Journal Entries
26th March 2002 part 3 - what is love?
Posted Mar 27, 2002
What is love?
It seems to me that in the eyes of people, a teenager is incapable of knowing love. Why? Are teenagers too pumped full of hormones to be able to distinguish love from lust? Or are we just too inexperienced -- or stupid - to know? What line must be crossed so that adults no longer look upon a couple and proclaim - inside - "puppy love"? (And what arrogance in me proclaims the same in others my age, but resents it when it is proclaimed about me?)
It also seems to me that people mistake the tingles of infatuation, the ache of animal lust, and being interested as love. Mmm, I think no. Personally I believe that love is not as much basic hedonism and a desire to use a person to fulfil one's sexual needs as caring about a person to the extent that their happiness is a prerequisite for one's own. To me, love is the feeling of contentment just to be around a person, present when even all emotion is lost, because love is not an emotion. It is not chemical. It is a part of the soul. It is deeper.
And I love James. 
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Latest reply: Mar 27, 2002
26th March 2002 part 2
Posted Mar 26, 2002
... hmm.
Added link to picture of me to space. Just because...
Went to 2 banks with mum, mum's friend in Barclays says I should aim to do something in languages, if I'm good at them, because there is good money in languages. I don't know what to do exactly; but lately I have been thinking that psych is not an area for me after all. I can see myself being disturbed by it. And I think the only reason I want to have anything to do with psych is because of my past (SI.. researching SI and psych stuff eg. BPD, DID). So yeah. I'll probably do what I actually want to do, and take German at uni or something. That really does mess up my plans though. I had the next 10 or so years of my life planned out but now I have changed my mind. Euch. I guess it's probably better this way.
There was some weird guy picking up rubbish from the ground on the Promenade, who came up to my mum and asked her if she was Chinese.
"No"
"Well, you see, I want to find a Chinese doctor."
"There are Chinese people in the Regent Arcade upstairs. Why do you want to see a Chinese doctor?"
"I've been having stomach problems... and I've been getting strange headaches."
"Oh."
"are you from Indonesia? Because my ex-girlfriend was Indonesian"
"No. I'm from the Philippines."
"Oh really? Very nice!"
"Your girlfriend is from Indonesia?"
"Well she's not my girlfriend anymore, because she went back to Indonesia to marry her fiancé."
"Oh, I see."
"Thank you..."
Has the world always been like this, and I've just been too wrapped up in myself to notice?
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Latest reply: Mar 26, 2002
26th March 2002
Posted Mar 26, 2002
I've reached 2000 mp3s! yay 
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Latest reply: Mar 26, 2002
25th March 2002
Posted Mar 26, 2002
Went to see Blues Brothers tribute thing at the Everyman.
2 more days.
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Latest reply: Mar 26, 2002
23rd March 2002
Posted Mar 23, 2002
I'm a little tipsy on Bailey's (mmmm) so forgive any typing errors! I'm not that tipsy so there shouldn't be too many.
Well I had a nice day! A nice long sleep, got out of bed when I wanted to - about 11am. Went out in the afternoon to buy some more FISH! For our aquarium that is. We got some littluns, I can't remember their names. We got six of them. They're pretty small (about an inch long), and in the light their scales shine green but otherwise they look blue. They've got pretty tails. I wanted to get some guppies but apparently the other fish we already have would bite their beautiful fins and tails off, the little buggers! 
My mum and I are contemplating starting a new aquarium, for marine fish. I'd love to get some anemones and starfish, and - above all - I'd love some perculas (they're beautiful little things, stripy with bright white and red, black or yellow). If we did, that'd be in the far future. Of course there are the issues of money, space, and the amount of work (the water has to be kept at a pH of between 8.1 to 8.3 - what we have at the moment is just the usual 7; and also it has to be at a certain salt concentration), and who would look after them when I go to uni (my mum and my cousin with 2 fish tanks?).
My mum and I are also redesigning our dining room, as it is faily ugly at the moment (was decorated by my dad's first wife about, uh, 20 years ago at least). It is currently BROWN. Ew. As in, *ew*. We're probably going to get some Laura Ashley interior designers in to have a look and recommend some stuff. Apparently Laura Ashley's interior designer people consult for free! 
That's kind of shocking, but I guess they make enough money anyway (the place isn't exactly cheap). Anyway, we're thinking maybe dark pink, or dark blue. Probably dark pink.
I'm also going to change the light in my room for a starry one. I can't really explain it. It's a star-shaped lantern, 23cm diameter, made of dark metal.
I also got an email from a Bulgarian girl. My German teacher asked for our email addresses once, and we gave them to her, trusting. But what did she do? Nothing but PASS THEM ON!! Gah. Then again, she passed them on to some "young people of the world" thing (or at least the Bulgarian girl called it that) which links children to foreign children, to help them practise that language. So my new Bulgarian friend (Maria) is learning English. She seems quite nice. I just hope my German teacher gives us some e-mail addresses of people soon so I can torment them too. 
My German GCSE starts in 8 and a half weeks. I'm quite afraid! My French one starts just after. I yesterday bought some books for revising vocab (which is my weak point - or at least, genders are my weak point) but I haven't had a chance to look at them yet. Njan is away for a while next week so I'll have some evenings free to revise.
I also bought "Veronika Decides to Die" by Paulo Coelho. It's a sad story, of a girl who decides to overdose on sleeping pills. She wakes up in a mental hospital to find her heart is damaged beyond repair (funny, I would have thought it'd be her liver!). It seems a good read, though Veronika's outlook on life is very pessimistic. If I didn't have Njan, I'm sure it'd have driven me to be suicidal too.
Love,
- Lisa.
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Latest reply: Mar 23, 2002
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