This is a Journal entry by Mr Jack

Porcelain Monkey…

Post 1

Mr Jack

Experiencing Anxiety – been feeling tense and anxious, like I’m not in control, afraid I can’t cope, gonna be overwhelmed - selfharm, mess-up die. Been having palpitations and getting close to panic attacks. Cold sweats when I am very cold, pouring with sweat when I'm warm or hot... Crying weeping tears.


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 2

Snailrind

Hi, Nyxkind. You still there? I can't stay on the comp for long, but will offer what support I can. smiley - hug


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 3

Snailrind

No matter how pleasant a move of house is, it's still a big change and it can still have a big effect on you. Do you think it's the move that has triggered this off?


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 4

Snailrind

I hope your panic has subsided and you are feeling a little calmer. Here's a towel to hide under.smiley - towel

I have this little routine I go through whenever I have a panic attack. Perhaps you have one of your own and have already been using it; anyway, I'll tell you mine just in case.

1. Sit down or, even better, lie down.
2. Focus on relaxing your muscles, especially shoulders and jaw. Fastest way to do this is to clench them up really tight, then let them go.
3. Slow your breathing down. Inhale and hold it for three seconds; exhale; repeat.

Making myself smile a bit seems to have a knock-on effect sometimes, too.


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 5

Snailrind

Although, there are disadvantages to the whole optimism thing....

http://www.pancakepostcards.com/images/pessimism.png


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 6

Snailrind

This may appeal to your sense of humour.

http://www.despair.com/


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 7

Snailrind

smiley - cuddle

See you round.


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 8

Mr Jack

I'm not so tearful now... Still feeling strained. Only got a couple of hours sleep.
I'd been hoping I could use this visit to my mother's to wind down abit from the stress on the past couple of weeks. But no such luck, I'm feeling too fragile and have tasks more I need to get done and things I need to think about.
Sean a few days back manage to trigger painful stuff for around Suz... So I've all that pain to get on with aswell.
And I went into my room here in the small hours of today, to start working out what i want to take to the flat. I have been sleeping on the floor in the living room here and hadn't been in that room for two years.... The emotions being in that room triggered were intolerable...

I'm hurting.
People think I've made so much progress, that I'm stronger and intelligent and all that crap... Push me and I break.


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 9

Snailrind

No wonder you're feeling crappy, with all this stuff being triggered. You're not superhuman and nobody can expect you to be. I know how easy it is to have he rug pulled from under your feet just when you think everything's going swimmingly. One phone call from my mother had me in a similar state two days ago. At least in my case there is something I can do about the situation (which I can't disclose); for you it seems a case of "the best way out is through". As the therapists are so fond of saying.smiley - erm

Sorry man, I really have to go now. Take care. All the best.


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 10

Mr Jack

I ought have covered further this with Lydia, but I was feeling physically under the weather and in addition so delighted to see her I didn't communicate well that there was more going on than standard ‘stress of moving’.

Take care.


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 11

Snailrind

How are you feeling today?smiley - smiley


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 12

Mr Jack

Not cool.


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 13

Snailrind

Sorry to hear that, Nyx. Are you still feeling panicky, or has it developed into ever more interesting forms of horribility?smiley - erm

Are you at your mum's still?


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 14

Milla, h2g2 Operations

smiley - cuddle
I've been in France for a week, just came home and found this thread...
Not having experienced the things you have, I can't give better advice than Snailrind, but I can give you my hugssmiley - hug and a loobrushsmiley - cheerup. Moving house is terrible, I never want to do that again, even though *living* in another house might be nice.
Don't feel bad about feeling bad is all I can say. Things you went through were bad, doing and seeing other things and triggers emotions, but it doesn't mean that the bad things are actually happening again? At least I hope not. smiley - cuddle
Can someone help you or be with you when you sort the things at your mum's? Or might that feel even worse?

smiley - love
smiley - towelMilla


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 15

Snailrind

Hi, Milla. A holiday in France sounds very nice. I hope you had a good one.

I'm very "not cool" myself at the moment. Turns out there is nothing I can do about the problem I mentioned above, and things are a lot worse than I thought.... My point in telling you this is not to hijack your thread with my own concerns, but to pass on something which helped me last night.

I was lying there with my mind churning, wondering how the hell I was supposed to get any sleep, when I remembered something a psychologist once suggested: counting slowly backwards from, say, 600. Anyway, I tried it. It didn't totally block out the thoughts, but it was distracting enough to prevent me from focusing fully on them. I started yawning when I was in the 480's; by the 300's I had to keep reminding myself to count, because my mind kept drifting. I fell asleep as I was approaching 100. And I found it's impossible to cry while counting backwards.smiley - biggrin I hope that's of some help.


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 16

Milla, h2g2 Operations

!
I do the counting backwards thing too! But I usually start at 200, and make myself start over when I loose myself... They say you can up the odds by counting in steps of seven - that will surely keep you nicely confused!

Snailie, hope your worries pass soon!
Kamanchi, friend, I will stay in touch!

smiley - towelMilla


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 17

Snailrind

Long time no post, Nyxkind. How are you? Here's hoping you're just busy, merrily redecorating or something. Sending warm thoughts your way.smiley - hug


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 18

Mr Jack

smiley - cuddle Milla.
smiley - hug Snailrind.

Haven't been near a computer for a while.
I did put a first coat of paint on the walls of the hallway on Saturday.
Yesterday I had to go to the stupid jobentre about getting INcome Support.
Today I saw my Therapist. Tomorrow I'll be doing pottery before heading off to the local college about an Access course. This I expect to be even more stressful than the trip to the jobcentre.

Still feeling fairly anxious alot of the time. But so intensly as I was for those weeks of upheaval.

I will be online again over the weekend.

Be well...
Avernus.


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 19

Scandrea

Good luck on the access course!


Porcelain Monkey…

Post 20

Milla, h2g2 Operations

I wish you peace of mind.

smiley - towelMilla


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