h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

She's in my head again. In my head but agonizingly out of my life. It has been weeks since thoughts of her have been so persistant and painful.
Things that have been said elsewhere make me wonder if I have been clear enough on the point of fact that I do *not* still love her. I could love her again so easily, I'm sure of that. But of course she'd have to let me know her again. Let me be part of her life. I miss her terribly. Miss everything about her. I love the girl I remember...
And I realised today that I *do* still believe there will *never* be anyone else. I think somewhere I'd avoided admitting that to myself for a while or deluded myself otherwise. Or had sucessfully forgotten. I don't know which...
Life is pointless and futile. It is only made bearable by shared love, shared lust and shared consuming passion.

I somehow I have lost what it was that I felt I needed to say... Sorry to have bothered you.

Dear friend, how can I help you? Do you need a new thought in your mind? Would you rather just rant some more? Would you like me to distract you with stories of my life, little everyday thing?

(I am amazed that we are online at the same time! That is rare!)

Milla

*everyday things!!! not thing.

I am too confuzzled I think to engage with a coversation.
I've not slept.
I just needed to say something somewhere.
I hope I wasn't ranting.
I think I will lay down and try to surrender myself to to music or listen to a film.
To converse on something would be better but I'm not upto it, too exhausted.
I'll be back later... hope to talk soon. If you have a chance post a story or somesuch thing. I'd be interested.

You were absolutely NOT ranting, but it sometimes helps. Other times it makes things worse.

I'll think of a story while I make lunch (have been putting it off for an hour, kids are getting hungry...)

Sleep tight!
Milla

Indeed, rant away! It does help!

But so I don't give unsolicited advice this time, let me know that you're doing that.

What do I have to rant about? I'm not angry with her. It hurts that she left me completely and without giving me a reason. It hurts that she didn't talk to me about any problem there was. But I'm the one I'm angry with. I'm the one I hate in this. That I must have done something to make her want to leave: something to kill the love she had for me, that I must have hurt, disappointed, betrayed her trust in some terribly way and I'm so a c*** that I don't even know what it was.

It doesn't have to be anything wrong with you. I can't promise, but I believe that the ways that are yours will appeal to some woman one day. And some woman will have ways that appeal to you.

Of course it hurts when someone just leaves without telling the reason. Of course! But maybe you didn't do anything particularly wrong, perhaps she just realised that what she expects wasn't what you are.

Ugh. This sounds really cruel, but I don't mean to be cruel.

I'm just trying to say that different people need and want different things. Sometimes it takes a while before you realise what you want and don't want, and it has more to do with knowing yourself, and not the other person. In a way, she might be letting you be the way you are, and not forcing you to change to her needs is a way of giving you a sort of freedom.

Not that that was how I was thinking when I left boyfriends in my youth... I just left because it was not the right One. And I repeated the process until I found my present loved one, my husband. Looking back, though, I was changing, and my wants changed.

I gather that you loved her for the person she was, and the ways she had. I am not trying to take that away either.

I never explained very well to the guys I left why. I think that might have been even more cruel - like saying their ways were wrong. I think they all found other girlfriends, so their ways were not wrong as such, just not the right ways for me. And I was the one who changed.

This turned to be longer than I expected. I hope I haven't hurt you more, because I wanted to make you feel better. But I look at what I wrote, and it can be hurtful, even though I never mean that.



Milla

Poor EonBlue!

Sorry to hear you're taking it out on yourself. Might she just be unready for anything long-term? Is she playing the field? Do I know what I'm talking about? Meh?