h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A plain oul wooley jumper! Is that a lot to ask?

All I'm after is a normal wooley jumper. Like my granda would have worn. And probably his granda too.

I don't want buttons on the neck or shoulders. I don't want danglers on it. I don't want zips on it. I don't want velvety patches on the elbows or shoulders. I don't want to prance about the place like a David Beckham wannabe in an advert for aftershave.

I just want a jumper. Made of wool. Any chance lads?!

Bloody fashion people...

I'm nearly 38 years old.... I've been looking for a plain jumper since I was 17 year old, when my previous jumper was eaten by a dog... seriously. no lucky yet.... I'm now having to seriously consider the virtue of going for a cardigan instead.... seriously... just think... pockets... Hmmm...

21 years and you still haven't found one? My hopes of getting one by the weekend aren't looking good, then...

Actually, it might be 22 years.... Think I was probably more like 16 wehn the dog ate my last jumper... well, when I say 'ate my jumper'.... I was hangingn out, as one does.... in... err... somewhere.... we'd hitchhiked to... err some town... diss I think... and were by the big lake thinggy in the middle of the town... and we were talking to a bunch of people we knew... all sort of new-age hippy types... and err... smoking... and stuff... and there was this dog... belonged to .... err.... some bloke... and I was entertaining the dog, and playing with it... and err... sort of playing tug of war.... using my jmper... jumper.... and... the jumper kinda lost I was so* close to buying a cardi, last year, from a shop in town... but I bottled out at the last minute anyhow.... they didn't have it in purple...

Could you put on some sunglasses, a mac and a trilby and go thus disguised to the Edinburgh Wool Mills - you must have a branch in Belfast.

I'm perminantly weraing my trilby, when out and about in town.... It doesn't seem to have helped, thus-far, in finding a jumper to buy.... if you think it will... your welcome to borrow mind

I don't think there's an Edinburgh wool mill...

But if the trilby club are keeping all the good wooley jumpers for themselves, I'll dust mine off and then I might get one!

I'm gonna check this Edinburgh place online.

First impression: it uses the word "fashionable". I'm wary now...but they promise "good value". Doesn't everyone? I think I'll be the judge of that meself...

Ok, I may be some time, and I may come back wooley.

A non-prissy polo neck for ten squids. Not "wooley" strictly speaking, cotton/polyester, but maybe you can't have everything...

Oh. nos. if your getting a proper no-nonsense wollly jumper, I'm goign to have to do the balancing of the universe thing... and get myself the pretty little purple cardigan err... like I needed an excuss...

I don't think I'm tempted by purple cardigans, so you work away at them!

But now I have a polo neck dilemma. I don't like jumpers that fit, I prefer ones that are a bit too big. Can I do that with a polo neck or will the neck smother me?

I don't want to get a nice new jumper and then have to...er, "circumcise" it, if you'll pardon the phrase.

Victory!!!

Evidently what I was after is what's known as a "fisherman jumper". Wouldnae have guessed that one in ten years. And for a tenner each I might buy a few, and that should keep me going for years.

Although there are some nice Aran jumpers too. Pricier, but I do fancy one.

I'm now beginning to doubt, yet again if I need a jumper or not... I don't often feel the cold, and I've a leather jacket.... this is the kind of inability to make a descision, which means I've been trying to buy a jumper, or cardagan unsuccessfully, for over a decade... heck, if I could find any, I could get back into jumpers I had at age 16 now oo! Oh. My. Bob! unless, I am much mistaken, I have, hidden away, hardly worn, a roll-neck sweatshirt/jumper thinggy, I bought in Norwich.... oo... when I was like 15 or younger... If... as I suspect... its just been lugged out and about between houses, and flats, and suchlike... I bet its in the wardrobe in the spare room... and... I bet it'll fit me now I've lost weight

This is genuinely an epiphany for me!

Appending that one simple word, "fisherman", has opened the door to a whole world of proper, non-poncy, honest-to-goodness unfussy and unadulterated wooley jumpers!

I'm wondering whether this would work in other spheres of life...maybe, just maybe, if I know the right names for things, all my dreams will be answered!

knowing the right names for things is so* important.... and so says someone who's been trying to find some metal err.... fittings for attaching to leatherwork stuff... which are impossible to find, if one doesn't know what they're called

ahh.... I think you probably want a jumper like what I had... many decades ago... really thick wool... err... begins with an A.... really chunky knit err, sort of 'bumpy'.... and so* warm... how about pirate jumpers? just imagine!

Aran.

Yep, I think I'll get one of them, too. I've already got two Seán O'Casey hats, so I might as well go for the set. http://www2.liu.edu/cwis/cwp/library/sc/ilr/ocasey.jpg

If there's one thing, life has taught me, its that when your given lemonaid go buy gin. err.... OK, that was the wrong thing....... err...
if theres a second thing etc., etc., its go for the one, really* good item, rather than two less-good; so... IMO... buy the coolest bestisuts most perfectist aron one, rater than two or three, immmitations thereof err... there was some stuff about eels too, I think, but I still can't quite figure out how that relates to jumpers... so it probably doesn't

I think you should Google for a fisherman's friend.

All in good time...the fisherman's friend will come when I've got the fisherman's jumper.

Wear the fishermen's jumper, and the fishers of men, will come now... there's an idea