h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I thought you were going to wait for me after the Cb closed, but you'd skedaddled.

Sorry about last night FLY,
Well you were talking to everyone about where you all lived,how close to one another etc.you all were; So I got my coat and left. As the door of the CB shut behind me,it started to rain. I pulled up the collar of my trenchcoat,and, head bowed against the driving rain, I walked dejectedly down the street..absentmindedly kicking out at a tin can that was in the gutter....Oh dear !!!! I was a man alone..........Then, almost silently a limo slipped to a halt beside me.In the driver's seat was this young busty, blonde girl, dressed, in what I could only describe as a rather revealing electric blue catsuit number...She breathed 'Can I give you a lift anywhere BIG BOY?'I trembled, unable to beleive my luck..I stammered'W-w-which w-w-way are you g-g-going? She gazed at me through half closed blue eyes, and mouthed 'Anywhere you are honey'!!
'What a coincidence' I exclaimed, 'So you're going to the chip shop in Bessie St. as well then?'
The tyres screeched as the limo accelerated down the rain soaked street away from me. Good job that she never gave me that lift. At the speed she was going we would have shot straight past the Jolly Frier, and there wouldn't have been another chip shop open at that time of night before you reached our house!

What questions have you asked that I have been reluctant to answer?

Speak to you again later.

Massive wotsits

Al

Oooooh
You

ARE funny, but I like you

I'm having all sorts of problems. Couple of days ago my digibox (Sky) ent on the blink. I have a good relationship with the shop and they always come straight away. It has been known they've brought me a new T.V. on a Saturday night so that I wouldn't miss the motor racing.
Well, young man brought the box back yesterday, set it going and before he was back at the shop it went off again.#Different young man came to-day, thinks it may be serious, damage caused by the thunderstorm we had last week, several people had their dig.boxes blown up.
Set it going again and same thing happened.
I'm going to get rid of Sky, but since I have a widescreen T.V., without Sky the pictures are distorted, everybody is short and fat.
Have to go and see them tomorrow,

Then, this evening the p.c. started playing up. In the paper they talked of thie "worm" and I went on the site where you can install this firewall etc.I've clicked on this and that and God knows what I've installed!!!

Can't remember now what I asked you before, maybe I'll havea scroll back later.

TCL phoned early to-night, normally he phones at 8-00 but he was invited to a concert of Gilbert & Sullivan music. I now still have all the washing-up todo.

Anyway, do we have the evening to ourselves now? Have you opened a bottle of red? I feel so uptight with all these problems, can you spare me a glass?

Let's find a quiet table in the corner and I'll try and think of those questions or maybe come up with a few new ones.

See you later

Hi FLY,

9.25..Are you still there.

Expecting a phone call before 10 to pick someone up from the city.

Al XX

Sorry FLY

I had to

Hugest wotsits

Al

Hi

Yes, I'm here, but I expect you've gone. Isn't it a pain that the phone is tied up when we're on the p.c.Goodness knows how many invitations to dinner we miss out on.

One question: I want to know when your birthday is. I have a book which tells you what you are!!!
TCL seems to be a sex-maniac or thereabouts. I'll try and find the book.

Don't know wherethis evening has gone, I've still got the washing up to do and I wanted to go to bed early. I had exactly 3 hours sleep last night, but feel wide awake!!

It;'sall this "worm" lark I spent so much time on.

See you soon.

Continued,

Well, it's 11-15, so no early night again. Don't you feel flattered that I'm thinking of you at this late hour?

Wanted to say: Why don't you tell that story on the CB? It's very funny.One thing, though, catsuits are to be avoided. As they are all in one piece they are very difficult to take off. I used to have one and if I wore it I couldn't visit the loo at all, it would mean taking the whole thing off.
Or, maybe, then again....

For my birthdayAccording to the book)
You're charismatic, clever and witty, and love challenges, debates and excitement. You have a writing talent worth cultivating. With your questioning spirit, you'll be drawn to many things, but could feel dissatisfied with your current circumstances.
Love: You rationalise even your deepest emotions. An intellectual relationship would be ideal, but you'll analyse things too much once you're settled. Your lover better stand up to your constructive criticisms.

The Cornish L.:
You're idealistic and passionate about life, always acting for the right reasons. A high achiever, you find yourself frustrated and stressed out by restrictions. You take on contentious issues as well as everybody else's burdens.
Love: You have a strong and insationable sex drive and love the thrill of the chase. You'll stay loyal to your lovers as long as they are true to you.

___________

So, there you are then. Now it's your turn.

Off to now. Who am I kidding? Still wide awake.

Hope you sleep well. Nighty night.

Hi Fly
First things first....Birthday November 28th

From what you tell me, your stars are not a million miles away from the truth are they?

Only you can say whether TCL's stars are correct or not !!(Full account of research would be appreciated...ha!ha!)

Catsuits...WELL, you've said it all !!!

Spent this morning doing some heavy digging...result..bad back!!When will I realise that I am no longer 25? One of our service users(aged 77) said that he would like to grow a few tomatoes. One thing led to another until we decided that perhaps a small garden would be a better idea, so I started to dig at the rear of our centre to create this small patch of garden. He was over the moon. He has lived in care for many years and unfortunately doesn't receive much in the way of personal attention. The patch that we decided would be in the best position re. sun/shelter etc. was the place where the builders of the centre buried the rubble rather than have a skip to take it away. Out of an area of approx. 10 yards square, I think that I have dug up enough bricks to construct a small dwelling....Hence the bad back. It was all worth it though to see his face when he could see it taking shape. He wants runner beans, potatoes, and of course tomatoes...plus we are all going to raid our respective gardens to find plants to fill in the bare bits and add a bit of colour etc.

Went out with the lads last night, but didn't carous...I was driving so had 2 pints of orange squash(with ice)You would find it hard to drink more than 2 pints of that.....Bottle of Argentinian Shiraz is awaiting despatch this evening!!!!Yummy !!

Must try and get into the boards this evening( although I have a horrible feeling that Mrs. Z has other ideas)...We shall see.

May see you later.

Biggest wotsits ever

XXX

PS Let me know what the stars say about me. I personally think that it is all a load of rubbish...but I'll be truthful if I think that it is correct. X

Hallo

You really are a very nice, kind man and I am very happy to know you. I MEAN that.

Actually TCL would do exactly what you're doing. He has a grandson who is in his twenties, with a mental age of about 5 and he spends hours with him trying to teach him to read. But nothing sticks...the next day he's forgotten everything. TCL worries because the parents don't seem to spend any time with the boy, but he loves his grandfather. All very sad. We forget to be thankful to be (more or less) sane, don't we?

Your stars: Not too bad, but I'm sure you won't agree to the last bit. Here goes:

You're full of contradictions. You're spiritual and kind, fun-loving and sparkling but can be materialistic and vain, harsh and unhappy. You hide your fears of following your emotions and letting them get in the way of your carefully planned life.

Love: You're in love with love and romance and often mistake lust for the real deal. You fall for people quickly-especialy if they're outwardly attractive- hoping they are the"one". You tend to stay in unhappy, painful relationships too long.

_____________

Don't know what you think, but I should say that goes for practically everybody.
Most people lead a life of quiet desparation, but we just don't get to hear of it. When we do, t always comes as a surprise. We think: "There, I could have sworn those two had everythng." But it's a rare thing, isn't it? Most people get into a "safe" relationship and are too scared to get out of it.
TCL often says about us: "We are so comfortable together" and I think: "Yes....Boringgggg".

There was nobody in CB just now and it's been quiet all day. may liven up later. I have to make my phone call to TCL at 8-00, that goes on strictly till 9-00, so I'llbe back in the CB by then.
Watch out for me???

Had a shopping morning with friend this morning. Bought nothing but a whole load of food. I have a 'fridge full of naughty things. Come and join me? I have opened a bottle of Chilean Cabernet Sauvignon. I had this one some weeks ago and found it tasted expensive, smooth, rich and mellow (like you).I've been buying it ever since.

Well, offto make my call now. Don't I'll be back. Tell me what you thought of the stars.

Hi FLY,
Just what I thought....TOSH !!
Let me see...Most of us are full of contradictions...How else would we be interesting? I really don't think that I am ever spiteful; although neither am I always kind !!!(contradictions?)NEVER materialistic,sometimes vain;but no more than most,and hardly ever unhappy.I honestly don't know about the emotions bit. Don't most people have to curb certain emotions because to give in to them may endanger something or somebody that you don't want to lose?I have been in this relationship with Mrs. Z for so long(almost 40 years)and been happy, so I can't comment on whether I stay in unhappy relationships too long.I can JUST about remember other relationships prior to Mrs. Z, where I kept them going because I didn't want to hurt the other persons feelings..But when you are so young I don't suppose that that is any indication of anything. Sorry to disagree with so much of your book FLY....I'm not being condescending when I say that I think women tend to beleive these things more than men...It does look condescending written down doesn't it? Sorry!!!

What 'brand' was your Chilean C/S?

I will look out for you in the CB...but may not speak in case we KILL the conversation..as usual.


Fondest things

Al XXXXXX

Hi,

I've had endless trouble getting back to this. Pooter is doing funny things.

Hope I didn't niggle you with those stars, I wish I hadn't done it now. As you say: Load of rubbish, we usually believe what we WANT to believe, that's all.
I didn't think any of it related to you, as far as I can tell, anyway. You seem the opposite to materialiastic, in fact, as you told me the reason you changed jobs.

As for the relationships bit, well, you are a very, very lucky man to have found such great love. It isn't very common, you know.Looking back on my marriage I now see that it was wonderful, but when my husband was still here I was often very resless and discontented. Life wasn't nearly exciting enough for me and he liked the quiet life. But he was a rock, the most dependable man you would ever find and I took that all for granted. I now realise that there are a lot of unreliable people about, I'd never thought of it before. I was so spoilt, so looked after and sheltered. It was such a warm feeling, but I just thought it was normal.

Still, there we are.
Didn't see you in the CB. Quiet, isn't it?
TCL wanted to see "Somerset Murders" so we stopped talking early.
I'll just go and have a look at the bottle of Chilean. Hang on:

I buy it in Somerfield, do you have one of those? It's called "35 South"
Cabernet Sauvignon 2003 and I've just noticed that the label says: Land of Passion and Fantasy. Didn't know Chile was like that, did you?

I now have such an uneasy feeling. Don't know why.

Have a good week-end. I have a fridge full of food and Formula 1 to look forward to.
See you soon.

Hi FLY,

Been trying very hard to contact you...no luck so far.

No worries re. the STARS. No offence meant or taken.

Don't worry..you can be as open as you like with me.

Will try again tomorrow.

XXXXX

Morning

I think all the problems last night lay with h2g2, I couldn't get on to it at all and I know you had the same trouble as me, getting that page telling us there was no room. What the hell are they talking about? Shows we know very little of this pooter-lark, but I don't really want to know all the ins and outs, do you?
It's like cars, I just want them to go, I don't really care how.

Glad you're O.K. about the stars. The reason I felt uneasy was that somehow it seemed as if it was ME that manufactured it all. I only copied the book, but, of course, since it was me who sent it to you, somehow you felt they were MY thoughts.

What a rubbish evening it was, wasn't it? And did you look into R2? It goes on and on. I expect now that Shellay is back, Tony Ferreiras will not be far behind,we'll see.

Dull and miserable here. Had intended to go to Farmers Market, but it's 9-38 and I'm still in my dressing-gown. Only wanted some flowers, but the ones I've got still are O.K. Thing is, I have to have fresh flowers in my house, it's a Dutch thing. People think it's extravagant, but I spend £5 a fortnight on them, no big deal, is it?

Grand Prix qualifying lunch time. I'll have a glass of lager and a sausage roll!

TCL phoned me at 10-45 last night to apologise for wanting to watch T.V. instead of talking to me, he thought the program had such a good write-up and it all turned out so much twaddle.

Hope you have a nice week-end.

May see you later.

Hi FLY
See your man Button is on the button....see what you've done to me: I have absolutely NO interest in F1 at all,yet I was pleased for you when I saw that he was..what was it?..fastest in practice?.Now you'll HAVE to look out for the Villa result this afternoon,. There is an outside chance that they can qualify for Europe this season, trouble is, they need to win both of the games left....and then....RELY ON THE BLUES BEATING LIVERPOOL, how ironic is that? Knowing them, they'll lose on purpose to stop our chances of Europe. GRRRRRRRR!!

The weather is dull and rainy here too, although they say that tomorrow will be dry, at least(have they ever been right yet!)

I didn't for one moment think that the stars thing was anything other than out of a book. You are a worrier aren't you ?

Hope your man wins tomorrow.

Good luck !!

Al XXXXXX

Hi

Well, it's all gone pear-shaped for Button. Apparently there was a gust of wind and it threw him sideways. Never happens to Schumacher. Sod it!!

Funny thing is, I always look out for Aston Villa now, although I've lost interest a bit in football.(I'm fickle). All I ever thought about Villa was that I didn't like teir colours!!!..
Yes I am a bit of a worrier, you should know by now.

Friend has come over now, she and her husband have offered to come with me to Garden Centre.
I'll finish this when I get back
Don't run away.

I'm back!!

I'd seen this birdbath at the garden centre but they wanted £20 to deliver it, so my friend and husband came along and somehow got it into the car. Set it up for me too, it looks lovely.

You said in your last post that I could open up with you, but every now and again I realise that you are not the only one reading my messages. It was brought to my attention the other day when somebody said: "You're lovely and so is Alzima. God bless you both" ????

I thought: "What's this then?" and it can only be that someone has been reading our messages. One forgets that it's not a one to one conversation. That's why some of us have got each other's e-mail nos and it feels a lot safer when you want to moan about certain people.

There's nothing doing in the CB just now and I think I'll get on with preparing my meal. I've got a rack of lamb and new potatoes, french beans and broccoli. I bought some ready-made desserts from M&S yesterday and they are horrible. Eaten one, but I'm not going to waste calories on the other one. Rather have a bar of chocolate.

Hope all your problems with the pooter are over too, it seems to havesettled down again now, doesn't it?

Rotten weather, heating full on, cosy indoors.

Enjoy the rest of the week-end.

Part Three : Sunday eve. 11-26

Wondered if you'd scrolled down toSat.evening on the CB. There was a lot more but it got modded, together with his thread complaining about it.

Are you O.K.? Time for my bed and book

XX

Hi FLY & all our many readers,

I had quite forgotten that we were not alone FLY. so I will keep our messages respectable.

........All of a sudden I can't think of anything to say !!!!!!...only kidding.

Did your man win?

My men didn't !

We still have a slight chance of European football(EUFA CUP)but in all honesty I don't think that it would be good for us if we qualify..I won't go into the reasons,I just don't think that we should.

I think that you are right re. SC/Tony whatsit: it is HIM come back to destroy us.This seems like a never ending record, but,Why do the regular posters even answer his stupid messages? PG seems to take the bait every time(have a word FLY )I must admit that I had to post tonight about the boringness(not a real word) of it all !Needless to say, my effort was not even acknowledged...serves me right for bothering.

Have been quizing tonight..came third. Feel rather tired after wine at lunchtime, and best bitter tonight,so I'll sign off now and speak to you tomorrow.

Stupendous Wotsits

Al XXXX

Hi

Yes, I know how you feel. Although we've never been anything BUT respectable, it is all rather inhibiting, isn't it?
It was Corrie who left that message to me, I don't know if she was giving me a bit of a reminder, she is very helpful, but I must say, I was taken aback.

I saw you on R2. I think there were too many threads going on at once, but a few people did answer you.

The CB was empty almost all day. I seriously considered giving up the boards, I could be curled up with a good book, rather than sitting here blinking at a screen which says nothing new.

Been to my Book Group this afternoon. There are six of us, 4 of which are school-teachers. One of them treats us as if we are in her class and points at us in turn to answer her questions. Good thing I'm there without anybody who could catch my eye to start me giggling. I spoke out of turn and was told: "I'll come to you later'. We hadto explain what we liked most about a certain book. By the time all the others had had their say and the finger pointed at me, it had all been said.

Was gardening for 3 hours yesterday and cut the grass just now when I came back.
I'm listening to Johnny Walker while writing this and can't keep my mind on what I'm doing. Nothing new there then!!

Yes, it goes on and on on R2 doesn't it and that's without anybody mentioning the disgusting chat of Sat. evening. And he wonders people leave the board.
PG quite likes a good argument and I know how she feels. You get so irritable with him that although you mean to ignore him, there comes a time when enough is enough. And you can't keep quiet any longer. And she is very good at it, isn't she? If I was as eloquent as she is I would have a go myself.

It seems we're stuck with him forever, as he's not going to pack it in,is he? What a sick man he is.

I saw Villa had drawn, so you were not too disappointed? The Grand Prix was very boring and I was reading the paper in between.

TCL is giving hints about coming over. I was saying that aheavy plant needs moving and he said: "Put it on the list" (jobs to do), but I haven't reacted.
POWER!!!

Must go and cook my dinner now, may see you later.

Some time later

Saw your post just before closing. I had off to do an e-mail. What a busy life.
See you. Sleep well.