Journal Entries
Multi Media
Posted Jun 19, 2000
I'm beginning work on a job for a corporation that wants to design flash based web pages. I'm having to learn a lot about SQL and VB as it interacts with flash and Javascript. However, when I was hired, the interviewer didn't ask me the apropriate questions and didn't seem to know of the mechanics of flash page designs. Therefor, I was hired and they thought that I knew things like Java (I bet they didn't understand the difference between it and Javascript). I wasn't given a deadline or any artistic direction. I was given a bare bones description of what operation they wanted done server-side but nothing else. I have had to pull everything together myself and it is taking (of course) much longer than they thought. Yesterday, I was given a deadline of wednesday. Two days to complete five flash pages and the html, incorporate in all the Asp (thank goodness I have a programer working with me) and test it on their server. That is two days (or there about) and I haven't been given any raw asp code, any artistic feedback, no layout of which to speak of and nothing really tangible. This is totally overboard. If I knew a few days ago what I know now, I would have taken artistic direction of the project (which I have but wasn't informed of) and really put something together nice. They're going to have to settle for what I give them. I hope they are satisfied with it (it seems pretty lame to me) and I'll wow them with future projects. Damn, I'm off balance and haven't felt this way for a long time. The good thing is that I know I'm getting training and expanding my skills! I'm sure all will turn out well.
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Latest reply: Jun 19, 2000
Dealing with jealousy
Posted Jun 12, 2000
If one has a feeling of jealousy toward another on a purely pointless level, how should one deal with it? It isn't emotionally based like jealousy of a relationship. It is inconceivable to me that I can feel pangs of jealousy when others mention the feats or effects of another that have nothing to do with me? My editor and trusted friend suggested that emotions are beyond the scope of logic. I should listen to them but not let them control me. I wonder what that says. Perhaps I should take these feelings as signs of a desire to accomplish a similar goal or aim. Or perhaps I should release the nightgaunts into the air!
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Latest reply: Jun 12, 2000
Acceptance!
Posted May 31, 2000
Finally, the day I knew must come has! I have had an entry accepted. This is a glorious day and will lead to others. Not only other pieces from me, but others to have belief that they can. Hubris you think? Never, for I speak of the others here that are dear to me. They are writing and working and researching. And they are not far behind. Bwahaha! Ok. Maybe a little hubris...
In other worlds, a distributor by the name of Boer called yesterday. They are intersted in distributing Cthulhu Sex. I am joyous! I don't expect too much yet, I have to see what the terms are. However, it is the first actual distributor to contact me and it makes me happy.
Hmm. Two good things. What was that about things coming in threes? I'll wait... (knocks on wood)
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Latest reply: May 31, 2000
Chill
Posted May 27, 2000
The chill is chased off by my fond memories, rekindled by one who made them with me. I think that is part of what truly makes the world a sacred thing. I believe that sharing of these shared experiences drives us together, brings us understanding.
...I have had an idea that love is most free when there is no need of it. If love is fettered in any way, it slowly dies. Needs and desires fetter love. If the only desire one has for another is to just continue, that may be the purest form of love.
It is called a little death for a reason. A tiny fetter of love. A taint in purity.
Muscles atrophy without little deaths on a celular level.
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Latest reply: May 27, 2000
Thunder
Posted May 20, 2000
It is amazing to me that the only thing that blossoms in my mind when I think of last night is seething anger pulled into a physical reality of gently rolling, distant thunder. It was very soothing actually, almost cathartic.
I love the deep rumble of thunder at night. It is fuller than it is in the day, more comunicative. It sings burried songs of fear and frustration. It burns with the shock of adrenaline at first, the lightning playing with anticipation, then fades into a memory of its former self. And when it's gone, the gentle patter of falling rain lulls a sense of security, until the blackness is rent again with fortelling of its coming.
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Latest reply: May 20, 2000
St. Cthulhu
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