h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So... There we were, poised and ready. Borrowed bass amp plugged in, soundchecked and ready to rock...


Bass intro, so I bang on the fuzz pedal and get on with it. I'm so sweaty i can barely move my hands fast enough, they are sticking to the guitar, damn. Knew I shouldn't have worn a fishnet top under this shirt... But it does help me look damn good... Wait. Oh crap, that wailing squeal that's cutting through my bass is the amp feeding back... Well, maybe it's not as loud to everyone else, and the band are playing so just keep it up, keep going, this bassline's tough, I really have to concentrate so stopping to adjust the amp is not an option, concentraaate! DONE! *stomps on pedal to switch it off quick* phew! Oh.. Cricket clap. Right, lets sort this amp out. *fiddle fiddle* sorry guys! *fiddle fiddle, test, ouch! NOT fixed! fiddle*. Right, where's the wee amp I usually use? Back of the stage? Sorry guys, gotta change amps...

... Amp changed, plugged in, no noise. Dammit, Ah, turned guitar volume down, right... OK... Nope, still feedback, is it ok once I start playing? Nope, ok, less gain (sorry Dirt!) right, I think it's ok so long as I dont switch the pedal on too soon...

Next song, not too bad, third song is a goodie! One of my favourites, called Green Welly Riots. But there's something wrong with the drums, what's going on? Keep it together... To the end...

"The bass drum's broke" comes the cry from the back of the stage... Ok, no panic, get the house kit's bass drum out, swap them over while Dirt sings his 'solo' song (a rousing and rather 'earthy' traditional sort of song about drinking too much.. Hopefully people will learn the chorus soon and yell along ) and the drums come back in towards the end... Best applause of the set so far, think we've nailed it! Next song goes horribly wrong... Guitarist got confused and played the next song *but one* without telling me, took me till halfway through to pick it up and I was rattled... (What song? What song? Not what it should be! What song? What song? Oh! That song! Ok, where are we? Is this the right verse? ARGH!) And I'm sweating even harder now, my left hand and arm's seizing up (the tendons are NOT up to this sort of hammering yet!) I'm losing my grip so I'm not playing hard enough, right arm's not sliding on my guitar for the strumming... It hurts where the skin's pulling, ow! Have to pull it together, now! Physical pain is NOT a good enough reason for stopping!

Couple of songs later and we're hitting our stride, a good cover or two (Last Caress and Egg Raid on Mojo if you must know )... But is it me or are we losing each other? I know I'm not loud enough to do my job (holding the guitar and drums together) but evidently they cant hear the singer either... Nope... The PA is coming and going on the right bank, I can hear fine but they cant, there's confusion and messy changes...

We end on a lukewarm Malicious Minds, relieved to have finished, relieved to be able to stop torturing the few people left, and ourselves...

At least that's one gig I never have to play again.

Play on Robyn! There's a whole load of us listen to you on here.

Some even trust you

you poor, poor s!

*takes out the earplugs*

Eh?

just wrap your Matt around your head Lil, it'll block out more noise

*sticks Matt's fringe in her ears*


it works!

DID YOU SAY SUMMAT?

*shakes head*

*points at you*?

*nods*

YES, THANK YOU!



*headbands gently*

Aww, that reminds me of my brother's ex-band's first gig. The singer got through 3 microphones as they kept breaking, they tried to do a medley but in the one secon pause after solo all their mates in the audience went wild so it became two half songs, and the drumkit almost walked off the stage.

>> *fiddle fiddle* sorry guys! *fiddle fiddle, test, ouch! NOT fixed! fiddle*. Right, where's the wee amp I usually use? Back of the stage? Sorry guys, gotta change amps..<<

Recognition at last!!! But I wasn't there! So how do I get the blame?

It's usually the drummers who get the blame...

'Definition of perfect pitch - Tossing a drum kit into a skip without hitting the sides!'

'How do you tell if a stage is level? - The drummer dribbles equally out of both sides of his mouth!'

Just go for it! You'll be great!



MMF

MMF!

We've had a succesful gig or two since then and we put it down to experience... I now have a more powerful amp thank Bob!

As nightmare gigs go, it wasn't the worst. Nobody got burned, electrocuted or broke anything so it's all good If that's as bad as it ever gets, I'll be a happy bunny!