h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Enter a scruffy pair of legs with a person attached above the shorts*
Sorry I'm late - got the wrong directions and I missed the bus... Where are the drinks?

Ooooh, Bluebottle, my fwiend *best Eccles impression, fails miserably, but at least he tried *

Well, how is every body. And now for the all important question, what are you drinking.

A double wotsit on the rocks with an extra thingy please

A special it is then.

*start juggling with spirit bottles in that Oh so familiar way*

Ooooh...

Aaaaah....

*grins expectantly*

*Reaches for blow torch, just to add that little edge to of danger*

Good this in'it.

*Gets out video camera*

This is fun!

Don't point that thing at me.

*misses vodka bottle*

OOOOPPPPPPSSSSS

*drops blow torch*

*closes eyes tight in anticipation*

*vodka bottle smashes on floor, and the contents splash all over the place*

*blow torch lands in the biddle of vodka pool*

Thank god I didn't light the retched thing.

*mops up spillage from the floor in a particularly grungy looking corner of his towel, and wrings it out over the waiting open mouths*

Hmmmn...

*takes a drop himself*

Chateau Watford Gap, 1975 vintage?

That's strange, I bought the vodka last week. You must be talking about talking about the varnish.

Why, of course!

Nothing like a good jar of semi-matt 1975, wouldn't you say old bean?

I think I'll stick with the private stock of Glenfidich, if you don't mind.

Whisky Galore!

OH alright then have a bottle.

I think I might be too young to drink...
*stares at bottle longingly, and takes a sip. Thinks "This is nice". Takes bottle, but accidently slips over puddle on the floor, soaking myself with vodka. Am helped up by helpful man, with cigar in his mouth. Cigar ignites the vodka...*
YOU ROTTEN SWINE YOU!!! YOU HAVE DEADED ME AGAIN

*walks in in full victorian mourning dress, ankle length black veil and the works. sits next to the bar*

Enough alcohol to drink myself into oblivion please barman. :*-(

Here you go Miss Loch *hands large whisky over*

Get that down you, it will make you feel better..

I doubt it ..... but thank you anyway Sid. :*-(

Having a bad day lochie, here have a new cocktail I have invented. It goes by the name of Consciousness Leaving.

Do tell all by the way.