h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As nobody has asked me if I would care to partake in some Finest Mead
or Wild Boar I think I'd better head off to my local hostelry for some sustainance.
See you in an hour.......or so.
Keep those corsets laced tight..ooh young man!!!!!!!

Greetings your grace. All this talk of corsets is making my wee beasties come out in a cold sweat. Anyone for the fluorescent beer?

Yes please!

Will some one loosten my stays - I think i am going to faint!

*loosens Lochangel's stays* There you go, m'lady.... better?

Whilst passing out the beer I feel that I must fill the part of the barman as the moral gaurdian of us students. When presented with a situation such as the one presented to us by Ms L ( and I hope she won't mind me using her as an example) I must point out how much of a moral dilemma it is - On the one hand we have the "do I act the gent and offer my assistance? " whilst on the other we have "Shall I wait for the feint and offer CPR?". You see its never as simple as it seems.

He's got a point! (wonder if I can get away with fainting now?)

I could just tighten those stays again...

*backs towards the doorl* actually on second thoughts I am meant to be playing Pell Mell with Lady Castlemayne - see you all in a bit!

*makes a grab for her stays, misses and falls flat on his face* Mmmmmph.

No dilemma there, I'm not doing CPR if your unconscious, tata Ms L

*picks himself up to reveal two broken front teeth* Cheersh Welliesh, thanksh for your conchern.

*wandering round with hands outstretched bumping into things with paper bag over head*
Ouch... ouch... ouch... Oi EV are you sure this is the only thing you've got in PU size?

And I can't eat through it. What's that dim light before my eyes. Is Wellie here with his home brew?

Shorry Veshtie... .*removes bag from Vestboy's head, cuts holes for his eyes and replaces it* Ish that better?

Hi - went away tried to do some work - realised I don't care - so came back!

That'sh the shpirit!

EV why are you talking like Roy Hattersley? *wipes spit from her face*

Hmmm. Now I can see the food but I can't get it in my mouth.
I'm going to roll up the bottom bit of the bag so that I don't starve.
Eurh! They've left the hoof on this leg of mutton and that fishy thing keeps looking at me and licking the jelly off the eels.
Where's the sherry?

I'm talking like thish becaushe I sheem to have broken my front teeth in a fall. And I have an ostrich feather up my bottom becaushe Mr Ostrich put it there to keep in the little pixies.

Do you want me to punch you and knock them out completely - or I could do it with a sporty spice ninja kick? Better out then in I say