Journal Entries
Have I...?
Posted Dec 7, 2015
Have I told you lately that I love you?
Have I told you there's no-one above you?
Fu-fu-fu- Fillllll my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease mah trubbles, that's whatcha do, oh yes
*adjusts wee black trilby*
*adjusts wee black sunglasses*
*lifts saxophone*
Discuss this Journal entry [8]
Latest reply: Dec 7, 2015
Rules of Christmas
Posted Dec 6, 2015
Christmas has certain rules, which despite not being written down anywhere, seem to be no less unnegotiable.
I shall endeavour to commit them to writing and codify them here. Who knows, this journal may become what Rugby school is to the game of rugby, or what the town of Thurles is to the Gaelic Athletic Association.
Article 1: Christmas songs.
The first thing to remember if you want to write a Christmas song is that you must be prepared to suspend any lyrical ability. Aim for Eurovision standard, and then make it a bit worse.
"Ding dong merrily on high, in heaven the bells are ringing" - I beg your pardon? Clearly the ravings of an opium addict!
"Fa la la la la, la la la la!" - this sounds like the opium addict is doing cold turkey.
"So they told me, pa-rump-pump-pum-pum" - this sounds like someone who is overly fixated with rumpy-pumpy. And *he's* probably on opium, too.
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Latest reply: Dec 6, 2015
Err...what just happened?
Posted Nov 20, 2015
I think something must have happened when I wasn't paying attention.
It all started with an off-the-cuff and, well, maybe slightly flirtatious remark to someone I barely even know. Then everything went a bit sort of haywire and we seem to have planned a holiday away after Christmas before we even knew surnames. 
Don't ask me. It makes no sense to me either.
All my most ill-fated adventures always seem to be precipitated by the words "Anything for a laugh..."
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Latest reply: Nov 20, 2015
I suppose it's all relative, but...
Posted Nov 10, 2015
If I hear one more 29-year-old grumbling about how their life is nearly over because they are almost - gasp! - 30, I am going to slap the wee twit.
And then I'm going to send them to work in the salt mine at Carrickfergus. I have decided this will be my gulag when I'm dictator.
Discuss this Journal entry [3]
Latest reply: Nov 10, 2015
Crap at mnemonics
Posted Oct 30, 2015
I have the common affliction of having a terrible memory for names. Now, one of the tips they always give for remembering names is to conjure up an image in your head. So, for instance, you could remember Douglas Potter's name by imagining him and Douglas Adams standing at a pottery wheel spinning clay.
Now I tried this with a woman I met last week, surname of Irwin. Shares the first name of a local newsreader/TV presenter. Irwin's is a popular baker, so I imagine said presenter standing there with a big loaf of Irwin's Nutty Krust. Perfect!
Except...who the hell was the presenter? Is she Cecilia Irwin? Angie Irwin? Rose Irwin? Marie-Louise Irwin? Yvette Irwin? 
So when I met her again today I just bluffed it with "Ah! Hello Ms Irwin!" in a jokey kinda way, but I can't call her Ms Irwin forever. 
Lovely girl. Wish I could remember her name!
Discuss this Journal entry [43]
Latest reply: Oct 30, 2015
KB
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