This is a Journal entry by Emily...overly fond of the ellipsis...and top ten lists...submit yours @ A87824361...

The Lurgy...

Post 1

Emily...overly fond of the ellipsis...and top ten lists...submit yours @ A87824361...

Three fifths of the house has the lurgy.

My parents and my big sister have been ill for the last week+ and my little sister and I are, so far, not catching it. That said I've spent two days with a headache and can't get myself to wake up properly, I actually had a nap yesterday afternoon because I kept dropping off! I haven't done that since I was a kid.

My family having the lurgy has also resulted in bringing up something else that's never quite gone away. I went to the supermarket, to buy some decongestants and almost walked into the guy who led me on in high school and told me I was "unfanciable". Anyone surprised I've never had any confidence or boyfriends?

Stupid thing is, the feelings I had for him, never really went away and he's still really cute and despite what he did, what he said, as I walked down the aisle towards him (he was at the cold remedies also) I was angry, but also desperately wishing I'd had my hair down and hadn't just wandered out the house in my scruffy stuff and sod all makeup, because my stupid brain wanted him to recognise me and think I looked nice and feel like a smiley - bleep for what he did.

I'm in a low at the moment, that being dredged up just adds to the mess in my head of work & windows woes, design & life failure and loneliness. Plus it's only going to get worst over the next couple of months, as my birthday gets closer.

I even started up the h2g2 Researcher Top Ten A87824361 again last week in the vain attempt to get myself at least talking on here a little more...then couldn't bring myself to actually write a journal entry saying what I was doing.

See, this is why I don't write journal entries, I just feel like I'm moaning all the time. I miss my old friend on here, who knew I wasn't always like this, I can be happy and relatively funny...then again, maybe that girl's gone for now.

Anyway, it's time to do the lurgy trios tea run.

Hope you have a nice weekend and if anyone reads this have a think about your top ten tracks and drop them off at A87824361.

Em x


The Lurgy...

Post 2

psychocandy - Moderation Team Leader

I read this. smiley - smiley

I've already chimed in with my Top Ten, or the top ten that popped into my head out of lots. It was fun. I've missed seeing your posts about music, and it was a real pleasure to see you back and posting one again.

I'm sorry you're in a low place right now. Being surrounded by sick people can be depressing, and it sounds like your body is working really hard to resist it.

The dude who called you "unfanciable" sounds like a real jerk. I hope you won't let one jerk prevent you from having confidence or experiencing relationships, he's not worth it (and you are!). Even if you walked in there looking like you'd just walked off a catwalk, a jerk wouldn't feel bad about what he did. He'd justify it with something along the lines of "well, you didn't look that good back then", and who wants to bother with someone who judges a person's worth by whether or not they are wearing makeup or their scruffy clothes.

Anyway, I hope you won't catch whatever is going around at your home and that you're not feeling so low for too long. And it was really good to see you again!


The Lurgy...

Post 3

summerbayexile

Hi Em,

Dropped in my tracks with reasons for each one! If I did it tomorrow or the day after it would be different but it's an interesting snapshot. As for that guy. Didn't you know that the better looking they think they are, the more they lose grip with reality? He's clearly an idiot and he should be treated like the Daily Mail - loud, self-important but basically full of s**t!

SBE smiley - hug


The Lurgy...

Post 4

Emily...overly fond of the ellipsis...and top ten lists...submit yours @ A87824361...

Thank you for your support.

Truth is, he may have been a jerk, or easily led by his jerk friends, but he was nice to me for a long time before he said that. I liked being friends with him and I liked being able to talk to him about stupid bands no one else had time for...


I can't blame him for going for someone other than me. I'm not pretty, or popular, I'm not outgoing in fact I'm shy to the point of being excruciatingly antisocial, I'm over weight, I'm a couple of years off being thirty and still live with my parents, still work in a part time job for my parents and wasted six years of my life at university only to come out and still be doing the job I had when I was fifteen.

I don't want to be around me, so why should any one else want to be?

I'm just ashamed of myself for still being affected by it. It's pathetic.

Anyway, it was a decade ago, let's leave it at that. And as an update on the sickies, they're all more or less better, Sarah's back to uni...or was, she's now on reading week, and my parents went to the doctor smiley - doctor. Mum had bronchitis and dad had bronchial pneumonia, both have had a course of antibiotics and are feeling a lot better and are back to work.

Louise and I never got sick and now I'm going to try and sift through the bomb site that is my bedroom. Or more likely sit and sew butterfly wings for work and add bits of wool to the mess.

Em x


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The Lurgy...

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