h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm going to record feast days of saints here. Not as any kind of religious observance, but because they usually have mad stories attached to them.

Today (3rd of September) is the feast of Saint MacNisse (although there are about five different ways of spelling it.

He was apparently baptised by St Patrick, Ireland's favourite imperialist. Among other wonders, he miraculously changed the course of a river so that his monks could get a drink of water. The trouts' opinion of this miracle has not been recorded.

There was also a child who was going to be executed, so he summoned up a magical wind that blew the kid away, and the executioner couldn't find him. At least that's a better miracle than interfering with trout.

He hung around County Antrim. There's a prayer about him that calls him the "Ireland enlightener".

It's probably taking him longer than he thought.

Thanks for this - I like saints, they're colourful, like Hindu deities.

From what I could find, his first name was Angus? I couldn't find a photo, though. Which might be because he died in the 6th Century. Or the internet is just lazy...

I think I remember someone mentioning that Richard Coles had put together a book of weird saints. Sounded quite a giggle.

4th of September: Gregory the Great.

John Calvin, in his infinite wisdom, decided that Gregory I was the last good pope, for whatever that's worth.

He fidgeted about with liturgy and the order of mass services, and established a lot if the framework for western Christianity. He was the lad the plainchant is named after.

He seems to have been fond of puns: he found two English slaves for sale, and decided they were "angels, not angles". So he bought them, trained them and baptised them. After this he got a bee in his bonnet about converting England. He was about to set of for England when a locust landed on his Bible. "Loco sta" means something like "stay in place" in Latin, so he didn't bother going and sent someone else.

As far as mad stories go, there are more written by him than about him. His "Dialogues" are a fascinating, mad series of tales about ghosts, demons, corpses running about the place, and much more. Like the one about the nun who had to be exorcised because she forgot to bless her dinner, and acc

4th of September: Gregory the Great.

John Calvin, in his infinite wisdom, decided that Gregory I was the last good pope, for whatever that's worth.

He fidgeted about with liturgy and the order of mass services, and established a lot if the framework for western Christianity. He was the lad the plainchant is named after.

He seems to have been fond of puns: he found two English slaves for sale, and decided they were "angels, not angles". So he bought them, trained them and baptised them. After this he got a bee in his bonnet about converting England. He was about to set of for England when a locust landed on his Bible. "Loco sta" means something like "stay in place" in Latin, so he didn't bother going and sent someone else.

As far as mad stories go, there are more written by him than about him. His "Dialogues" are a fascinating, mad series of tales about ghosts, demons, corpses running about the place, and much more. Like the one about the nun who had to be exorcised because she forgot to bless her dinner, and accidentally ate a very tiny demon who was hiding in one of her scallions...

He became very popular in England. They started making a fuss about him there before anyone in Rome made a big deal about him.

Beware of tiny demons in your seafood.

That 'angels, not Angles' story is ALWAYS included in first-semester Old English classes. Maybe that's where the Brits get their obsession with bad puns...

Thanks! I'll have to get hold of some of Gregory's tales. I wonder if he was a proto-contactee...?

I think I screwed up. Gregory the Great was yesterday, not today. Oh well, in sure he'll forgive me.

I'm sure he will.

every time I see the title of this thread I get an earworm... ("... of Stephen...")

There are a few different choices for today. Two of the "Vietnamese Martyrs", firstly. There aren't many funny stories about them, since the main reason for making them saints seems to have been the terrible tortures they experienced.

Torture wrecks my mood for funny stories a bit, no matter who it happens to, so I'll leave the other ones for today.

I agree. Those morbid Byzantine saints are the worst.

You could make up a story. St Obdulia of Toledo (Spain, not Ohio) has a feast day today. But the Catholic online thingy says, 'Her story has been lost.' This is sad.

Make up a humorous and edifying tale about St Obdulia.

I like the wee democratically chosen saints. I think it's the dissenter in me. There are all these saints in villages all over the place, who Popes, Archbishops, Defenders of Faiths, Patriarchs, etc, have never recognised. They've been recognised by a billion grandmothers, though, and no pope or emperor with a sense of self-preservation would argue...

I'm with you there. It's the local touch that makes it special.

I mean, we didn't have any saints - unless you count Lottie Moon, who was sort of a Baptist saint, and a great role model for mischievous schoolgirls (she was a Virginia hellraiser in her day), but I've always been fond of Cologne's saints: Saint Pantaloon (Pantaleon), Severinus, and the amazing Ursula and her 11,000 virgins in a boat...

Now look, I'm open to suggestions of different saints from different traditions, orthodox rites, from Anglican or Lutheran churches, but I don't want this journal running to 11,000 entries, Dmitri. Seriously.

(Besides which, I don't like the idea of martyrs anyway.)

I assume you're aware of our own roster of h2g2 patron saints A856596

My feast day is July 17th, known as Barrymas in the old tongue. I'm sure you'll remember when it comes round next year

Don't take this the wrong way, but this mightn't be the right journal for you, BG.
I don't want to discuss oppressed Texas atheists in this one.

Oh, it's not that. I just get driven half insane every winter by the incessant Chrimbo music. I get musicosis (earworms) from the ubiquitous holiday tunes.

Well, I'm sure there will be a thread within a week asking whether Christmas tunes have started too early. Unless you want me to start it already...?