h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*takes cabbage out for a walk*

*teaches the cabbage to sit and stay with a series of cabbage-appealing treats*

*appeals to cabbage*

*the cabbage appeals back*

*cabbage steals keys to the car and runs off to join the circus*

*Pays five bucks to see cabage jump from a trapeeze through a hoop of flame and into a potato sack*

*gets jealous of the fame, fortune and bright lights. kicks fame, moons fortune, throws rocks at bright lights*
that'll teach em

It will, indeed. I think so, yes.

8decides on a career in education*

*decides to swing by apples place to fix her shift key*

I didn't think she'd actually change her name...

You SEE what kind of infulence I have on people???

*beep beep da da beep beep*

Newsflash:

Krissy becomed goddess of the universe! Now having crushed the people's will to name them selves, no one can stand in the way of this once kind human that is, even now, poised on universal domination.

*file footage showing kittens being cute, then exploding into a fruitbasket*

No one dare challenge the phenomanal phisic and phycial prowress that this being holds at her command. Able to wreck havoc with a mere glance- able to rend mountians usunder with a flip of the tounge- able to make cute kittens explode without a moments care. Who is brave enough to stand and fight?

HO-JU! HO-JU! HO-JU!

Damn it!

That's what the man said, yes. Damn it all.

*stands towering over screaming populace randomly naming them things like Snooter*

No one shall oppose me! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAHAHAAA!

Yes yes. Damn them all!

*on a kind of semi-not-really-related note*

What would you do if, say, your little brother was one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse? I mean, the "bearing down on the world in flames" stuff is impressive, but would you be able to banish the memory of giving him nuclear wedgies when he was a kid?

The problem is, we don't count enough on personal relationships when it comes to the end of the world.

Have you considered a change of carreer?

Well, sure. I want to make more money just like we all do. But how can I be sure that I get the job that's right for me, Snooter?

Snooter?