h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ok, right, before I start this, I'm going to tell you all not to laugh.
I repeat: Do NOT laugh!
It is NOT funny!

I fractured my butt last night - well, my cocsix at least, you know, the bone in my bum...

It all started off with the weather...

Once apon a time, in a far away land (well it is far away to you lot), the weather changed...
*sinister music starts playing*
*the wind starts howling*
*it begins to rain*
*thunder rumbles can be heard*
*a dinosaur roars in the distance*

Ok right......

Enough with all the drama and special effects!

Basically it was cold outside and I was freezing, so I wanted to switch the aircon off - it's controlled by a central unit-thing, but they can be turned off in each room seperately, so I figured I'd do just that.

Problem is I couldn't reach the switch coz it's right at the top back of the aircon, but I know its there coz Helen (scary big butch nurse) turned it off once before for me.

So, very clever me decides "I'll get a chair and switch it off myself!" Coz I was really cold and I didn't see any nurses around. Besides, it feels really stupid being male and having to call a female to come and do stuff for you when you're perfectly capable of doing it yourself.

Got my chair, stood on it, reached over to find the switch, found several, chose the one that I thought was correct, but the damn thing wouldn't stay up. So clever me decides it's obviously being like a kettle (you know when you've boiled the kettle and use the water immediately, then fill it up and try to boil it straight away again and the kettle thinks "But dude, I just boiled that!", but you know it hasn't, so you've got to hold down the switch for a bit and then the kettle realises that it is different water in there that is actually cold and it does in fact need to boil it, so then it starts doing its thing and you can let the switch go? You've never had that before and have no clue what I'm talking about, do you? Oh well, I tried...), so I decided to hold the switch up for a bit.

Clearly however, that was NOT the correct switch at all! In fact, the switch wasn't very happy with me either, so it sent a few volts through my arm, which caused one of those I believe I can fly... moments, after which I landed very very hard on my bum.
And that hurt like HELL!!! Yes, capital HELL!!! with all those exclamation marks too.

Anyway, I got up with my beloved bum in excrutiating pain and (now how embarrasing is this!) I called the nurse. Luckily Blondie is still on leave, otherwise she would've had a lot to say about this. Anyway, Helen came and I could see she was trying not to laugh, but I was too sore to care anyway.

So I went for xrays. My god that was the worst! You try standing there while a strange machine moves around your nether regions looking right through you AND taking photos! My god, it felt like a freaky kind of porn I was modelling for!

And it turns out I had fractured my cocsix. Not too badly - apparently it's just a little fracture, but it still hurts like hell. Everything is still in tact, it's really just a hairline crack on the bone.

The docter said there's nothing they can actually do for it - I mean it's not like they can strap a plank to my bum to keep it straight or anything like they do with legs and it's impossible to put me in plastercast (although that would look rather funny).

So the only solution is for me to sit very carefully for the next few weeks on a donut cushion until it's better. A DONUT cushion!!! My god, and I thought those were only meant for old men with bowel problems!
And I have to carry it around with me if I walk around at all in case I get tired and need to sit down somewhere.

Ok I'm going for a walk now.
*clutches his donut cushion tightly to him*


















































Ok, alright - you can laugh now!

*'s round the corner where he can't be seen and *

You're just jealous coz I have a donut cushion and you don't!
*hugs his cushion even tighter*

You poor baby that's not funny at ALL!

(I did it about 6 years ago, and yes, it hurts like HELL!!)



BEG

awww, poor thing.




PS pregnant women use donut cushions too

Awww thanks hunny
And it's HELL!!! with three exclamation marks.

Blimey. Raven, mate, are you sure you're not just attempting the most protracted suicide, bit by bit, that the world has ever seen?

It does, indeed, hurt like HELL!!!

ouch. Atleast nothign else got damaged...like your head

BE CAREFUL.Mind you...I fell off my boyfriend's bed the other day and managed to bang my head against the edge of his computer. Think I gave myself a very mild concussion. Suffice to say my boyfriend wasn't impressed...particularly as five minutes later I peered out his window, didn't realise there was glass there and banged my heada gainst the glass...

Protrasted suicide? No, not me.

As for not seeing the glass there - I've done that too before.*nods*

Poor Raven .....

Ever heard of karma??

As ye sow, so shall ye reap .... have you been a "pain in the butt" to anyone?

He went and told his whole family

And his flatmates.

sorry!

???
!

I sympathise Raven, I've done it too and it does hurt llike hell

I sympathise and I've never done anything that stupid

That's nice of you.
Sorry for that Raven, sounds really painful. And only a very tiny little bit funny.

Traveller in Time flying without sparks
"I suddenly do not like the hospital anymore

First thing is they have no decent safety for the 'reachable' electric applyances. You should have never been able to catch a shock inside a hospital !

Second thing is the examination, any serious damage would have been visible with UltraSound instead of X-rays. By the sound of a moving device you have had a tomoscan, the way to catch the highest dose in one go. But it was also in the hip region, the body part with the highest density, requiring a high penetrating beam

Any signs of a glowing bum in the dark jet ? "

Raven, you clutz! You're not doing very well are you?

I didn't laugh* because that is really HELL!!! pain (I know, I did it, too, many moons ago)
















*well not out loud anyways

We had double glazed windows in the hotel room and Polly banged her head on them every time she tried to look out. It didn't matter how many times she did it, it was still funny every time! Mind you, there was an awful lot of drinking being done.

I wasn't drinking...