h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, circumstances allowed me to do something that I've wanted to do for quite a long time now. See, I was doing a favor for someone in Michigan City, Indiana, my old, old, old stomping grounds (before I moved back to this area from Louisiana and before I moved to Louisiana.) I went to the Library that I remembered enjoying so well.

Now, first of all: a lot of things that I remember as being big and impressive seem to shrink over time. But the Michigan City Public Library is not one of them. That place, while not technically what I'd call huge, is still very well big and very well stocked.

I discovered that they had copies of "The Wolves in the Walls" and "Where's My Cow?" in the children's section, so I read them first. It was good to be able to scratch off one of the few Neil Gaiman books that's managed to evade me for so long, and while I'm not taking my Terry Pratchett reading as voraciously as my Neil Gaiman reading it was also nice to get that one taken care of (This is the first Discworld book that I've not read in order. I'm currently midway through "Guards! Guards!" otherwise. Unless I miss my guess, "Where's My Cow" contained a statistically abnormal spoiler for me for the book I'm reading now. Just goes to show you that you can never be too careful, so always read things in order.)

I then found a collection of Lovecraft stories, and read two that I'd never looked at before (Pickman's Model, I think one was called. The other was called The Outsider, I think.) Two stories, both of which I saw the impending twist in very, very early on in, and both of which ended with shocking italicized text that let me realize that I was supposed to not realize the twist until then! Oh, what a fool I'd been to realize in advance. Must be hubris, or something. Lousy hubris. And to think, just last week I'd said to myself, "Nothing can stop me now! Not even my hubris!" Some people never learn, eh?

Anyway, the whole *point* of this journal entry is what I found next: I discovered a ridiculously well stocked DVD and CD section. I have never seen a library with a DVD and CD section as well stocked as this. This may in part be because I don't travel very far or very often, but I'd like to think that it was a genuinely huge selection.

While glancing along the shelves, I found a Dr. Who...thing. Story? Series? Season? Dr. Who seems to occupy a weird netherspace in terminology where pluralizations just lead to trouble. Regardless, I found a Dr. Who collection (there we go, collection!) called "The Key to Time."

So, I decided that I simply must get a library card for Michigan City and delve into it. Now, I'd had some preconceptions about Dr. Who based on what I'd learned about it (I'd even had the hubris (there I go again) to tell some people that various episodes of my DJ Fate radio show were in the style of what I thought Dr. Who would be like despite never having seen an episode.) And I have to say, that Dr. Who was almost exactly what I was expecting it to be. I mean that as a compliment: it provided just the sort of cosmic adventuring that I've been imagining it having for over a decade.

The library also had some other Dr. Who things in their collection, but they were checked out. I'm not sure what they were (I don't know if I'm hoping for more Tom Baker, or if I want to see what some of the other doctors might bring to the table.) Now I just need an excuse to get back to Michigan City to return this one.

Vimes's ... um ... situation in Where's My Cow isn't a spoiler for Guards Guards so much as for the next several Vimes books, and the other principle character isn't born until Night Watch (now *there's* a book you need experience with Sam Vimes for if ever there was one) so I suppose on some level the spoiler isn't that bad.

Also, I may have gotten too used to Paul Kidby's illustrations. Vetinari looked too much like Alan Rickman as Professor Snape, Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler seemed too slick and "handsome" (his moustache was too neat, at any rate), and Detritus ... well, I kind of feel like creatures made of rock should look a bit more ... rocky. (Incidentally, his bizzare hat with the propellor and the fins is created in Men At Arms.)

*Covers his ears to block out the spoiler about the hat*

It'll be a while before I can get there, though. The current goal is to finish Dracula.

Hey, it wouldn't be a spoiler unless I actually gave details, would it? I mean, it's the difference between saying that there *is* a reasonable explanation for why the Colonel in Metal Gear Solid 2 says "I hear it's amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw space with the tuning fork does a raw blink on Hara-Kiri Rock. I need scissors! Sixty-one!" and actually telling you what the explanation is ...

... and now I'm trying to come up with an apropos and punny Dracula reference. Uh ... "I do not play ... MMORPGs"? ... no ...

Oh, the spoilers I can give about Dracula now. And the best part is, in a lot of them, no one'll believe me! Even if I told people that there was, say, one lie out of six statements, they wouldn't be able to find it.

-Dracula can control foxes.
-Dracula can control bees.
-Dracula can be outside during the daytime.
-Dracula has a big, thick, white mustache.
-Dracula can get bigger and become a giant.
-Dracula can shrink down to get through almost any space he wants.

No fair playing if you've read the book.

It's been ages since I read it. Um ... hmm. I don't remember him ever becoming giant, or controlling foxes or bees specifically ...

And I *like* spoilers like that. The problem is that Dracula isn't quite *wacky*. I mean, here's a description I've seen of Metal Gear Solid 2:

"A bisexual flamenco-dancing vampire! A magical ghost-possessed arm! The cyborg ninja is a Russian mercenary with hairy armpits! It turns out the psychic woman wasn't psychic and then it turned out she was! They've all been dead! For a hundred years! Your entire life was an elaborate charade! But you have freedom to decide! She's pregnant! She can't be pregnant because she doesn't exist, except she does, except she might not! THE VILLAINS MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT BE A SENTIENT WHITE HOUSE! THAT CONTROLS THE INTERNETS! *I NEED SCISSORS! 61!*"

Heh. The answer is that he can't control bees. The other stuff is a combination of reading between the lines and overt statement (there's this great chapter which consists of Helsing basically laying out just about everything that Dracula can do. Some of the stuff he says is great when ya think about it.)

Is that the original Bram Stoker Dracula? I read that many years ago, but remember very little of it.

Oh, and I'm going through the Discworld novels in order, but following each story line one at a time. I've read through all of the Rinsewind novels and have the death novels lined up to be next. There is a cool reading order mapping here:
http://www.lspace.org/books/reading-order-guides/
that shows which books follow which story line/characters.

The other cool thing on that site are the annotation files, that explain various obscure and not-so-obscure references in the books. I like to read about half the book, then read the annotations for that part of the book, then read the rest when I finish the book. Here's a direct link to the annotations:
http://www.lspace.org/books/apf/index.html

I considered reading the various stories in order starting with Rincewind, but decided that I'd rather read them all in publication order instead.

Which, incidentally, is odd considering my many failed attempts to get Reaper Man from the local libraries while Witches Abroad is sitting here at home waiting to be read.

I need to read Troll Bridge soon, though, it's should be approximately where I am now.

Oh, and yes this was the original Bram Stoker's Dracula.

All of the Rinsewind novels were great, except for The Last Continent. That novel was a satire of Australia, and you need to know lots of Australian trivia for the jokes to make sense. And some of the plot twists that were required to make those jokes were too contrived. I was reading the annotations (thank God for them) after reading every second page of the novel, just to understand what was going on. Got very tedious and I was glad when the novel was done. I've actually been buying all of the books, but that one has already gone to the used bookstore, while the others remain on my shelf. The book was not completly horrible, since it IS a Terry Pratchett novel, but it was the weakest one of his I have yet read.