Journal Entries
An ode to the haggis
Posted Jul 28, 2004
The haggis is a monstrous beast,
for he neither walks nor waddles,
and frenzied by his mating urge,
he cannae fly,just toddles.
He toddles over hill and moor,
and toddles through the heather,
A'singing o' his mating song,
in every kind of weather.
At last his search is ended,
O'how he starts to preen,
A hen haggis has caught his een'
a maid o'sweet seventeen.
You'll marry me the haggis says,
O' my she says,this is sudden,
for ye see am going
steady noo'
Wi' a great big mealy pudden.
"Stick tae yer ain",the haggis says,
the pudden has nae conscience,
He'll make you spicy promises,
but they're only stuffed wi' nonsense.
"You'll marry me!" the haggis says,
my love I'll give for keeps,
and soon you'll hear the patter of tiny haggis feet.
"That does the trick",the haggis says,
my love to you I'll give,
but just one final question,
"Where are we going to live?".
"A place to live!",the haggis says,
O' that's nae bother ata'
for by this time tomorrow night',
You'll be piped into Lauder Haw'
Discuss this Journal entry [23]
Latest reply: Jul 28, 2004
The bee from the old town of Effen
Posted Jul 28, 2004
Just outside Ecclefechan,just nine hundred and twenty two and a half miles outside Ecclefechan in fact,in France,lies the sleepy little town of
Effen,(the curative qualities of whose honey is renowned all over the civilised world-and in Glasgow!).
The very extraordinary bees which produce this honey are not unnaturally referred to as "Effen bees" in and around the town whose quaint architecture is marred by the factory in its
centre,where half the population are employed in the manufacture of Gendarmes truncheons or,as the French choose to call them,policemans batons.
He kept bees in the old town of Effen
An Effen beekeeper was he
And one day this Effen beekeeper
Was stung by a big Effen bee!
Now this big Effen beekeeper's wee Effen wife
For the big Effen polis she ran
For there's nobody can sort out a big Effen bee
Like a big Effen polisman can!
This big Effen polisman he did his nut
And he ran down the main Effen street
In his hand was a big Effen
baton
He had big Effen boots on his feet!
The polis got hold of this big Effen bee
And he twisted the Effen bees wings
But this big Effen bee got his own back
For this big Effen bee had two stings!
Now they're both in the Effen museum
Where the Effen folk often come see
The remains of the big Effen polis
Stung to death by the big Effen bee!
That's the end of that wee Effen story
"Tis an innocent wee Effen tale
But if you ever tell il it in Effen
You'll end up in the old Effen jail!
Discuss this Journal entry [6]
Latest reply: Jul 28, 2004
Memories?
Posted Jul 21, 2004
Oh,where is the Glasgow where I used to stay? White,wally closes done up wi' pipe clay.
Where you knew everybody,first floor to third,and to keep your door shut was considered absurd!
Where are the weans that once played in the street?
Wi' a jorrie,a peerie,a gird wi' a cleek.
Can they still cadge a hudgie,or dreep aff a dike? play hunch cuddy hunch,kick the can,and the like?
And where is the wee shop where I used to buy,
a quarter o' tatties,a tuppenny pie?
A bag o' broken biscuits,a wee sodie scone,
And the wummin aye asked "Hows yer ma gettin oan?"
Where is the Tallies,that I knew so well?
That wee corner shop,where they used to sell,
Hot peas,a macallum,ice cream in a poke,
you knew they were Tallies the minute they spoke!
And where is the cludgie? that cosy wee cell,
the string fae the cistern,I remember it
well!
Where I sat wi' a caunle,an studied the rags,
a win
for the auld firm,a loss for the jags!
Where is the tramcar that once did a ton?,doon Great Western road,on the ol' Yoker run!
The conductress aye knew how tae deal with the nyaff "If yir gaun,well,comoan,if yir no,well gittaff!"
I think o' the days o' my tenement
hame,
we've goat fancy hooses,but they're jist no the same!
I'll swap yer gizunders,flyovers and jams,
for a tuppenny ride
on the auld Partick trams!
Gone is the Glesga that
I used to
know,
Big Wullie,wee shooie,the steamie,the co !
The shilpit wee bachle,the glaikit big dreep,
yer ba's on the slates, and yer gas in a peep!
These days wurnae rosy,and money wis tight,
the wages aw finished by Setterday night!
But still we came through it and weathered the ruts,the reason was simple,our parents had guts!
Discuss this Journal entry [13]
Latest reply: Jul 21, 2004
Anagramitis
Posted Jul 4, 2004
As your no doubt
aware I decided enough is enough regarding Anagramitis.I apologise
sincerely (with one exception of course) to all concerned.My thanks go to all the geniune people
who tried desperately to overlook the chat thread, and played the game well! I really got a good kick out of playing sometimes,based on knowing people were enjoying something I had created.Anagramitis was a first for h2g2! For that alone I stand
proud!
As you know anyone still subscribed will probably be able to carry on posting to the threads,for how long is anyones guess !
Thanks again,
Artisan
Discuss this Journal entry [4]
Latest reply: Jul 4, 2004
)O:
Posted Feb 10, 2004
Hi friends as you are no doubt aware some selfish people have put us digibox users off-line.I shall sincerely miss every one of the community I have had the pleasure to meet or chat with.The legacy of my little anagram game goes to Alleycat because I simply wont be here very often..so keep it up Alley.Have fun,until next time,
Artisan
Discuss this Journal entry [6]
Latest reply: Feb 10, 2004
Artisan
Researcher U516124
Write an Entry
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."