h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

In general, you hate travelling. Hate feeling uncomfortable and dirty, hate feeling obliged to rush around and look at anything even vaguely interesting. Hate it.

So remember, nay treasure, the fury with which you greeted the news that it was now necessary to leave the country in order to get a new visa. Closest destination: Estonia. The capital Tallinn in fact. Allegedly very beautiful. "Take a few days off. Travel around. See Estonia. Hey, why don't you potter over to Finland while you' re at it!" Ugh.

Imagine your satisfaction, therefore, when your window of opportunity was restricted to one day in Tallinn, overnight train there, overnight train back. In the circumstances, you were perfectly justified, having dropped off the application at the embassy and paid the extortionate fees, in doing nothing but wander the cobbled, rain-washed Old Town amidst germanic houses (steep roofs), taking a quick gander at the proper german catholic churches (spindly spires), grabbing something tasty to eat in a restaurant (never thought it was possible to make kasha actually taste nice), drinking endless cups of tea in cafes, watching the world go by and listening to people speaking a very Scandinavian sounding language. Endless entertainment there. 'Tea' is 'tee' ("teeeeeeeeeeeeeee"). 'Bar' is 'baar'. ("baaaaaaaaaar"). And it was superb to have two languages to fall back on for once. Although given how Estonians feel about Russia, it would have been better really to stick to English.

But it was very satisfying to discover that your Russian is now servicable for communicative purposes, wasn't it? Though, of course, also bad enough to induce amusement in your listeners at your hoplessly garbled endings. Officials, who had taken one look at your passport and winced to a man before tentatively enquiring if you spoke Russian, were soothed, and from then on everything went splendidly, if ungrammatically, along. I swear one of them gave you a clicky little bow in farewell.

On the other hand, maybe they have just been hanging around Estonians for too long, as I think it is fair to say that the inhabitants of Tallinn have comprehansively twigged that the best way to separate tourists from their money is to be nice to them. And sell postcards.

Ah, but admit it; it was rather pleasent to be out from under the opressive, impersonal, monolithic architecture of Moscow for a bit. Quaint is what you were raised on, after all.

Hi,

How are the endings? Do you have the Penguin Teach Yourself Russian (probably out of print now) with those nifty little tables in the back? (can't to Cyrillic but it goes something like: stol, stol, stola, staloo, stalom, stalye - the only one I can dredge up from my dim and very distant A-level)

So, how about I bore you with a "when I was in Russia...." from my first (pre-olympics) trip, when Brezh (great eyebrows) was still hanging on in there... or perhaps my 2nd (and, regrettably last - to date) trip when Chernenko was grooving on down in a Frankie goes to Hollywood video.... but then, those days there was nothing to tell. Except that the fizzy water machines (2 kopeks, 3 with pear syrup) had glasses chained to them - which never got broken - and the Subway was just fantastic. Still got the lifesized poster of Lenin...

Anyway, enjoy it - just think of how often you'll be able to dine out on the "in Moscow..." "in Leningrad - oops St Petersburg.." or "in Kiev..." stories you're building up.

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year, hope you're not too homesick

Sho

Thanks for the Xmas and New Year wishes. As it goes I was in Britain for Xmas, so no danger of homesickness... especially as it snowed there too! And New Year is infinitely more entertaining in Russia. The Russians seem to have discovered fireworks in the last ten years, and you can stand in a huge crowd in the centre of town with everyone around you letting off wizzers and bangers and shooting stars without any regard for basic safty precautions. Sometimes I love this country.

On the other hand, I think I may have used up my friend's tolerance for "In Russia..." stories by now. Many of them could write disertations on the subject. And I'm getting a bit tired of them myself (doesn't seem to stop me though!). Except I never get fed up of (talking about) the Metro. Still fantastic, still better than any other country I've ever been too. Reliable. Fast. Frequent. Gates which play a jolly little tune as they slam closed on your ticketless legs. Whenever I think about leaving the country I realise I can't bear to be stuck somewhere with less than Moscovian standards of public transport. So I guess I'm stuck. And the fizzy water remains a huge form of entertainment ("Grass? What do you mean 'It's made from grass'?"), though they seem to have dispensed with the amusing machines.

Pity I still am hopeless with the language though. Doubt if the penguin do-da would help, but thanks for the thought.

New Year is great in Russia - full of Vodka if I remember correctly, plus the usual herrings and pickles (yeuch). But wen I was there no fireworks. Nosiree. I still find it very difficult to imagine a large crowd in the middle of town too, the biggest crowd I ever saw was outside GUM when a shipment of bras arrived. (btw: is Lenin still there in his mausoleum?)

Russia, and Moscow in particular, is very addictive. While you're there you just want to change most of it, and enjoy the Metro. When you leave you miss it for ever (I know, I was last there in 1982 and there is still an ache in my heart for it!) I miss the trolleybusses (even though I never went on one). Endless ice-cream. Winter so cold your nose felt as though it had permanently left your face. The all pervading smell of cabbage. The view from the Uni, and the reckless ski jumpers. Those mad old gits swimming in the river - Walrusses - do they still do that? But best of all, skating everywhere. Especially in Gorky Park. Sigh. I expect I've forgotten all the bad bits.

The language. Ah, now I fought with that for over 7 years and seem to have instantly forgotten 95% of it when I finished my A-level. I just remember having to learn never-ending-lists of endings (hard, soft, masculine, feminine......) verbs with 3 infinitives (verbs of motion) and letters which actually have no sound! And the worst thing? When Russians speak they swallow the endings so you just have to guess....... but the Penguin book (although my copy is over 20 years old) is very good. I'm going through it again now in the hope that some time the language will permeate my brain again.

Enjoy!
Sho

If you were here in 82 you wouldn't recognise the place now I suspect, though there is still the feeling sometimes that everything is a veneer, especially when yu have just had to treck to 10 different shops to buy the ingredients for spagetti bolognaise. Still, there are restaurants and shops you might actually want to walk into. And bars. And Macky D's are everywhere (is that good?).

Lennin is still there though, decaying very slowly.

Hi, Solnushka!
I wanted to tell you that I live in Estonia, I can even speak Russian and the last time I was in Moskow was in 1987. They tell me that everything has changed there but I don't believe it. In Moskow there was a little street called Arbat - that was the finest place in the town this time with all the artists and musicians and dissidents. Is it still so? (And then - who might be the dissidents?)
BTW you should come back to Estonia - we have better places here than Tallinn (maybe not so tourist-orientated) and maybe it gives me a chance to see a real h2g2-ian in flesh .
Hatifnat

Deary me, I hope you didn't get the impression I didn't like Tallinn. Loved the place, as did every other person I know who has visited it.

The Arbat is still there, but is now one of the two places in Moscow actually dedicated to tourism. Three if you count The Tomb. Though to be fair the Kino wall is still there surrounded by lounging youths in black, and there are a fair number of buskers in amongst the continental style outdoor patio-ed cafes. They want money though. To be fair, I don't know what it was like prior to 4 years ago, but I suspect people are right when they say the place has changed.

I must admit that my taster of Estonia put it high on the list of places to travel (when I next feel the urge to battle against my travel phobia). I'll let you know

I'll be waiting. I won't come to Moskow for sure (there are so many places I haven't been yet and also I'm afraid to be disappointed - you know, nothing's the same) though I have even some relatives there. But I've met them only once in my life.

So, Estonia is the best in July or August, if you decide to come back here again. See you then.

¤