Journal Entries
What the heck happened anyway???
Posted Apr 26, 2005
My word - hardly offline for a weekend and everything's in havoc...
Well, firstly, for those who were wondering who U623736 was, I was wondering that too, when I suddenly realised it was me!
In short, I was got by the 
.
But news travels pretty fast around here, so you probably know that already...
In other news...
My keyboard arrived on Sunday!!!
I've decide to give her a name... *grins* - I'm calling her Ron.
She's a Yamaha, and my favourite motorbike is the Yamaha R1 (R one), and I didn't want to call her Rone (sounded too much like drone *erm*), so Ron she is...*laughs*
Discuss this Journal entry [128]
Latest reply: Apr 26, 2005
Anybody out there???
Posted Apr 22, 2005
Why the hell is life like this???!!!
It slaps me all over all the time.
I couldn't even distract myself.
I tried, yes. I went at 11pm to make crumpets the other night. Ended up with a pan of boiling oil down my front.
Last night, felt like s***, I'm sick of people not accepting me for who I am, I can decide what I want to like, who I want to like, why I want to like them.
So I slashed myself up pretty bad, hit a main vein (by accident, I swear), passed out, woke up later (thank goodness I have this stupid heart thing where it doesn't beat fast...), looked at the mess I'd made, tried to clean it up, threw up, had to clean that up too, cried myself to sleep (damn I hate being so alone!!!), woke up - life hadn't got any better.
Went shopping this morning - not even that helped. It never does anyway. I just go into a place with a lot of people so that I can't hurt myself - didn't work this time. Got home just now. Came on here.
Will cry myself to sleep again tonight. I know that coz I'm crying now and I can't stop.
By nature I don't listen to Avril Lavigne.
But here she's said it pretty well.
Nobody's Home...
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.
What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
She's lost inside, lost inside...
She's lost inside, lost inside...
Discuss this Journal entry [313]
Latest reply: Apr 22, 2005
What a way to spend a birthday...
Posted Apr 17, 2005
Especially a 21st.
Well…here is how my day’s been going so far…
Was rudely woken up from a very nice sleep (involving a dream about me, someone else and a bottle of chocolate sauce
) at 6:30am because my gran decided to phone me “nice and early” to wish me happy birthday…
Conversation follows:
Gran (bright-eyed and bushy-tailed): Happy birthday dear!
Me (mumbled and sleepy): Thanks Gran…
Gran: It sounds like you’ve just woken up! Did I wake you?
Me: Yes Gran…but it’s alright…
Gran: Oh dear, I’ve been up since eeeeeeeearly this morning already. Why are you still in bed?
Me: Coz it’s Sunday and it’s only 6:30!
Gran: When I was your age…*and so she continues*
Need I say more?
Any way, that call ended a while later and I rolled over, pulled the blankets closer, and proceded to drift back into dreamy chocolate sauce oblivion…
Phone goes again…(why did my folks put such a piercing ring on it???!!!)
My dad brings me the phone again – It’s one of my mates also wondering why the heck I’m still in bed. I’m wondering why the heck she’s up so early! I pointed out to her as well that it’s Sunday morning and STILL not even 7am! Her excuse was that her boyfriend and her had been up at 5 coz he had taken her to Breakfast Rock to watch the sunrise…No wonder she was in such a good mood when I know full well she’s NOT a morning person!!!
Chatted to her for a while – Friends are people I never mind talking to, no matter what the time is!
Finish conversation, roll over again – accidentally kick the cat at the end of my bed…she sees this as her cue to attack the offensive object and she launches herself at my leg…*tussle with cat ensues…*
The cat won…I moved aside and let her have her spot back…*sighs*
~And valiantly she pursues her quest for more sleep…~
Only to have the brother land on her bed…
“Al, can’t you aim for a place on my bed that does NOT have me in it???”
He grins like an idiot and points out that if he hadn’t landed on me, I probably wouldn’t have woken up… As if I was sleeping!!!
~Gives up on sleep and stumbles out of bed.~
Later that same morning…
There’s me, running up the stairs about to take the last step…
There’s my cat (again!!!) running down the passage about to turn the corner and come down the stairs…
We arrive at the top at the same time, only going in different directions…
I take the last step…
Cat tries to dive between my legs to get down the stairs…
Legs are closing fast…
I see the cat too late…
She gets squashed…
I miss the last step as a result…
Arms flailing wildly, I try grab the railing to stop myself from plummeting back down…
~We interrupt this broadcast to let you know of events that occurred yesterday which will aid your understanding of what follows: The very SAME person, was going down the stairs and like the klutz she is, tripped over herself… no comment. She grabbed at the railing too…and it came right off the wall. 
She only sustained minor bruising as she did not fall that far, however, her father didn’t think it so urgent to re-attach the railing immediately…broadcast continues…~
But alas! The railing is not there!!!
Result: I fell down the stairs, backwards and head first…
The stairs turn a corner…I didn’t.
Instead my head made a thud as it hit the wall, and I blacked out…
Woke up a few minutes later and guess where I was???
Still lying backwards on the stairs with my head against the wall 
No one had heard anything!
Not surprising since my parents were arguing (as usual…I only wish they could have stopped that for just today!
) and my brother was pulling matrix moves and shooting bad guys in his computer game.
My cat, however, was sitting there looking at me with one of those “I+didn’t+have+anything+to+do+with+how+you+got+there” kind of looks.
Dragged myself to my feet and went to assess the damage…
I have long red scratches down my back from the stairs, a lump the size of Jupiter on the top of my head, several deep gashes across my hand (where it hit the broken metal stubby-thing that was where the railing was supposed to have been)
And way too many bruises to count all over me.
Might I add too, for Arthur Dent’s sake, that I also received a nasty bruising to my upper arm…
So I decided to check my email hoping that could cheer me up…but alas!!!
…IT’S EMPTY TOO!!!!!
*sulks*
So, that is how I am so far spending my 21st birthday…
Don’t you just wish yours was like this too???!!!
Discuss this Journal entry [201]
Latest reply: Apr 17, 2005
"I'm out of my tree, you see, I have been touched by insanity..."
Posted Apr 16, 2005
I turn 21 tomorrow... I just thought I'd share that bit of useless information with you.
Discuss this Journal entry [168]
Latest reply: Apr 16, 2005
Is life supposed to be like this???
Posted Apr 13, 2005
As you know, I went away for 5 days.
As you can see, I'm back.
And I've landed back in reality with a nasty bang... Oh well, they say all good things always come to an end.
It feels like my whole time away was just a very short, but lovely dream...
Heck, now I've woken up and have to face all this **** again!
Story of my life...
And then people wonder why I'm messed up...
And tell me to get over it...
As if they know what the hell I'm going through!!!!!
When they actually know sweet blow-all about anything!
Anyway, that's besides the point.
I re-did my personal space...
I figured it was about time since that other one was my original and had never been updated.
It's done now.
I haven't got through all the blog yet from when I was away, so if you think I'm ignoring you, I'm not. 
My life is so buggered up.
I'm so frustrated.
No one else is online!
"But I'm ten seconds from a nervous breakdown,
Ten seconds from losing my mind,
Ten seconds you don't wanna be around..."
I just don't get it. Don't ask what "it" is, coz I cannot really answer that either...
There's too friggin' much that I can't answer!
Is life REALLY supposed to be like this???
Discuss this Journal entry [252]
Latest reply: Apr 13, 2005
Back to Laudatortemporisacti - RIP TB Falsename, I will always love you. :'-('s Personal Space Home
Laudatortemporisacti - RIP TB Falsename, I will always love you. :'-(
Researcher U623736
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