h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Very well, thank you. *munches another carrot* Lochangel says hello, by the way...

How's your night vision EV. And I won't like it if you start saying "What's up Doc?"

Who said that? *removes spectacles* Oh, Vestie, it's you. Sorry, can't see a damn thing with these glasses on. I should take them off when I've got my contact lenses in.

You haven't been involved in abusing your body with those computer screens again have you? You're meant to blink every few seconds or your eyes fall out.
* Aside - Did you ever read Don Martin cartoons in the Mad books? He had a bloke in the optician who when put in fron the eye chart was able to hit the big letter A with his contact lenses by blinking his eyes.*
So DON'T point them at me.

*blink* No. *blink* But I have one treasured copy of Mad *blink* from about 1983 *blink* which parodies the Star Wars prequels *blink* and as such has just become very topical. *blink* *blink*

*dodging all over the place avoiding projectile contact lenses*
Hey, those things sting! How many can you fit in each eye anyway?

28, at last count. *blink* I know it says "disposable" on the box, but I hate to throw anything away. *blink*

Ouch! Mind out you nearly hit the ferrets!

*blink* Sorry. *blink* That's an idea... are any of the ferrets short sighted? *blink*

They all are. None of them can tell one end of a sausage from the other.
Aha. Maybe we have found a use for the knee high contact lenses we now find ourselves in.
How many packets did you use?

I've no idea, they've all come out and I can't see anything.

Here try one of mine - it's quite clean I got the ferret to lick the muck off.

Oh, thanks. Hey, what's that on the ground? *Bends down to pick something up* I think I've found an atom. They're very good, these contact lenses.

I'm back, Whats going on. EV your eyes look a little odd.

Oh, hello. Look, I've found an atom. *Holds out hand with nothing visible in it* See?

Yes, um, perhaps you should see vestie in his professional capacity.

You don't believe me, do you? It's funny, but since I started wearing Vestie's contact lens, I suddenly find myself with astonishing eyesight. Here, you can hold the atom if you like. Careful though, don't break it.

Where is that mushroom cloud smiley when you need it.

I've no idea, I can only see close up now.

Well you better look after the atom, if you give it to me we may all end up playing harps.