h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"Oh, how nice. Does 'kahuna' mean 'hot'? And are you far from ONO farms?"

nah.. not far at all... it is a great drive too... takes about an hour... hour an a half... did you see the picture of me on the surfboard just before your just now posting? think its on the last page.

kahuna means master... big kahuna means the main guy... this guy is just a big kahuna surfer guy... and he is awful nice too to pull me outa the water after i fell in from the stream...

ono means delicious neato eh!

so i called acause i can meet up with you guys over here if thats okay... and to alert you to the fact that theres some great slack key and hula over there on the big island you guys can go see tonite... i will see if i can find the program for it once i get off this surfboard...

okay... . .. ..sounds of gentle waves lapping at the shore and children laughing.. .. ... okay, mahalo! aloha!. ... ..sounds of barefeet walking back the beach. ... .fwoop fwoop fwoop. .. .fwoop... . ... . .

okay... now i found this program for hula and slack key while out with the kahuna... it was floating on the water...

(open a separate window to keep hootoo open, back space on this one to get your next program performance)

The All Hawaiian Luau

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puelcyhsXQ0 hula

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFE42cMNNdY slack key one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWitlVkMdSs hula i saw this one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K460jvU23VQ slack key two

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vyk7H58wR2A hula i saw this one too

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqzFrQq-oHE slack key three

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xij39z0_7_g hula men ...for happy an me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_18D6ivwkP8 slack key four

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hy5nQyHCnHg slack key five

enjoy! these people are the real mccoy!!

Hula is not like what you have seen in hollywood movies... it is a spiritual quest... i don't know much about it but i know some ladies who are studying it and they say they have had to change their lives to participate.

i am thinking about seeing if they would accept me to learn hula... they don't accept just anyone... but you don't have to be native hawaiian... it is more, i gather, a certain soul place, spiritual demeanor so to speak.

Hula is not like what you have seen in hollywood movies... it is a spiritual quest... i don't know much about it but i know some ladies who are studying it and they say they have had to change their lives to participate.

i am thinking about seeing if they would accept me to learn hula... they don't accept just anyone... but you don't have to be native hawaiian... it is more, i gather, a certain soul place, spiritual demeanor so to speak.

The guitar and ukelele came from the spanish and south american cowboys who were imported to punch the cows that Hawaiians were raising... by the way, the beef here is exceptional.

oops...

and finally, the grand finale... . all this hula is traditional..the drums and main chanter... the dancers chanting

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RP5riqm1SiA

Aia I Nu’uanu Ko Lei Nani

Aia I Nu’uanu ko lei nani
There at Nu’uanu is your beautiful lei
‘O ka ‘ahihi popohe I ka nahele
Made of the full-blown ‘ahihi of the forest
E haku ‘ia maila e ke kiowao
It is braided together by the Kiowao wind
Ho’olawa ana I ka pua ka makahala
And to it was added the makahala blossoms

He aha ka hana a Waipuhia
What is Waipuhia doing
E ho’oma’u nei I ke oho palai?
As it soaks the leaves of the palai fern?
Wehiwehi Lanihuli I ke kawelu
Beautiful is Lanihuli with the kawelu grass
I puloku I kea lo o na pali
Where the rain pours over the faces of the cliffs
Pau ‘ole ke onaona o Kekele
Endless is the fragrance of kekele
I ka ‘ahui hala a’o hinano
With the clusters of hala and the white hinano blossoms
Hanohano Mololani I ke ehu kai
Proudly Mololani appears surrounded by sea spray
I ka nono a ka ua ‘Apuakea
That home of the ‘Apuakea rain

I akea ka ‘ohu I na kuahiwi
The mist sweeps down on the mountain
Ma ke kaka’I pali o Maunawili
Along the cliffs of Maunawili
Ke aloha ia wai anu I ka’ili
One loves the water that chills the skin
Ka ualo a ka leo o ke kahuli
And the singing of the many land shells
Ha’ina ke ali’I nona ka lei
This is praise of the chifess whose lei chant this is
Kapi’olani I ka ‘iu o luna
Kapi’olani, so high above
He inoa no Kapi]olani
A name chant in honor of Queen Kapi’olani




and for you, Happy... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_17vGYa81s IZ!


...and info on hula ala wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hula

"Sounds great. We'll phone you before we head over to Maui. Have fun surfing."

Happy closes her phone, hops down from the jeep's window and takes a seat behind the steering wheel. Axi and the Librarian take their seats, and the threesome motors toward the Ka‘upulehu Preserve to the north-east.

"Ook oook oook ook?"

"Well, more or less, I know where I'm going," replies Happy. "Besides," she continues mischievously, "it's an island. I promise you if I get lost, I'll turn around till we get back on dry land."

The jeep motors past beaches, hills, mountains, condos, rivers, lush gardens and bare volcanic rock to finally arrive at a locked gate. The three walk up to the gate and stare through the chain links to the beautiful plants beyond.

"Can I help you folks?" the security guard stated rather then asked.

"Yes, we'd like to see the preserve." Axi gives his most winning smile, but the guard's expression remains deadpan.

"I'm sorry. The preserve is not open to the public." Polite, firm. "The five botanical gardens, also part of the National Tropical Botanical Gardens, are open to the public, but not the preserves. This preserve and the other preserves are where the botanists work to preserve and propogate the plant species."

"Ah, okay. And the gardens are?"

"There are three on Kauai, one on Maui, and one in Florida. I'm sorry I can't let you in, but the other gardens are beautiful."" The guard pauses, then continues. "There's also the Hawaii Tropical Botanical Gardens, over on Old Mamalahoa Highway." The guard looks from one smiling, slightly sunburned face to the other, waits a bit, then asks, "Is there anything else?"

"No, sorry, thank you."

Very well. You two enjoy your visit to islands." The guard withdraws a short distance, but keeps an eye on Axi and Happy.

"Now what?" Axi whispers.

"We two ... saunter slowly over to the jeep, pretend to consult the map, and hope the one for whom fences are not an obstacle decides to return sometime soon?" Happy quietly suggests.

Axi and Happy read maps, consult the GSP unit, slather on sunscreen, sip water, snack on some trail mix Happy pulls out of her overstuffed luggage, discuss the American Western movie as an art form, read tourists guides, and generally kill time.

Eventually the Librarian returns, taking care to remain out of the guard's sight. Happy smiles tightly as she starts the jeep. "All right then, everyone ready? Had enough botanical gardens for one day? Off to the traditional hula demonstration? Or more banana tasting?" How about since we are on the Big Island, we head over to the Hawaii Volcanoes National Park for the traditional hula and chant performed on the hula platform overlooking Kilauea Crater, as per this tourist guide that I have had a chance to memorize?"

>>we head over to the Hawaii Volcanoes National Park for the traditional hula and chant performed on the hula platform overlooking Kilauea Crater<<

. .. .Axi's cellphone rings and he answers it... uh huh uh huh... . he snaps it shut and smiles at Happy and the Orangutan. ... .

fluffykerfuffle says "ooooooooo"

About 10 minutes after leaving the preserve, Happy parks the jeep.

"This ... doesn't look like a volcano," Axi murmers.

"No, it's a pub," admits Happy. "And you get to be the designated driver." Giving Axi the keys to the jeep, she heads into the Kona Brewing Company "Don't worry, the hula show won't start for hours."

www.konabrewingco.com

The Librarian looks at the grain silo and scampers into the pub. Axi follows.

Happy orders a salad sprinkled with macadamia nuts and a Longboard Lager. The Librarian orders a Waimea Wheat, and he and Axi split a pizza.

"Oook ook oook ook oooook!" pronounces the Librarian, after a healthy swallow.

"Does it taste odd?" The Librarian hands his pint-glass over to Happy who sniffs, sips, and hands it back. "Oh, yeah, this isn't a Bavarian-style wheat, made with a yeast that produces esters giving that banana taste. Waimea Wheat is an American-style wheat, which is made with a different yeast, a clean-finishing yeast. And it's made with passion fruit, that's the citrus flavor. Do you not like it? We could order something else if you don't like it."

The Librarian sniffs again, takes a swallow, then smiles and orders another. "Ook."

After the late lunch, or in Axi's case, breakfast, the trio hits the road, heading southeast on Highway 11. At the park entrance, the Librarian pays the entrance fee. "ook Ook." Axi smiles, "Yes, an excellent use of overdue book fees."

The smell of rotten eggs was noticable even in the car park. "ook oook ook," comments the Librarian, covering his nose.

The researchers hike or brachiate toward the hula platform overlooking Kilauea Crater, and join a small crowd of spectators. "Aloha," says a young lady, giving each a lei made from shells, and gesturing toward a tray with paper cups filled with fruit punch. "Thank you." "Aloha." "Ook."

As percussionists beat a rhythm with drums and sticks, the dancers take the stage, chanting. The youngest dancers look to be about 6 years old, and the oldest look to be at least 60. Clearly dancing is a life-long pursuit. The dancers' hands seem to be the ocean waves at times, the winds at other times, or growing plants, blooming flowers.

The captivating dance is made even more intruiguing by the volcanic backdrop - the deep orange glow eminating from the crater. New bits of Hawaii from the earth's center flow up and out.

*entranced by the dancing, Axi murmers*

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful...

*Somehow, the Librarian has produced a bag of peanuts and is munching*

Where did you get those?


Ook.


Okay, I only asked...

*Axi turns his attention back to the dancing*

The hula demonstration goes on well past sunset, the stage lit with tiki torches. Firelight illuminates bronze skin, as the dancers perform traditional dances, learned from masters, taught to younger dancers, for generations. Finally the dancers line up across the stage and shout, in unison, "Aloha!"

The audience applauds and cheers, but no one applauds louder or cheers more enthusiastically than Aximili. One young lady In particular has caught his eye, likewise, she notices his ardent attention. She approaches the three researchers, each graceful step punctuated by the wooden beads around her ankle.

"Thank you for coming to our show," she says to Happy. "You must have come a long way," to the Librarian. "Enjoy your stay on the Islands," to Axi. "Aloha." And with a warm smile to the young Englishman, she glides away.

Axi's eyes follow her retreat, until his gaze is intercepted by a large, well-muscled chest. He looks up into the scowling face of another member of the dancing troupe, this one a tall, powerfully-built young man. "Aloha" says the young man meaningfully, "in this case, means 'Goodbye'!"

"In that case, aloha to you as well" says Axi. "But first, may I compliment you on your troupe's dancing. I am in the Arts myself, and I appreciate masterwork when I see it. Do you mind if I ask how long it took for your entire troupe to learn that dance?"

*The Librarian ambles over and watches with interest, munching a banana.*

*As quickly and smoothly as a used-car salesman, Axi changes his tactics.*

"Look, my friend. You and I kind of got off on the wrong foot here. I wasn't trying to impress your girl friend. What say we forget all about this, and I buy you a drink to apologise?

*The young man nods grudgingly, and Axi orders the two of them drinks. They begin talking, and through the strange mediums of beer and guy talk, they soon become friends. The Librarian ambles over, and he gets s drink in the next round too, and draws a questioning glance from Axi's new friend. Soon, the young man has really warmed up to them, and is showing them the pleasures of the island. Or at least the alcoholic and banana-flavoured ones*

Happy watches the three males make their way to Uncle George's Lounge at Volcano House for some male-bonding and elbow-bending.

http://www.volcanohousehotel.com/Dining.htm

She slips away, and within moments meets a small, wizened man. Soon the two are in an intense, whispered conversation. It seems the quietness of their spoken conversation needs to be offset somehow - they gesture wildly, pointing excitedly, waggle their eyebrows meaningfully. Finally they reach some kind of conclusion, the man nods his head and offers his hands. Happy smiles broadly as she shakes hands, and watches for a moment as the small man heads to the parking lot.

Finally with a sigh, Happy steps into Uncle George's Lounge, orders a banana smoothie, and finds her traveling companions several drinks ahead. The two humans have cleared a small area, Axi's new friend is giving him hula lessons. Axi is proving remarkably proficient at shimmying. The Librarian is swinging from a beam in the open-beam ceiling. Happy leans against a spare bit of wall to watch and sip her delicious drink.

*With a final shimmy, Axi sits down again, to a small amount of applause. He cannot resist taking a small bow and sits down next to Happy*

Whew. That was fun...

Happy smiles over the remaining few swallows of her drink, but her eyelids only come up halfway. It's been a long day - 3 hours longer than the Californian is used to. The jet lag must be worse for Aximili, she thinks, although he seems to be holding up remarkably well. "I'm thinking about toddling off to bed," says Happy, as she scans the room for the Librarian, "but there's no reason for you and the Librarian to end your evening prematurely." Or maybe there is, she thinks, as she spots the orangutan napping on his perch in the open-beam ceiling.

A cocktail waitress looks apologetic as she says, "I'm sorry, but we can't allow your friend to sleep in the lounge." She nods her head toward a scowling man. "My manager. He says to tell you it's policy." Axi and Happy look at each other, then at the waitress. Ah yes, the tiny world of the low-level manager, an absolute dictator to his underpaid staff, a petty tyrant in a cheap suit, just the sort of fellow who sends a minimum-wage employee to handle difficult customers. "Of course," Happy reassures the waitress, "Sorry. We'll take care of it."

Aximili positions a chair, stands on it, and shakes the Librarian, earning sleepy ooks of protest. Meanwhile Happy, having tossed off her drink, heads over to the reservation desk to see what rooms are available on such short notice.

No rooms. No cabins, either. Right. "Do you mind if I use your broadband?" she states rather than asks through a tight smile. Without waiting for an answer, she pulls her trusty iBook from her messenger bag and places a reservation at the nearby Inn of Volcano.

She returns to the Lounge to find the Librarian now seated on the floor with one arm stretched up to Axi, Axi holding the Librarian's hand in both of his. It is clear that Axi's firm grip is the only reason the Librarian is not asleep on the floor. "It's all good," says Happy, reaching for the Librarian's other upper hand, "We have reservations not too far from here."

The manager bustles over. "What is that creature doing on the floor?" Oh great, thinks Happy, pompous and officious, too. "I'm afraid I'll have to ask you, your son, and his pet monkey to leave." Happy's eyes dart to her companions, and her small hope the Librarian slept through the insensitive remark is dashed. Axi's face is transfixed in horror as the Librarian's hand slips from his grasp.

The Librarian puts one long powerful arm around the manager's shoulders and frogmarches him to his own office. The door swings shut, muffling the ooks, thuds and pleading from within. The hostess turns the music up a little higher, and smiles. The other patrons, occupied with drinks or conversation, don't seem to notice.

"Perhaps we should settle the bill?" Happy and Axi leave an enormous tip in the hopes that a freak wave of forgetfulness might spread among the staff should a legal authority ask questions later.

Eventually the Librarian emerges froom the manager's office and rejoins his companions. They leave the lounge, climb in the jeep, and head to the hotel in the town of Volcano.

By this time they arrive at hotel, the long day and jet lag has caught up with them. Happy sleepily goes through the motions of checking in with the desk clerk, while the Librarian and Axi pull the luggage from the car.

Their rooms are nicely appointed, a breakfast nook, a kitchenette, a large glass door opening to the courtyard, one bedroom leading to the left and two smaller bedrooms leading off to the right.

Happy scarcely notices. She points to the nearest bedroom. "Dibs!" Without waiting for an answer, she heads inside, closes the door and falls face-first into the pillow.

"Oook ook."

"Ok, suit yourself."

The Librarian and Axi claim their bedrooms, and turn out the lights. A few moments later, the Librarian emerges from his bedroom into the main room, and almost silently lets himself through the glass door and into the night.

"I wonder what he does out there?" Axi murmers, as he emerges from his room.

(zzzzzzzzzzz)