h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Looking down this Journal, it seems strange to think that less than two months ago I was buzzing with excitement about becoming a University student.

The past few days have been truly nightmarish; I've been through a real minor nervous breakdown over my first serious academic essay. Panic attacks, tears, lost sleep, lost appetite - the works. In the end, I delivered the damn thing on time, but the toll it took on my mental health seems out of all proportion to any benefit I'm likely to derive from being a student.

It's difficult for me to explain exactly what made the whole thing SO bad. Believe me, now that I can look back on it with some sense of perspective, I can fully appreciate that there are far worse things in life than having to write 2,000 carefully referenced words on adult education for your (compulsory) Lifelong Learning and Study Skills module.

But a couple of days ago, it really felt as though my whole identity was under attack. Such self-esteem as I possess is largely based on the fond beliefs that I'm not dumb and that I can write a bit. Faced with the demands of academic writing, I suddenly felt utterly useless.

For one thing, I found it murderously difficult to concentrate on a subject in which I have no real interest for an extended period. But what was worse was the stylistic demands of academia. Everything that I normally pride myself on in my writing - sincerity, passion, character, entertainment value - has to be ruthlessly purged. I find writing like that absolutely excruciating.

Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be so bad the second time around - but I'm not sure that I want to risk it. This week, I came desperately close to hitting the for the first time in well over a year.

Fortunately, the other written work I have to deliver before the end of the semester in late January seems less daunting: a short screenplay, and two essays on topics that do actually interest me. The essays will be on counselling and assertiveness training, so some humanity in the content will thankfully be permitted.

So I think I'll fulfil my current round of studying commitments; but I really don't know what I'm going to do after the semester ends. Long-term, I just don't think that academia and I are compatible; but I can't think of anything else that I really want to do.

hmmm, interesting. have you tried meditation?

No, but it's interesting that you should mention that. My assertiveness training tutor is a great believer in meditation, and has been urging all of us in her class to try it.

I haven't done so yet because I'm sceptical about the idea of being able to be peaceful and relaxed to order. I don't think anything would have made me feel peaceful this week. But now that things are a little less frantic, perhaps I should give it a go.

Have you been and had a chat with the people running the life long learning stuff and your assertiveness training teacher? They may be able to help you learn about different strategies for coping with things such as this (and offer you some more guidance about it all).

I would say don't give up unless there really is no way forward with it.

I would say meditiation is a good way to relax, take the brain off the boiler and weaken some of the emotional agisities thru' looking at yourself and seeing what you see inside.

-- DoctorMO --

Do you realise that the subject line of this thread is the title of a song?

Recorded by Dusty Springfield, I believe.



Can't really help much though. It's just that sometimes you have to do stuff you don't like in order to get to do stuff you do like. Such is life.


Geggs

Yes, Geggs, the allusion was deliberate. The song has also recently been covered by The White Stripes.

I have talked to the tutors, and I'm not immediately throwing in the . I think that I can probably cope with some of the other stuff on Level 1 of my course, and if I can get through those I can at least leave University with a certificate. Beyond that, though, it all gets a bit too scary: I've heard what the compulsory module on Level 2 is like, and I really don't want to go there. (It's Critical Thinking. I think it might put me on the critical list. )

I wish it was as simple as getting through the bad stuff to get to what I want. The core of my dilemma is that I don't know what I want; there is no burning ambition that I'm working towards. I went to University mainly just for something interesting to do, because I was at a loose end after finishing a work placement.

Unfortunately, it's proved to be much harder than I anticipated.

perhasp if you look for a goal first...

I've spent a lot of time looking for a goal. I'm a Bradford City supporter!

But seriously: I will get myself over to Shipley College this afternoon and see what NVQ courses they're offering at present. It has been suggested to me that I might try some voluntary work, and I think that's an interesting idea.

And after all that, I've been told that I actually did a reasonable job on the essay that caused me so much grief! I haven't got detailed feedback on it or a final mark yet, but I have been told that it was basically OK.

The icing on the is that one annoying guy in my class seemed to think it was amusing that I was having trouble with the essay - and he was told that his own attempt at the same essay wasn't good enough, and he'd have to do it again if he wanted to pass. Mine, though, is at least acceptable!

I love good karma! well done.

*Back combs her hair, glues on the false eyelashes & reaches for the mike*

Stay A While

Nice one. Glad to hear it wasn't as bad as you thought it was...

Thank you all. (Lovely singing, Granny! )

Since I got that ing essay done, my attitude to University has steadily mellowed. I am now definitely thinking in terms of, at least, finishing Level One of the course, which would get me a qualification (though not a degree). I seem to have some sort of talent for counselling, so it'd be a shame not to continue with the second module on that subject next semester, especially as I really enjoy those classes. After that, I'd only need to complete two more modules in the latter half of 2004 to get a Certificate.

I am still uncertain about what to do after that, though. Looking at the part-time prospectus, most of the fun, creative, practical stuff seems to be at Level One. A possible solution might be to take up my credits and walk to another, more arts and humanities-oriented University. But Bradford will do me nicely for now.

Well done Ormy
It does sound like you're looking at this academia thing in the right way as well, decide what you want to get out of it and then go for it!

Ormy, I felt very similar when completing the very first tutor marked assignment I did for the OU way back when. It was the first thing I'd written (other than letters) since leaving school, a gap of 14 years.

*goes back to leafing through Dusty's back catalogue*

Uni totally stressed me out too, but I stuck it. Unfortunately my health has forced me to give up on my course, but I'm very glad I went to Aston university. The only problem is that I'm now 22, but at the same level as most 18 year-olds. A bit worse actually, since most of them have had some kind of good work experience and all I've got is a few months as a cleaner before my ME lost me the job. So I'm struggling to put it mildly.

I'm glad you are mellowing to acedemia, if you have uncovered a talent then follow it up as far a possible! Go for it, and may your uni career be more successful than mine. And, on the subject of songs, remember that when you hit rock bottom:

Things can only get better


Cogs

Thanks, Cogs. Sorry you're having such a bad time.

I shall certainly stick at my course now. I think I've got over the worst bit. I still have two and half weeks of coursework and exams to go before the end of the semester, but none of it seems as daunting as that first essay.

One interesting thing about doing counselling is that a lot of the skills required for it are basically the same skills you need to be be a kind, friendly person: empathy, listening to people properly, being non-judgemental and wishing people well (or 'unconditional positive regard', as it's known in the trade). So even if I never become a professional counsellor, I think that course is helping me be a better human being!

Aston University, eh? I went to Birmingham Polytechnic from 1978-80. I used to be a DJ on the student radio station at Aston Uni, playing punk and new wave records and getting lots of abuse from the hippies who wanted to hear Yes and Genesis. Happy days...

Hey Ormy, who're you calling a hippie?

That wasn't you who used to keep ringing the station demanding to hear Steve Hillage records, was it?