h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There is a certain set of skills required for effective boss-management.

I won't say I'm a master of the craft, but I think it's fair to say I have a certain aptitude, and can claim a little achievement or two in the field, that I'm quietly proud of.

But holy ravioli, I think Colleague A is going to need a bit of coaching.

I think I'll start with "Lesson 1: Knowing When To Keep Your Mouth Shut...And when *not* to."

That should take up most of next week, but even if it takes up the next six months it will be time well spent!

After that I'll move on to lesson two. "Rewarding Good Behaviour: Boss-training By Positive Reinforcement".

But one step at a time!

Let us know how you get on. Sir.

I'm pessimistic...there's a voice in my head saying you can't teach someone common sense.

I'm finding it very hard to listen to people waffling, today - my mind's on more important things.

Because of this, I'm discovering something that should have been obvious long ago. Namely, not much that anybody says in here actually matters much of a damn to anything.

Most questions can be answered with a distracted "Aye........", and it seems to suffice.

And if a positive answer is in danger of committing to something, then there's always:

"Och, sure you know yourself..."

This latter is particularly useful, since it can mean "just use your own initiative", or it can imply agreement. Or it can imply a general disapproval of Things In General.

I wonder if I can make it til home time saying nothing except "och, sure you know yourself..."

with that. I wouldn't suggest that dealing with significant others though.

Yes, that's probably quite good advice. But for *in*significant others, though...

Can you train me too, as I hate it and never know what to do when they cock up.

Och, sure you know yourself!

Damn. This training isn't going well.

Some people should have to run every utterance past quality control before it goes public.

I'm going to let them tear themselves apart without getting involved, this time. As the Polish expression says, "Not my circus, not my monkey."

I'm not completely sure what that phrase suggests, but I like it. I'll have to use that phrase in a conversation soon.


"Not my circus, not my monkey!" Brilliant, (I think).



It reminds me of a phrase I heard on a job site near the Gulf Coast of Texas years ago one Summer afternoon during an afternoon rainshower when

Drat... hit post instead of cancel...

To continue, after one of the workers ran for shelter from a Summer rainshower, one of the old guys replied, "A chicken's eyes are only this [holds fingers rather close together] far apart and even IT knows when to get out of the rain."


The old man didn't claim to know exactly what that saying was meant to suggest, but it sure sounded like country wisdom.

Metaphors.

Do you know how boring they become when you ask for them to be explained?

That's what is great about that one. I don't think it can be explained.