Posted Sep 17, 2002
It's a little difficult for me to leave h2g2 so abruptly, without explanation, thanks, or real goodbyes.
Here I am at 12am on a school night (morning?) because I clicked the wrong button on my browser bar and felt compelled to finish this off.
h2g2 has been wonderful. I came here in July 99, I think it was, when I was still a little thing. Now I'm 15, and although still a little thing, I am a bigger little thing, with so much more behind me - a considerable amount of this being a direct result of my joining h2g2. I, of course, met some fantastic people here, and a number of these people changed my life drastically, even those I never properly spoke to. (Vegiman once said to me something along the lines of "enjoy your youth, it won't last forever, and you'll look back and wonder where it went". I think about that every day.)
I also made some big mistakes on h2g2! I guess I lost a few good friends from being here, but that's just how life is.
Now I come to my reasons for leaving this place. I am not leaving because of Njan, whatever anyone may think, although things that occured between him and me may have caused me to abandon h2g2 for a while. I am leaving because I have changed. If you were to take a look at my journal entries here for the past year and a half, you would be reading about a person whose soul (and body, oftentimes) had been shattered. Now - I can't even remember that person; I can't relate to the madness I described in those entries although I know that every word was true. In part, I am leaving because h2g2 holds a lot of recorded memories from that bad period of my life. But mostly, I have simply moved on, as people do, and do so often.
I can still be contacted, of course. Go on, you know you want to, I'm nice now! (Side note: I'm REALLY gonna miss these smileys.)
My [spammable] email address is [email protected], and any other contact information can be found at my website which is at http://www.lisathefreak.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk.
Well, I must bring this to a close, it is now 12.15am. I give special thanks to those who were kind to me, and those who passed a word in here and there.
Goodbyes to everyone and everything, and should any old friends of mine read this whose paths will never again cross mine - I wish you luck, and blessings in life.
Farewell, and Goodnight.
Previous names: Poet by the Toga, Feather Droujast, Lisa the Freak, Lisa, Et Cetera Gallumbits.
PS. Classic Goo r00lz. (sorry bout the 00.)
Posted Sep 9, 2002
OK! That's it.
End of a day
Posted Jul 18, 2002
"It was at the end of the day
Although the beginning of a new and bright tomorrow"
Well I've changed! New hair, new clothes, new shoes, new glasses.. Totally new outlook on life, attitudes, thoughts.
Anyway, what I wanted to say was:
I'm leaving for the Philippines on the 23rd of July and will return on the 26th of August. So I probably won't be around h2g2. Don't go thinking I've killed myself or anything.
However if you really absolutely need to contact me, I will be checking my email once a week or so. You can contact me on either [email protected] or my private email address (preferable).
I wish a happy summer to everyone, and I'll see you all when I return.
1st July 2002
Posted Jul 1, 2002
I have a right to be who I am. As a teenager, especially one who has recently lost her father, I am allowed to have emotional difficulties. I am allowed to talk about these difficulties to people. I have a right to love whoever I want, to desire whoever I want, to be friends with those who wish to reciprocate my friendship. To do what I want, so long as it is law-abiding, which it always is.
I am a good person. I have done nothing purposefully wrong to any person, the only hate and spite inside of me is caused by those who did wrong to ME, when I only did GOOD to them! I have many friends. There are many people who love me. I do NOT need to change the way I am in order to impress ANYONE, I do FINE the way I am.
Enough of this so-called healing! I am only making the situation worse for myself by attempting to solve my problems through 'other methods'. This is not a surrender, although I am ceasing the fight. From this day forth I WILL allow myself to rely on my friends. That is what they are there for! If they do not wish to assist me, then surely they are no friends to me.
I say to myself this: I have a right to post my emotions on h2g2! From now on I will restrict myself no more. I will let myself do what I desire, and I will not hold back to prevent emotional injury to other people. Nothing I want to do can really hurt anyone anyway, especially not my friends - if I wanted to hurt them, I would not be a friend.
Thus begins a new era of my life: I am to free myself from myself. I will suffer, of course I will suffer, I always suffer. Part of being me is suffering. I get the good things, yes, I get the friends, the ability to look good, the attentions of many; but I am far from happy. My frivolousity, my garrulousness, my constant stream of consciousness that pours ever out of my mouth or onto a page or journal entry of prose or poetry - These are therapies to me! I will no longer deny myself of them, for they help me recover in a way that concentrating on other things never could.
I AM WHO I AM. From now on I shall stand up for myself, because that is the only way I will ever learn to love myself. I hold the right to dislike others, from now on I will do so when it is appropriate, rather than turning the bad feelings away from them and onto myself.
16th June 2002
Posted Jun 16, 2002
Celebrating one year of being a NIN fan. (21/06/02)
Isn't it awful when the only lyrics you can find to explain the way you feel is NIN?
"So impressed with what you do
Tried so hard to be like you
Flew too high and burnt the wing
Lost my faith in everything"
Makes me feel so guilty to hear Trent Reznor singing "i'll bet you think this song is about you, don't you".