h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I found out abour www.h2g2.com just a few days ago. Another researcher: Ambrose "Tosser" Berkins, pointed me the way. Please visit his homepage http://www.h2g2.com/U55591 and say something nice to him... about his homepage that is... I'f you want to congatulate him on his less than to be desired character then leave me out of it...

Matrix Mage
 

I went, I visted, I said something nice, and I left you out.
I don't know why I am telling you this.......

Hi there Squeaky Doors
You state "By the way, I am a female earthling and breathtakingly beautiful" Well Tosser the odd sod is well known for indeed beeing a male spaced-out-of-this-world and painstakingly ugly... Do opposides really attract?

Matrix Mage

Hi Mage,
I may be breathtakingly beautiful, and then again I might be an ugly hairy middle aged man who likes wearing womens clothes..... On the other hand Tosser may be a really attractive guy.....maybe I shouldn't say on the other hand where Tosser is concerned.....

Hey there Squeaky doors
Then again you could be famous movie star, the pope, Elvis, an e or a assisstant at McDonalds thats the beauty of the internet, and this place for that matter. And yes it's in poor taste to mention hands around him.
As a matter of fact the poor sad sod was talking to his friends (that includes me) about setting a plan into motion that afternoon... We laughed our balls off...

The Mage

p.s. Beauty may be skin deep, but uglyness cuts right trough the bone

Hi Mage,
I like the idea of being Pope, But then I always did like wearing silly hats. Can laughing that hard be hazadous to one's health. I am certainly glad I am a female, I hate to have bits dropping off of me when ever I was amused!

P.S. Beauty's charm will fade one day, but ugly will hold it's own...oops I did it again! Sorry Tosser.......

Hello Squeaky Doors
I'm not saying that Tosser is an ugly bloke, but when he was young his mother used to hang raw meat on him just so HE would play with him self...
Muahahahahahah.

The Mage

p.s. I hope Nothing isn't as bad as it sounds... If it is, anything is better than Nothing

Hi again Mage!
Nothing is great!
There is a sign on tne highway that reads: "We the people of Nothing Believe in the work ethic. We have spent our life living and working for Nothing. We are proud of Nothing, for Nothing is all we have. We spend all our hard earned money on Nothing, and Nothing is what we get in return. When you come this way, expect to see nothing!!!

A crazy old who calls himself the Mayor of Nothing lives there. I love the strange and unusual. If you travel north from there about 300 miles or so, you end up in Mercury Nevada...the sign reads "Mercury No Service" I think it could be important to know that there is no service on Mercury! I think it is a military base or something, and if you travel a little further, you are in Bagdad (Nevada that is) I take alot of coast-to coast drives accross the US.
I like watching the scenery change from the window of my vehicle.

Hullo Squeaky Doors

So Nothing is actually really something? Well I guess one has to be there... Just one question, who's the joker and when did he name the "town".

The Mage

p.s. Hmmmm... I see that you are a fellow Waits fan... I am guessing you found me via Waits? Am I right? There is only ONE true god

Yes Waits Is wonderful! They had a nice live cincert of his the other day on VH1's story teller's series.
I don't know who started "Nothing" it's an old man and three dogs. I think for all better purposes it's a service station. But He probably named it a town for tax purposes. I love road-side weirdness, and that place was very different. Did you check out the picture?

Hey Squeaky Doors
Yes I indeed found the picture and have been looking for Nothing on a Atlas I have but sadly no luck so far. I work in a wery large bookstore (right now). But haven't been able to find anything. Boy o boy I thought I came from a small town (Hveragerdi, Iceland)
Oh were thinking of forming a Society on h2g2 (Waits Wide World Society - WWW.soc). I'll tell you more later if you want. Must work some more.

The Mage

p.s. Tosser's been beating around the bush, no answer. Tosser joke to keep up with tradition

Are you in Iceland now? I have thought of visiting there some day. I don't think you'll find it on a map, unless you use a microscope. So what does Tosser do when the monkey misbehaves?....like you say tradition, and since Tosser has not responded to my remarks.... do you think he's keeping it all to himself?

Yes indeed I'm from and currently in Iceland.
I must visit a small town in Arisona called Blythe, my fathers syster lives there. Do you know anything about Blythe? If so do tell!
You have been so kind to inform the world (me beeing in it) about Nothing, so if you want to check out my home town try these pages. http://www.south.is/hveragerdi.html & http://www.isholf.is/VIKING/index.htm

The Mage

p.s. I have every confidance that a message from Tosser will pop upp any time soon. He beeing a man of action and all that.

What a beautiful home Town! Thanks for shareing it with me. I will go back to those links and look some more later. Have you traveleld to the US before? Was it unbelievably expensive? I live in Florida at the moment, but I want to get out of here. It's much to hot and damp! I was thinking of Vancouver B.C. ( I checked it out last year) but I am still not sure yet.

I've never been in the states. I just never found the time. There is no an envoy right now from Iceland wisiting my aunt in Blythe but oviously I'm not on it... I don't know when I'll eventually go, I have been travelling a lot in Greenland lately (much to the dismay of my employers) and USA will just have to wait. Yes It's expensive coming from Iceland to the states but it costs less going the other way. Also the international flights are told to be pretty expensive.
Why Vancouver B.C? Whats the attraction? I'm genually intrested.


I spoke Tosser last night on the phone, he was playing cards with his friend(s), so we couldn't talk that much... Too busy "shuffeling" those cards maybe?

Ahhh Vancouver...
Well first of all I love to ski, and living in Florida means The closest I am to real snow is about 1400 miles (Loon New Hampshire) North of here. There is snow in the southern states,if you like shlush, but on the east coast of the US you really need to get close to Canada to get real powder.
I am also very interested in Inuet, Haida, and Northern Native American culture.
I also like the city there, it is clean and relitively safe, lots of "fusion" cuisene of which I am fond. They have nice parks, and if you drive an hour or so out of town you are in the middle of nowhere! ( I like nowhere even better than Nothing!) A Beautiful coastline, and snow capped mountains, only 30 minutes from the ski slopes in downtown Vancouver, but even this last winter, when 50 foot trees had only their tops sticking out of the snow on the slopes and was -10 degrees, It was only cold enough in town to require a light jacket with no liner at night. It is one of the warmest places in Canada.
Vancouver has an international flavor, and lots of art galleries. I am an artist by trade. I sculpt in stone and I aso am a silversmith. Where I live now I am reduced to painting signs for a living, there is no culture in Central Florida, unless you count Mickey Mouse!

Oh...! I forgot to say something about Tosser!!!
He was playing Cards!? I thought he prefered pocket pool.......

Yess
I'm not much of a skier me self, I prefer snowboards to skis... Allthough I must admit I am terribly inept snowborder... No 360 degrees turns for me. I consider my self indeed lucky if the board never leaves the snow... I tend to fall down... ofter than not... if my board leaves the snow. It is generally belived that Icelanders are good skiers because of all the snow in Iceland... that's just not true. We indeed are cursed with wery few weeks of skiing snow. When we do get snow everyboddy suddenly stop showing up for work (some companys just close down for the day) and everyboddy head for the mountains. But we have snow for walking skies much longer.
It's so bad our national team has to train in Norway or Sweden to get decent snow. Actually we thought is was a major feat and great fun when one of our nationals finished a couse in last winter Olympics (it didn't happen often). Iceland oddly enough is much more suted for ice climbing an wery fun sport.


Yours...
Matrix Mage (Not to be condused to Mastrubation Mage, which is actually Tosser's professional name)

p.s.Tosser's favorite sport is actually wrestling - and he's constantly wrestling the-one-eyed-monster.

Poor tosser...he prefers his own pole to the ski poles.
I wanted to learn to snowboard but I broke my left wrist rollerblading a few years back I had to have 4 steel pins in my arm and a torture device they call a "wrist Jack" for three months! The good news is it works as 90% as good as before. Bad news is that the tip of both wrist bones were broken off, and it would not be good to break that wrist again, and as you know you use your hands and wrists a lot in snow boarding( Make up your own Tosser joke here)
It's kind of bummed me out, I think I would be good with a snow board, since I know how to surf. They do a lot of water skiing here, as a matter of fact it all started here in central Florida, ( I live on the chain of lakes ) I could care less about water skis, besides there are Alligators in them thar lakes!

Tosser is actually quite good on walking ski's (he says the rithm agrees with him, it sooths him). Well the traditional Tosser joke is now out of the way, sorry to hear about your hand. Surfing is somthing I haven't done yet. Although I'm told the condition to surf in Iceland are quite good. They surf in the same see in England. So there's a thought... maybe one should start a fad in Iceland, Iclandic surfers... Thats cool in every sense of the word...
Whats 90% control really like... do you feel the diffrence? I'm so lucky never to haven broken a bone in my body yet (7 - 9 - 13, knock on wood)) But I've dislocated almost every joint in my body... and belive me that HURTS...
So the only surfing i do is on the internet (boy this is a lame wordplay).

Well off to work I go

Yours Mage