h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Cos there's no-one in here

Panic gripped the streets of Aberdeen this morning when patches of sky took on an unusual blue colour and a ball of fire appeared above the city.

The phenomenon, known as 'The Sun', and commonly found in Mediterranean countries such as Greece and England, unleashed a terrifying heat and brightness upon the city, causing many ordinary Aberdonians to tear off their hats and scarves in mid July.

While most of the motorists were able to turn their headlights and wipers fully off, some feared that they would be scalded or blinded by 'The Sun's' intense radiation of heat and light.

Jack McConnell, speaking from a Sun-proof bunker lying deep under Aberdeen's King St. urged people to be calm and return to work as normal, stating: "We've seen this sort of thing before, it happened once In 1945 and we put it down to the war".

Fearing it could lead to a break out of cheerful, happy smiling he said "Don't worry it will never last, it can't. Our natural Siberian climate with its force 9's, ferocious chill factor and horizontal rain will soon put pay to these shenanigans. Aberdeen will soon be freed from this terrifying situation and we can all return to our natural drab, downbeat selves complaining all the time and being suspicious about everything."

No sooner had the apparition occurred, than a large, dark ominous cloud moved in from Ellon, covering the city and efficiently blocking out the horrible, dangerous sun.

The familiar horizontal driving rain made a welcome return and once again the cafe's along the sea front reinstated their usual metal shutters to protect themselves from the pounding they take as the sea crashes down to top of them in summer.

However, it still wasn't as cold, drab or depressing as Peterhead.

I hope you have Scots blood or they'll be after you with a claymore.

Actually it has been sunny outside. Spring is springing up all over, and the garden is calling. (A faint earthy voice rumbles, "Please, dig and plant, please.") Pollywogs are wiggling around in the frog pond, and teeny tiny fry are trying to dodge their parents in the fish pond. (Yes, we segregate our aquatic life, otherwise we'd have no frogs.) The fruit trees are in bloom, as is the strawberry patch, and the raspberry stalks are already a hand high. The collection of weeds and wildflowers we call a lawn is mostly green, save where numerous tiny purple flowers lend it a lavender hue.

the early morning sun hung low over the sound and made the swans and sailing ships shine so white i had to take a photograph immediately!

but alas, there was no more space available on my cell phone

You'll just have to save it in the squishy hard drive in your head.

I've spent enough time north of Aberdeen to know that's all so very likely to happen!

Good to see some of you have come back to your screens though

after a sprint from the beach to my computer.

I've always said to my colleagues, when we're out on exercise, and it's blowing a gale, freezing cold "This would be summer in Scotland".

Hey, when you get rain instead of sleet, you're grateful.



In fairness it's a nightmare in scot when it warms up - You get midged instead.

Damn midges! I blame 2legs

Evil things be the Scottish Midge. They've been genetically engineered to only attack foreigners as part of the Scots endless vendetta.

pah, you haven't seen a proper midge until you have been bitten by a norwegian midge, they are the size of sea gulls

Hm, it's the inhaling of them and finding them in ears and up noses that I find one of the worse things about scottish midges though You cannot get away from them

I usually get round them by bivvying high enough to remain unmolested . Trouble is the blighters are just wait for me till I come back down

what if you threaten to charge them for every bite?

They'll pay no attention - hiding behind the scottish parliament for economic matters, they are