be here now writing and thinking what I do now. We are the sum of our experiences and our choices and not all of which we have control over.

Some people seem (to others anyway) to have a knack for making the 'right' decision everytime, to be successful. Others seem to need to take a very hard path. There are lessons I learned the hard way - but who and what I am I can see now means that is the only way I could learn them. I would like some things to have been easier and different. But as I say if they were then I wouldn't be the me that I am now.

I too enjoy your writings - keep them coming

ICTOAN, I very much see your perspectiveand you have given me much to try and see. I found that the most hard thing of raising my children was to remind them that they had no purpose to walk bad ways since already I had followed them and could say what lay ahead in the journey. They were as deaf and blind and it was great pain to see them follow the path of fools as I had done.

I am pleased that they have taken some tradition but only that they find amusing. So much lost. I pray tht one day they see and one day they have me still to tell them what it is they are looking at.
JR