h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm out of the habit of all this airport malarkey. I've got the odd feeling I'm going to forget to bring something important.

As long as I've got wallet and passport the rest is inessential, right? Oh, booking details might help, too.

I wouldn't mind something to read. The Hans Fallada novel I'm reading is a bit gloomy for light travel reading. (One guy has sold all his horses and become an alcoholic because of WWI, his son has just died, his daughter has gone on the game and on the run from a dodgy character, and everyone else is starving, malnourished and pissed off).

What else...better leave the oul' pocket knife in the house. I have a bottle opener which could never be mistaken for an offensive weapon, though - it's always a reassurance to have a bottle opener!

I should get a clatter of Euro. Och, I can do that when I cross the border.

I'll have to get up at some ludicrous time like 5am. Hmph. At least I'll be travelling in daylight. There's always something depressing about heading to the airport in the dark. It makes you feel like you're doing a runner.

I'd better get the makings of a decent fry for breakfast if I'm to get up that early.

If Austrian German is anything like Swiss German, I better prepare myself for not being able to understand a single word.

Swiss German? Why would you need it? English and French are official languages of Switzerland. Austria borders France and Italy, so if you know much French or Italian, chances are you'll be understood. Plus, English-speaking tourists are likely quite abundant in Vienna and its environs. I remember eating in Vienna's Central café, and encountering a waiter who was well-versed in English.

I can get by in German well enough - in Germany, anyway. I've not encountered Austrian German that much, but Swiss German...

Well, I'll put it this way. Mala's a native German speaker, and when we were on a bus with two Swiss girls, it took about a quarter of an hour before she even realised they were speaking German at all.

I'm sure I could get by using English in most big cities in Europe, but I prefer not to If I can help it. (Of course, even if I start the conversation in German they usually think 'aha, foreigner!' and reply in English anyway, but it's nice to at least make the effort. )

Austrian German is not quite as far from "normal" German as Swiss German is. Believe me, I have to contend with both on a daily basis.

I can recommend Diccon Bewes "Swiss Watching" for some light inflight reading, albeit off topic for your outing, and I don't know of an equivalent one for Austria. Hows about you print out Tav's entries on Austria and read them en route? You can then chuck them away and relieve the load for the return journey.

Don't forget your re-sealable plastic bag.

Oh, and the Germans find the Austrian accent quite repulsive, but I think it's extremely sexy. This mainly because of an Austrian TV programme I used to love back in the 80s. Totally surreal, about a cop who had a rock band. Called "Kottan ermittelt". They also had their own version of a Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In type programme which I loved. They got surreal far better than the Germans did, back in the day.

The Austrian name for Germans is "Pifke". It's not very complimentary, and I'm not sure it's still used. Could you ask Mala while you're there?

AFAIK the official languages in Switzerland are French, German and Italian.

I really like the southern Austrian accent, but that could be because I only hear it when I'm on holiday and i associate it with that.

Swiss German - urgh. I can't stand it. Although since my new favourite goalie is Swiss and I have watched him interviewed on TV a fair few times now, I'm getting to like it

One time I was about to check in my suitcase when said to me "have you taken all your knives and stuff out of your handbag?"
the woman at the check-in counter gave me a strange look when after a few minutes of rummaging I just took out some money, my passport, phones and kindle and stuffed them in my laptop bag and put my handbag in the suitcase. It's easier all round to do that.

Sorry, Sho. I knew that there were four official Swiss languages, and I knew that French, Italian, and German were three of them. I assumed English was the fourth, but it turns out to be Romansh.

It's amazing what you learn when you tell people what languages they speak, isn't it?

Its amazing what they seem to moan about in luggage for air flights thesedays... mind, I only flew once... and had... an acletic mix of... dubiours items in both directions... and I didn't even intentinally brin g the illegal stuff back... it wasn't my fualt... no one told me it was illegal... but.. as no one noticed err... what they don't like you carrying pocket knifes? Oh... oops!

I've never felt any need to carry knives on long trips. If the airlines serve steak, they will also provide knives to cut it with.

If the airline provides steak, I hope I won't have to eat it.

it makes me giggle mightily.
The knives I have are all handbag sized - a swiss army knife with all the bells & whistles, a very small one with a knife and scissors. Another knife with just a blade (I open letters with it) and a Swisscard which is the same sort of thing as my very small knife.

Biggest blade is 3" - most of them are 2".

And last time I flew - Asiana airlines between Germany and Korea - they gave me metal cutlery and a real glass to drink from. I could have done more serious damage with my fork than with any of my tiny little knives. But I restrained myself

As my grandfather always said - forks are dangerous, one stab, four holes!

if you think forks are dangerous..... my four-pronged stiching awl that's lethal ... - I cna't even risk using it myself at the moment as my fingers are none to ... accurate

Since I'm largely non-meat-eating now, the buggers at the airport won't be able to steal sausages off me this time! Ha! Let them buy their own lunch, I'm not Santa any more!

I might still eat sausages though, since I'm on holiday.

...Jeez, talk about bearing grudges. I just realised that was seven years ago they tried to take my sausages off me and I'm still going on about it.

"if you think forks are dangerous..... my four-pronged stiching awl evilgrin that's lethal" [2Legs]

Porky Pig waves and says, "Th-th-that's awl, forks!"

"It was seven years ago they tried to take my sausages off me" would make a great slogan for all kinds of things. The name of your h2g2 personal space, the bit after 'KB' in your h2g2 name, the part of your Twitter header where you can write about yourself, a customised t-shirt

Speaking of T-shirts, I read a detective story where a witness photographs a crime being committed, but has nothing to print the photo on, so he prints it onto his T-shirt....

It does sound like an intriguing slogan!

Aer Lingus are annoying me now...I haven't even left yet and they're spamming me with 'Isnt it time you booked a flight to Ireland?'